RE: Darkness surrounds me

Its an unhealthy coping strategy @Former-Member but sometimes the alternative is worse. When your in that state you dont think all you feel is just make it stop and often the quickest and easiest way is to SH. Do you need any med assistance?

Im not sure what to say to help but i am more than happy to sit with you and listen to what you have to say. You have my full support ❤

@Former-Member i can relate to being tired of self care when you are struggling just so hard when its feels you brain is forever against you. I am sorry that today session was so difficult for you. Please keep in mind though the little sleep you have had recently because you deserve self care to try and get some rest/sleep. We are right here with you *hug*

@Former-Member - oh hun. I hear your pain. Through your words, and through the distance between us. It's just fkd up, right? When is there an end to the pain, the sadness, the nightmares/flashbacks, the tears, the hurt? No one knows really. We just have to ride out this horrible roller-coaster until the end. Or not. And to not means the roller-coaster stops; forever, wherever it is. And forever is a long time. You have people that need you in their life as much as you need them. Hanging on is hard. Finding purpose and reasons to continue are hard. But you have to. And to put an end to the pain and hurt means they have won. That evil still presides. Don't let them have that luxury. Fight on, even when it hurts like hell. Fight on, when your strength is nearly gone. But at the end of this, there is a life that is worth having. Because you are worthy of this. Your pain is not your fault. Yes it belongs to you, but you never caused it. You aren't responsible. So you can heal. Stay with us, despite everything. Just hour by hour today. Whatever it takes to get your through, we're right here with you. We got you. You can do this. I believe in you

@Former-Member - all roller coasters come to an end. They have to right? I mean how much screaming, pain, suffering can one bear? I'm pretty sure (correct me if I'm wrong) that you're already managing a little better than 6minths ago. Yes, I know you have days like now of SH/SI, but it's been a while since the last one, right? Isn't that better than before? Even a brief respite? Hope doesn't fade hun. It just dulls a little like we've put away the bright colours because they hurt our eyes too much. So we're using the duller colours so it's not so visible. But it's still there if we choose to look hard enough. And sometimes we have to work through some icky stuff that brings everything to the surface again. It feels like a push you, pull me situation. But the work gets easier, and the fight gets easier, and the roller turns into a more smoother, manageable ride. Until it all stops. And we can barely remember the start.