Unknown userMember
FORUMS
Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.
- 47,612Members
- 1,358,869Posts
- 1,400,000Visitors
RE: Darkness surrounds me
6693 replies
In response to: RE: Darkness surrounds me
BunniekinsSenior Contributor
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
@Former-Member sorry to hear you are going through some troubles atm. I wuld listen but my head is about to hit the keyboard.
In response to: Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Unknown userMember
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
@Bubbles3thank you
@Bunniekinsthat is ok hun, look after yourself. We cannot have a big dint in our little green pea!
In response to: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Sans911Senior Contributor
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
@Former-Member I'm not triggered at all hun. These forums generally don't trigger me. It's my real life that does.
Oh hun, yesterday must of sucked big time! And it's not 'just a desk'. It's your life's ambition, dreams, hopes, hard work all rolled into one. And it possibly means the end of those dreams, but not the end of life. Although it sure feels that way.
It's like my nursing career. I've been banned by a hospital & the agency. Even the pdoc said this morning that he knew it was the biggest motivation for me to stay alive, be productive and feel a sense of purpose. It was something I loved and lived for. Now I don't know what is next in my life. Even with my MI I was able to hold down work until earlier this year.
How you so need a hug right now. I want to tell you that everything will be alright, but you and I both know that's like a slap in the face. Please just try to hold on. Life might be ok in time, and you might find another purpose, another passion that fills your heart & soul with joy again. None of us knows how things are going to turn out. We only have today to get through right now.
Oh hun, yesterday must of sucked big time! And it's not 'just a desk'. It's your life's ambition, dreams, hopes, hard work all rolled into one. And it possibly means the end of those dreams, but not the end of life. Although it sure feels that way.
It's like my nursing career. I've been banned by a hospital & the agency. Even the pdoc said this morning that he knew it was the biggest motivation for me to stay alive, be productive and feel a sense of purpose. It was something I loved and lived for. Now I don't know what is next in my life. Even with my MI I was able to hold down work until earlier this year.
How you so need a hug right now. I want to tell you that everything will be alright, but you and I both know that's like a slap in the face. Please just try to hold on. Life might be ok in time, and you might find another purpose, another passion that fills your heart & soul with joy again. None of us knows how things are going to turn out. We only have today to get through right now.
In response to: Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Unknown userMember
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
@Sans911thanks for understanding.
Last night I started going through it all but then got too distressed and had to stop. Yes you are right it is more than 'just a desk'. I so much want to go back but cannot see it happening for a long time.
So more than previous times, since I got that email I have been just trying to forget. I'm trying so hard to be careful, to be safe, but it's just one day at a time.
In response to: Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Unknown userMember
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Hi @outlander how are you going?
In response to: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Sans911Senior Contributor
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
@Former-Member go through your things when are stronger. It's too raw and painful right now. I know you want to forget, but try to hold on to those good memories you have to keep you going.
So much of my career feels like a failure, but as my counsellor reminds me, I had an amazing career. I saved lives, I made people feel better even if I provided a cup of tea. I listened. I genuinely cared about what happened to my patients. And I had good skills, often knowing when someone was becoming unwell simply by instinct and knowledge.
I know you've talked before about how much your students meant to you. I'm sure you were much more than just a teacher. Try to find a way to hold on to those special moments that gave you pride, that filled your heart with pleasure. Those qualities you have will never die hun. You are important still, and you made differences that impacted greatly on young people's lives. The world is a better place because of the little things we do.
So much of my career feels like a failure, but as my counsellor reminds me, I had an amazing career. I saved lives, I made people feel better even if I provided a cup of tea. I listened. I genuinely cared about what happened to my patients. And I had good skills, often knowing when someone was becoming unwell simply by instinct and knowledge.
I know you've talked before about how much your students meant to you. I'm sure you were much more than just a teacher. Try to find a way to hold on to those special moments that gave you pride, that filled your heart with pleasure. Those qualities you have will never die hun. You are important still, and you made differences that impacted greatly on young people's lives. The world is a better place because of the little things we do.
In response to: Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
@Former-Memberim alive
In response to: Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Unknown userMember
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Thanks @Sans911 for understanding.
I have just put it all in the shed for now, not touching again until I am ready.
I will try to do what you suggested, I guess just really hard to see past this point atm, so fresh and raw. I guess it is harder becasue like you and nursing, I actually love teaching, even those kids that give me hell at times. They were the ones I liked working with the best. Those ones with trauma and heartache in their lives, I would work with them the most. Never did I think that I had a lot more in common with them than I thought 
In response to: Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Unknown userMember
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
@outlanderI am sorry hun, if there anything I can do to help? Super sized hugs for you 
In response to: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Sans911Senior Contributor
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
@outlander @Former-Member maybe it's time to go to our special place. I'm even wearing purple today!
@Former-Member - yes, same here with MI patients. I always had a soft spot for them. Especially when they were judged harshly by other nursing staff. Little did I know how much in common and how like them I have become. And now I have experienced amazing, kind nurses and harsh, judgemental ones.
So even more @Former-Member and @outlander, we have special qualities that despite our mental health problems, we have a place in the world. The world needs us to even out the balance. I'm holding onto that belief because it's part of what keeps me going when I no longer want to.
@Former-Member - yes, same here with MI patients. I always had a soft spot for them. Especially when they were judged harshly by other nursing staff. Little did I know how much in common and how like them I have become. And now I have experienced amazing, kind nurses and harsh, judgemental ones.
So even more @Former-Member and @outlander, we have special qualities that despite our mental health problems, we have a place in the world. The world needs us to even out the balance. I'm holding onto that belief because it's part of what keeps me going when I no longer want to.
