RE: Darkness surrounds me

That is a pretty good idea actually @Former-Member - booking him in with a psychologist! I would suggest that you think about this and discuss it with your psychologist then your husband - maybe someone different to who you see so you know for sure that confidentiality is kept (that would be my suggestion anyway).

I suspect that your husband will go through a lot of different emotions - similar to the ones you feel but on a different level. He is almost certainly going to feel angry - and at times you may even feel those feelings are projected at you - but it will be him trying to work out his own feelings and finding ways to deal with it all himself.

I sound a bit like I am supporting your husband in all this - and in a way I am - as it is important for us here to help you recognise that NONE of what is happening for you - now, the past, or in the future - is your fault - and tomorrow will be one of the hardest (and most possibly the best in the longrun) days in your life - but you are so courageous to even consider 'going there'.

Thanks @Zoe7, unfortunately I didn't really have a choice but to go there.

I was seeing a psychologist for multiple trauma's suffered at work, and from that the CSA came back.

I was talking to a chat service and they jumped to the wrong conclusions and I had the police at my door. So from that my husband figured out more was happening than I was telling him. In one way it was good I guess because it made me confront it, but in another wat it made it worse because I wasn't mentally ready to tell him just yet.

@Former-Memberif you take anything at all away from what is being said here please know that NONE of this at all is your fault. no one asks for it no matter what out brains tell us. hopefully we can help guide you along and the other thing is that your not alone in any of this either. there are many of us here who have experienced this sort of abuse.

i really like what @Zoe7 is saying here and can probably offer more advice than what i can so it might be best if i take a seat back jsut for now but know that im still here for you and if you want/need me please do tag me but i think both @Sans911 and Zoe are offerring more suitable advice than what i can give

did make for an interesting hour @Sans911. BTW, how are you, how did today go?

That does make it so much more difficult @Former-Member. This is going to be a 'journey' for both of you then. I am going to look to the positive for you though - if you have someone to 'understand' what you are going through and can recognise when things are getting really difficult for you then hopefully you will able to be honest and say - I am not coping or I am doing doing well today etc. and he will know why. Sometimes that is enough - to have someone know why without trying to 'fix' things.

@outlanderyour words mean just as much to me as anyone else. There you go again being too hard on yourself. But if you do not respond, I still know you will be there for me

@Sans911 ive learnt to step back when others are giving more suitable advice. both you and Zoe have better suited answers. im not going anywhere. i just think Nell will get more out of the conversation and have it be more productive. ill step back in and answer when Nell tags me back into it unless she wants me to keep commenting as well. but thats added pressure. ahh now im getting it all mixed up.

@Former-Member I am going to leave now but my thoughts will definitely be with you tonight and tomorrow - goodluck Hon