RE: Darkness surrounds me

@outlanderi can't call a hotline. I am waiting for my psychologsit to call me about tomorrow so don't want to be on the phone in case I miss his phone call.

I am trying not to give into the SH but crap it is hard. If it wasn't for my kids, I would have succeed and not be here now. They are the only good in my life. They are my light when all I see is darkness everywhere I look. And sometimes they are not even enough. And isn't that selfish to say. But I don't care what happens to me anymore, i don't care if tomorrow never comes, i just care about them.

I'll see o how I go @outlander. What about you, how are you going?

I know you are going through lots too at the moment and I don't want to burden you with all of this. Sometimes we have to help ourselves befor ewe can help each other.

Is it bad to say I don't want to fight anymore? Crap I hate all of this.

ahh, crap @outlander thats not fair on you at all. I havent got a great relationship with my mother, but nothing compared to you. My mother lives with me too (my father is deceased). She lives in like a granny flat at my property.

She suffers from depression so is medicated for that. She has given me hell lately (yes that still happens when you are 39!). Found out she took herself of her tablets becasue she thought she could cope with out them. Ahhh wrong! I told her she needs to go back on them and I am not her punching bag!!

I am watching my son (9) run around with my nephew (10) playing some made up game with nerf guns of course!

Well hopefully one of these days @outlander you can move out or they move out!

My mother has gotten so much worse in the last 2 years since my father passed away. I wasn't ever that close to her, but has moved more and more away from her since I have been going through all of this.

I just want tomorrow to be over just like you want Thursday to be over!

I still havent decided if I am going. I still feel like leaving tonight and not coming home and skipping it all together. Still fighting, I don't think there is much ice left in the freezer!! My SI are screaming nice and loud. I wish I could tell them to shut up and go away.