RE: Darkness surrounds me

believe it or not @outlander a wired fact is that I like lemons, so sucking on them doesn't distract me at all, I actually like them.

Ohh, I push everyone away. I don't really have any friends in my outside life. The only people I see are when we go out and see my husbands freinds. I talk to his friends partners, but I would class them as friends. I hate socilising, hate going out. It is so exhausting trying to put up a front and smile and say nice things, when inside of me I am screaming and crying. That's what it feels like for me. I only go out for his sake, not mine. And no one knows what I am going through, only in this forum do people know.

But I am tired. Tired of pretending everything is ok, tired of trying to fight the SH and SI, tired of not sleeping, tired of feeling like this and tired of trying to fight back. So so tired of life itself. And it scares me becasue I know one of these days that the tiredness will catch up with me and it will be too late to do anything about it. (SORRY, HEAVY STUFF)

@outlanderI don't think I am your twin, I am almost 20 years older than you!! But I do think that is is much easier to relate to someone when they have been through some similar things.

Friends are hard work anyway! But I am praying for you that one day you will meet some freinds that love you just for being you. But I guess that is all anybody wants.

You are exactly right with that last line. We are always our own worst enemies. And I think that we are BOTH hard on ourselves and expect alot from ourselves. I know I do. My psych keeps telling me I put too much pressure on myself. I think he may be right, not that I have told him that!!!!

@outlanderyes thanks, things have eased for me a bit, which is a win. I think sometimes just chatting to someone helps so thanks for that

Just have to try and make it through the night till tomorrow at 3pm!! I need some dramatic music or a drum roll!!

Define normal. Normal is different to everyone @outlander.

I'm sorry about what happened to your freinds but maybe they wern't true frineds. True friends stick by you no matter what. And look at all the friends you have got on here. Yes it would be great to know people on here is person sometimes, but you have a lot of people on here that care about you. I can see that from how many people reach out to you when you are struggling.

I think we can always relate to people who have had similar experiences. It's one of the things I love about this forum. I don't have to explain why I SH or why I feel the way I do, people just understand and help without judgement. And even know I am A LOT older than you (sad face inserted), I find I can realte to you too. I don't think age on here matters, I think it is about the struggles we have and are going through.

Just keep reaching out like I did today

@outlandercan you see it

@Sans911i can't see your post now???

Hello @outlander, @Former-Member xx

yep i can now @Former-Member must be my comp playing up abit

i kinda get the feeling i know why that post isnt there now. it mightve been triggerring for you atm.

whether she removed it or the mods did