RE: Darkness surrounds me

Thanks @Sans911 i was trying to hold off for as long as possible tonight. Sleep well tonight, hopefully in your bed and not your car!!!❤️❤️

Goodnight @Former-Member @Former-Member @Sans911 .... 😴💕

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope for those words of encouragement. I can vouch for those days that all I can do is survive or just take baby steps. Unfortunately there seem to be more of them lately, but I am hoping with time, that the are not as prevalent.

I won't say that I don't feel alone, especially during the night times when I seem to be at my worse, but I am realising that there are a lot of people, you included, out there that will support me and help me in my journey.

This poem sticks with me and sums up lots for me. I am sorry if it upsets anyone 😥

I Am (Dark)

I am the stranger outside watching you in the shower

The monster under your bed when you're trying to sleep

I am the stalker when you're walking in the street

The fear on the dark corners you know I'm waiting there

I am the nightmare at night those forbidden thoughts in your head

You try and make yourself resist but you're a prisoner of my will

I am the coming domination as you fall to your submission

The surrending to completion

At last, you face exactly who I am.

Time to go to my happy place to try and ride it out. I don't like this feeling when you can feel it coming. It feels like standing there waiting for the storm to hit you and no matter what you do or where you go, the storm still comes for you. Sometimes it a small one and I can ride it out and sometimes they come at you with a vengeance. I can't handle one of them tonight

I can't do this . I want out from my head and to escape from all the memories.

I am so exhausted, it feels like one hit after another. My daemons won't let me sleep. Why did that memory have to come back.why didn't they do something. It's too much

I am so anxious, nervous and apprehensive about Wednesday. It is only Monday and already I am starting to feel this way. I have still got over 48 hours to go and don't know how I am going to get through it. I just want to disappear so I don't have to deal with it anymore.

I don't know if I will be able to do it but I know that he deserves answers. I feel like all this pressure is on me and I can't deal with it at the moment. I need more time but haven't got it. I'm scared of his reaction, scared of how he will view me.

I can't cope with it, I can't calm down and I feel so out of control.

I have my scariest appointment to date coming up on Thursday @Former-Member ..... holding your hand here .... baby steps Hon .... breathe ..... count to five in, count to seven out ..... and try to find something to seriously distract yourself with ....

Pump up some music ..... get out for a walk ... scrub out the shower .... something .....

It doesn't fix anything, but it does help to chew up all the adrenalin that is racing around inside you with nowhere to go that is making you feel even worse, if that's possible ......

It will help if you can put a block on Wednesday for the next few hours at a time, knowing that it is coming, but refusing to focus on it ..... actively defer the worry any way you can.

I am doing the same. Getting my walking shoes on and heading out of the house now, but I will be around .....

Hugs n hugs Hon ...... 💜💐💕