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RE: Darkness surrounds me
6693 replies
In response to: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Sans911Senior Contributor
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
@Former-Member I think your therapist would appreciate knowing how you are, and it will give you a starting point for when you when you see them again. As long as you don't mention the methods of your self harm or methods/plans of suicide, the mods are ok. This is one safe place to discuss these things as they happen for so many people with MI & it's such a stigmatised thing, where are safe places to discuss and share these feelings. Heck, I even struggle to talk to my case manager about it, but here I feel safe. Not judged, not criticised, just understood.
I'm the same re:tagging people but they still find my threads anyway! I tried successfully for a while to hide it, and a few people responded regardless, then the one person who I definitely wanted not 5o see it, found it. But in a way, it's good for her too, to know I'm struggling and some days are really challenging for me. I came to the forums for support of my SI, and my intention was always to help others first, but I'm now sharing more because I need it too. So I have more people in my posts/threads because they have shown a genuine interest and concern in me. If they respond or not, I don't mind. Everybody has lots on their plate on this site, Nell, but sometimes a burden shared is a burden halved!
Self worth! Ahh, it's the one thing we always come back to, isn't it? Am I enough? Why are we always comparing ourselves to others? Shouldn't we just be ourselves, live and accept ourselves for who and what we are? We are the sum of everything and nothing & that should be enough for others to accept and love us. But, alas, our pride, our hurt, our fears all get in the way of that, don't they? And that's what f*&#ks us up!
I'm the same re:tagging people but they still find my threads anyway! I tried successfully for a while to hide it, and a few people responded regardless, then the one person who I definitely wanted not 5o see it, found it. But in a way, it's good for her too, to know I'm struggling and some days are really challenging for me. I came to the forums for support of my SI, and my intention was always to help others first, but I'm now sharing more because I need it too. So I have more people in my posts/threads because they have shown a genuine interest and concern in me. If they respond or not, I don't mind. Everybody has lots on their plate on this site, Nell, but sometimes a burden shared is a burden halved!
Self worth! Ahh, it's the one thing we always come back to, isn't it? Am I enough? Why are we always comparing ourselves to others? Shouldn't we just be ourselves, live and accept ourselves for who and what we are? We are the sum of everything and nothing & that should be enough for others to accept and love us. But, alas, our pride, our hurt, our fears all get in the way of that, don't they? And that's what f*&#ks us up!
In response to: Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Unknown userMember
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
I have to agree with you @Sans911 I feel I say more on here than I do to my psych at times. I think it is also easier to write down than to speak, which is why I always email my psych.
I know who you mean about not seeing your thread so won't say more. I think your honesty and sincerity in your thread means that a lot of people can relate to what you write about, I certainly can with a lot of it. So please keep sharing if that's what you need. You seem to have a lot of people that care about you a lot Sans.
Yes self worth, what my psych is on about me all the time. I can say my mindset is BAD and zero to little self worth. And most of it is the pressure I put onto myself regardless of what others say!! Something I really need to work on😀
In response to: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Sans911Senior Contributor
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
@Former-Member it's so easy to talk to you. Your mindset is not bad, it's just the space you are in. It's developed due to many influences in your life. And yes, like me, I have such high expectations of myself and I always feel a failure when I don't reach. My goals are to accept that less is ok too, but it's a difficult lesson.
Right now, though I'm being very lazy, and not utilising the help that is here. So I'm getting off this bed, having a shower, going for a walk, and then to talk to one of the nurses. I'll be online again later
Right now, though I'm being very lazy, and not utilising the help that is here. So I'm getting off this bed, having a shower, going for a walk, and then to talk to one of the nurses. I'll be online again later
In response to: Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Unknown userMember
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
For some reason with the darkness that comes outside to mark the end of another day, so does the darkness that seems to be so consuming. Why is it that so?
The flashbacks in the last 72 hours have all been new. New memories that had been hidden deep inside me since I was a young girl. Some have been snippets, and some have been so much worse. Trying to process those memories has brought me unstuck many times with a lot of SI and SH happening. And the question I ask myself is why now? It's like a surprise present in the cruelest way. Just when I think there are no new memories to remember, my brain decides to "gift" me some more. I am constantly trying to tell myself that it is just a memory but this is often not enough.
So thanks brain for giving me new "gifts" but please no more because I don't think I can cope with any more. I am too exhausted already with what you have put me through and have nothing left tonight to fight back.
In response to: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
These are the same struggles Zoe7 has been having for so long @Former-Member ..... what you are describing is exactly as she has described, and others too. I am so sorry to hear you are in such pain.
This was the reason Zoe7 had retreated, along with other health struggles, and she has become close to my heart across that time.
I just want you to know that you are not alone in this experience, although it won't be exactly the same for everybody.
Hugs n hugs ..... I wish you strength to persevere .......
💜💐💕
This was the reason Zoe7 had retreated, along with other health struggles, and she has become close to my heart across that time.
I just want you to know that you are not alone in this experience, although it won't be exactly the same for everybody.
Hugs n hugs ..... I wish you strength to persevere .......
💜💐💕
In response to: Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Unknown userMember
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Hi @Former-Member
I struggle a lot with flashbacks/memories being destroyed from things that dont go away even after they've passed. I dont know how to get past it all either. there are times when i think i might be and then other times when i dont feel as though i've moved at all.
I struggle a lot with flashbacks/memories being destroyed from things that dont go away even after they've passed. I dont know how to get past it all either. there are times when i think i might be and then other times when i dont feel as though i've moved at all.
In response to: Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Unknown userMember
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
@Faith-and-Hope thanks for those kind words. I am sorry to hear about Zoe and hope she reconnects with you. It is times like this that the rules of not being able to know their identity is super hard.💕
thanks @Former-Member, I struggle so much with flashbacks, and I hope you find a way some day to be able to move on, just like I hope 💗
In response to: Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Thank you @Former-Member ..... 💜
I don't know if it helps at all to consider that you are now on a healing journey ..... a really, really sucky one that involves struggling to break free of the illness that has taken hold of you and is seriously knocking you around.
Some days are just breathing .... surviving .... other days you will feel stronger ..... and there are others walking both ahead of you and behind you on the journey ..... here you can call out to those others .....
You are not alone.
In response to: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Sans911Senior Contributor
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
@Former-Member sorry, I've caught up with your thread. Looks like the amazing & kind @Faith-and-Hope has given some good advice. I'm proud of you for continuing to reach out on the forums. I know you struggled a little initially, and I'm grate to other forum members who are supporting, encouraging and caring about you. I have a good feeling @Former-Member that in time you'll be ok again. I'm logging off now, so essentially I was coming to your thread to say goodnight, and although I understand sleep is tricky for you, I hope you get some rest.
Goodnight @Faith-and-Hope & @Former-Member. You are such angels.
Goodnight @Faith-and-Hope & @Former-Member. You are such angels.
In response to: Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
Unknown userMember
Re: RE: Darkness surrounds me
goodnight @Sans911 - sweet dreams to you, so glad that you are here!
