RE: Darkness surrounds me

@Phoenix_Risingyou are right, we cannot win and now I just feel dejected and triggered from what I told him, so another round of self loathing can start.

@Former-MemberI don't even see the GP for meds, have a psychiatrist for that. Luckily I have found a psychologist I like and get on well with. Hopefully he sticks around for awhiile yet.

I will just take things minute by minute for tonight and hope I can get through the night safely. I'm not looking any further ahead than that at the moment.

@Former-MemberI struggled at start to make a connection but we have now. It took me a long time to tell him exactly what had happened to me. I still struggle to talk to him in person, but I struggle with everyone in person. We have a good system where I email him my thoughts and feelings before hand and then from that we discuss things from the email and sometimes he might bring up a different topic.

Works well for me.

@Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member I am so glad I found this forum too. I am not sure if I am coping any better, I think I am probably worse, but I am still in the early stages of my PTSD, mainly still having new flashbacks about certain events.

But I do think I would be a lot worse of or not even here, if I hadn't found this forum. It has got me through some rough nights and I don't think tonight will be easy at all so I just hope I can get through it. Because even though I feel like I have nothing left, don't want to do it anymore, could easily finish it all now, there is still a tiny part of me that just keeps thinking of my hubby and kids and I am going to hang onto that with anything I've got left.

Crap now I'm crying again!

@Former-Member nope, it is definitely not help if you come out of a session with a psychologist feeling worse. I am so very VERY grateful for my turtle whisperer. I just wish she was able to commit to working with me rather than just helping me in the tortuous search for someone who can commit for the long haul.

@Former-Member I'm really glad you have found a psychologist who you have connected well with.

@Faith-and-Hope I guess this must be a brave new world for you, experiencing what it can be like in the world of trying to get support for mental health issues. Unhelpful helping people can make things so much harder than they already are.