RE: Darkness surrounds me

I feel this is going to be a long night. Am so exhuasted but sleep doesn't seem to come. Lately it never seems to come.

So what to do during these long nights. I read, I watch tv, I try and distract myself. But most of the time it doesn't seem to help. This is when my brain starts to play games with me. It is when I am at my weakest and also when I am most vulnerable to my SI thoughts and SH actions. It is when the reality of all that I am going through starts to hit home. It asks the two questions I don't think I can answer, "why me?, why now?"

So what to do about it all. Most days I struggle to continue, to act 'normal', to pretened like everything is ok. And if I make it to the end of the day, what have I got to look forward to? Another night of deamons, flashbacks and nightmares.

So now as I sit here struggling with SI and SH thoughts, I think to myself is it worth it. The urges are so strong sometimes that I struggle to think properly and my sense of reason disappears. So I will continue to sit here tonight and try and fight back and hope I make it to morning.

I hope all my forum buddie are sound asleep and do not see this tonight at all xoxo

Going to my happy place ❄️❄️☃️☃️ for awhile. Too many negative thoughts and no energy to deal with them. My brain is done.

L loneliness

I isolation

F fear

E end

My life how I see it.

Eight years ago today a life sentence was handed to my warrior/protector. God ceased to exist after that day. Cheeks will always remember ❤️❤️❤️

Thanks @Sans911 I'll be ok, just have to get through this day❤️