RE: Darkness surrounds me

That's hard @Former-Member keeping them to yourself.
You'll probably find that alot on here have disturbing SA stories.
I hope it helps you to share on here (what you want to share, that is)
What happened isn't your fault. Don't blame yourself or ever feel ashamed.
You were young and innocent.

💜

Thank you @Former-Member ..... 💕

I had a strong mother as an example to me .... strong in perseverance, faith and hope .....

I have had times of screaming on the inside .... other times it's crying ..... other times just a resigned waiting ......

The strangeness of our situation is numbing. We have been travelling to a lot of exciting places as a part of wh's mid-life-crisis state .... which is enchanting and exhilarating ..... so while we can't readily get off this circus ride, we sort of have to invest in those moments, and they have created precious memories. Last night we had a games night at home, and it was full of fun and humour at one level, but there is passive-aggressive undertone to some of it .... and we are aware that as much as he is trying his heart out, WH is unwell, and our beautiful life is crumbling from within. It's a strange, very strange, bittersweet existence.

He is over-supplying he house with food ..... his foods for his regimen, then floods of foods that he can't touch for himself as they are forbidden to him under the auspices of this illness, so he wants to lavish them on everyone else. It's the same with other events and experiences. It's discordant, but not strange enough to be alarming ..... like a twilight zone.

Prior to intervention over our son, we were experiencing rages and micro-management, but that is all subdued now.

I need to breach this through these cc appointments, without triggering him to walk out, or become bad-tempered and / or delusional at home. Any mention of his e.d. behaviours will be considered a deal-breaker ..... so it's a tightrope walk ......

I'm just struggling with the same old @Former-Member
It's ok.
I survive.
When I read your messages, I've been through/going through very similar.
Hope I can help.
Even about your father.
Similar here, except it happened years ago

@Former-Member ..... never forget how much your children love and care for you ..... as traumatic as your life has been, they are your new garden ..... and they need you ..... they only know love from you, and that sustains them in their lives ..... you are growing something precious and beautiful there in your hands .....

And @Former-Member has her beautiful D ..... 💐💕

I used to be consumed with guilt and shame @Former-Member
Not anymore.
I hope as you work through stuff, you'll find the same.
It takes time to work through.
You've only had the memories come back. That's huge. 😮😨
I was consumed with it most of my life, thought I always would. But it's gone.

D keeps me alive @Faith-and-Hope 💜
@Former-Member
💕