RE: Darkness surrounds me

Thank you @Former-Member ..... re the appointment.

Any plans for today ? I have made my usual migration to the coffee shop ...... left late this morning cos it will help to fill in time to be here later, and returning to the house later. I have a book with me so I will test and see whether my mid is settled enough to focus on that sort of reading ......

My D3 has physio this afternoon. Her neck is slowly improving, but she is definitely not wanting to return to working for WH ...... that's another piece of elastic that is stretched to capacity here ......

Hi @Former-Member 💜
Not sure if I'll be able to be in forums much today, but will try.
Have zero energy and panic attacks while trying to sleep .
Wanted to say, I hear you.
I'm far from feeling well, but I don't feel as tormented in my mind regarding past SA and traumas.
What has helped me is talking to someone whi has experience in helping people who have experienced SA.
I've had some good counselling in the past which has helped me overcome all those tormenting thoughts/feelings.

I have noticed that my anxiety is a little bit better from breathing deep, holding, then blowing breathe out slowly.
I've been doing that every day for a few months and have noticed a change.

Will come back on here when I can.

It does get easier. I know it seems impossible . Butit does.

💜💕

Happy to chat when I can though @Former-Member
If it helps.
There's so much to deal with at once for you.
Not just the SA, but the lack of support from your mother etc....... the way she treats you. 😮 it's alot

The biggest thing I'm trying hard to overcome is the way my family have treated me and not having support from them.
I have isolated myself from them, because it was too hard to deal with @Former-Member

D3 has been diagnosed psychosomatic in the wake of our situation @Former-Member ..... where her emotional distress is impacting her body's ability to heal from illness and injury ..... it's another symptom of our "family system" being unwell. Once past this one, there will likely be another issue that crops up preventing her ability to return to work ..... and this in turn is increasing wh's frustration. Thankfully, under the attention of the now-multiple doctors in our periphery, he is having to suck it up ..... and there is a passive-aggressive satisfaction in that for D3 .... I can see it ..... but that is about being able to retain a level of personal control against his need to control everybody and everything.

It's not very stressful when WH isn't home .... so that is part of my timing when going out. The kids are pretty much sticking to their rooms for the same reason, even though they have the choice of going out ..... I know you understand that .... you are experiencing the same lack of motivation when things seem pointless.

It's not that WH is being badly behaved ..... it's just that his presence is an embodiment of the dysfunctional mindset that has taken over, and been ruling our family. And his regimen is still in full force ..... so even seeing exactly the same pattern in action every day, like Groundhog Day, is confronting.

At least when we go to Melb or travelling elsewhere, it creates a new pattern or rhythm, even though the regimen still exists within that one.

Just have to keep swimming through this swamp until we can get out of it .....

Ok, sorry I'm no help @Former-Member 💜