RE: Darkness surrounds me

@Sans911

I know I should be grateful to have a mother, I know alot of people don't, but I can't handle her anymore. I speak to hubby about it but he doesn't know what to do with her either, and he doesn't cop it, only me.

Like the other day she had the nerve to say to me that I don't miss my Dad because I never cried at the funeral. Like what the hell. First, has she been thinking that for the last 2.5 years. Secondly, I am sorry that I don;t show my emotions like she does. Just becasue I didn't cry there, doesn;t mean I didn;t cry that night alone. Maybe b/c I was trying to be strong for her and my kids that day. She forgets I was the one that sat next to the hospital bed with her for the last 48hrs of his life, forgets that I was the one that followed the multiple of ambulances to the hospital whilst driving her up there, forgets I arranged the whole funeral, picked up his ashes b/c she couldn't. Crap I could go on all day. BUT i am the f**ken selfish one.

Now I am crying and lost all control, F""k I hate her so much. And you want to know what is F**ked up about this whole thing, I am now the one that feels terrible and a selfish person becasue I feel like this

I'm on a roll now.

So this is one story of how childish she is

She is a spiteful B**ch - the other days she went out and she came home. I asked her where she went (she ended up just going to see a friend). So turns around and says to me well you won't tell me what is happening with you, so I don't have to tell you anything. Like really, b/c those two things are alike, NOT. I said that is completly different. Then turns to me and says well you are being selfish for not telling me what happened so I don;t have to tell you.

OK, I need to stop there, I've totally lost control now

Thanks @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Sans911

I think it just got too much this afternoon when she started at me. And now since I am not working and home during the day (she doesn't work either) I think it is making everything worse.

She makes me still feel like a child instead of a 39 year old.

And the F**ked up thing about all of this is I LET HER and I am so angry at myself becasue I let her

I am the one that feels selfish for having these thoughts of hatred towards her.

So not only does she make me feel like crap and blames me for all her problems, I;m the one that falls in a heap. And tomorow she will come and apologise and say I didn't mean it, etc, etc, etc.

So if she didn't mean it, than why does she keep doing it.

And becasue of her setting me off, my thoughts are going all over the place my head is filled with SH and SI. Just what I didn't need.

She lives with me @Former-Member in a unit attached to our house. There is no getting away from her