You are a gorgeous person @Former-Member and most certainly should be alive. I can understand how much that psych appointment and not responding would be devastating knowing a bit of your history. I'm so proud you opened up. You haven't done anything wrong. I'm not sure what is going on with the psych but I can totally understand how you'd be feeling. I don't know what is going on with him not responding and there may be something stopping him from or he is not checking his emails. The fact that after that appointment he told you to email him makes me think that it might be ok. Sometimes our feelings take over regardless of the facts and it's impossible to let go of them even when we know the truth. This is me today.
I also know from past experience @Former-Member when study becomes overwhelming lots of your very dark thoughts about being evil creep in. You are not and have never been evil. I know I'm not supposed to give advice but please don't go off your meds until you see your psychiatrist or GP. You asked if mi was real. I believe it is. I can see when it is affecting you in a very real way. I remember before your hospital visit late last year. This seems a little similar. None of it is your fault. You never chose your illness just like no one chooses leukaemia or diabetes etc.
make sure you give that very kind, caring, smart sciency @Former-Member a chance to get past this rough patch again. She is so worth it.
sending loads of hugs to you 💜🤗💐
(I always get dragged out of the woodwork for you, you are very special to me 💜)
