MDTSenior Contributor
sick of this sh*t
wasting my time is something i am really good at
i hate myself
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sick of this sh*t
235 replies
In response to: sick of this sh*t
CatrionaBSenior Contributor
Re: sick of this sh*t
It sounds like you’re got a lot going on @MDT, and I’m glad you’re sharing your thoughts and feeling with us.
I can see money is a problem but you’re doing some awesome things, such as your BA and TESOL course. You should be proud of yourself for working towards these goals.
@fa is wise, it sounds like some additional support would assist with your current thoughts and feeling.
Embarrassment is understandable, but it’s also really brave to get the help you deserve.
In response to: Re: sick of this sh*t
Shaz51Senior Contributor
Re: sick of this sh*t
Hello @CatrionaB, it has been a while seeing you 
In response to: Re: sick of this sh*t
CatrionaBSenior Contributor
Re: sick of this sh*t
@Shaz51 Thanks 🙂
In response to: Re: sick of this sh*t
Shaz51Senior Contributor
Re: sick of this sh*t
sooo happy to see you @CatrionaB 
In response to: Re: sick of this sh*t
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: sick of this sh*t
hi @MDT
i understadn how your feeling. im going through the same thing but like others have said you are doing pretty well even though you dont feel like it. life with mental illness let alone progressing from the teenage to young adult, it makes it even more difficult.
im wondering you have contacted some offline support e.g helpline to help you with your thoughts and feelings.
as F&H pointed out they are only thoughts, and there is no need to act on them.
i know they are hard and uncomfortable to sit with but youve been doing it this long, you just have to persevere with them jsut that bit longer.
im sure life will state to fall into place but it wont all come at the same time. itll come gradually and you might not even notice it until you look back.
is there any improvements that you can see within yourself? positive things that you have done that you thought you wouldnt?
In response to: sick of this sh*t
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: sick of this sh*t
Hi @MDT ..... hang in there .... you really are doing much better than you feel you are, just by the fact that you are nearing the completion of your degree ..... (and that is huge !!) ...., and you are saying that you do receive positive feedback regarding how you look and behave.
Please try not to feel embarrassed here. I was lucky to find a psychologist I was comfortable with from the outset, although owing to our circumstances, until he knew what they were, he mistook me for a highly anxious personality. And that can happen too. People including professionals can pick up a wrong take, or we are just not comfortable with them for some reason.
Being under your parents finances is difficult, but so is renting when you really want to be in your own home where you can do what you want with the place ..... so have a big dump about it here when you feel like it to get it out, but keep going towards those financial independence goals meantime .....
Please try not to feel embarrassed here. I was lucky to find a psychologist I was comfortable with from the outset, although owing to our circumstances, until he knew what they were, he mistook me for a highly anxious personality. And that can happen too. People including professionals can pick up a wrong take, or we are just not comfortable with them for some reason.
Being under your parents finances is difficult, but so is renting when you really want to be in your own home where you can do what you want with the place ..... so have a big dump about it here when you feel like it to get it out, but keep going towards those financial independence goals meantime .....
In response to: sick of this sh*t
Unknown userMember
Re: sick of this sh*t
@MDTyour post about how you felt this afternoon sounded like I wrote it because it's a very typical scenario I live and horrible visions of where I will end up eg:when I get the ambulance for my mother at times have awful thoughts about them coming for me.I have had constant depression and the emotional pain can be life threatening.What don't you like about yourself or is it the self hate we all have with depression? I understand the embarrassment too going to psychologist etc,like going to the doctor yesterday because you feel so vulnerable.I hope you have found some respite ,I'm thinking of you.Please look after yourself.💞
In response to: Re: sick of this sh*t
soulSenior Contributor
Re: sick of this sh*t
@MDT - sometimes hearing other people's stories can help. @Faith-and-Hope shared those of her children. Here's mine. My daughter was runner up to Dux at high school, she even completed two uni subjects whilst still there. She had self esteem issues and suffered from depression and took meds for it. She had very high expectations for herself.
At uni, she couldn't settle. She changed courses three times in two years before she quit. She actually stopped going unbeknownst to me. She then worked a series of casual retail jobs, sometimes two or three at a time.
Just this year, she has gotten a full time job which is more challenging and is doing uni part time. She needed some time to get her act together. It was so hard for me to see her falter but any advice I gave was rejected and made her more stressed. She underwent some very difficult situations but now she appears mostly happy (maybe not with me all the time but I think I am her vent to person) I had to back off, assure her that things would come together for her and they did.
She could have gone straight to uni after school, applied herself and be further ahead than she is now but ten years time, it's not really going to make much difference.
After you graduate, if you don't get the dream postion, just get any job. Working will provide you with money and that will allow you to pursue some of the things you currently can't. As you gain experience and confidence, you can apply for better positions. I feel that you are very hard on yourself.
And as for worry, that is the biggest factor that will hold you back.
In response to: sick of this sh*t
MDTSenior Contributor
Re: sick of this sh*t
hey everyone
thanks for helping
i reached out to a friend who is gonna help me a bit with some jobs
i have also realised that in order for "things" to change i need to change my attitude towards myself and this means i have to do a bit of job hunting everyday. I nees to remember that there's no real pressing urgency to get money... other than to feel better about myself. I guess this is the point though. If it is a block to feeling better about myself then it needs to be dealt with. It is very hard to do. But I guess it starts small. And it starts with an attitudinal change towards myself.. so actually thinking that i deserve to get better.. which seems rather obvious.
@Former-Member i think what i hate about myself is the thought that i have wasted my time and gotten worse in the process.. but then i guess its also just the normal self hate that comes with the territory..
@outlander i guess the positive things i have done are finishing my course.. end of 2015 i nearly quit because i was barely passing.. boosted my average up too. I've also been helping 3 students during their hsc.. i've raised some cash for a mental health charity and i have managed to not cut loose and go crazy despite losing my religious faith - even managed to speak to them last night lol. Its just hard. But thats the journey i suppose.
What a week ahead i have...
thanks for helping
i reached out to a friend who is gonna help me a bit with some jobs
i have also realised that in order for "things" to change i need to change my attitude towards myself and this means i have to do a bit of job hunting everyday. I nees to remember that there's no real pressing urgency to get money... other than to feel better about myself. I guess this is the point though. If it is a block to feeling better about myself then it needs to be dealt with. It is very hard to do. But I guess it starts small. And it starts with an attitudinal change towards myself.. so actually thinking that i deserve to get better.. which seems rather obvious.
@Former-Member i think what i hate about myself is the thought that i have wasted my time and gotten worse in the process.. but then i guess its also just the normal self hate that comes with the territory..
@outlander i guess the positive things i have done are finishing my course.. end of 2015 i nearly quit because i was barely passing.. boosted my average up too. I've also been helping 3 students during their hsc.. i've raised some cash for a mental health charity and i have managed to not cut loose and go crazy despite losing my religious faith - even managed to speak to them last night lol. Its just hard. But thats the journey i suppose.
What a week ahead i have...
In response to: Re: sick of this sh*t
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: sick of this sh*t
Hi @MDT
im glad your friend is going to help you. Thats a start. Your right in saying that in order to change, you also have to change your attitude. When I first decided to get help, I had the attitude of 'I guess I want to get help, I guess I want to get better' this wasnt helping me. So I changed it 'I WANT to get better' since figruing this ive fond determination I never thought I had. Changin your attitude and really trying to stick with it helps, of course youll have bad days, miss days that your not job searching, days you just feel bleh and flop on the couch for the day but as long as you get back up and keep going is what matter. Its not easy but its worth it and isnt impossible, we will be here for your ups and down. Our support wont change for you.
And you should be proud of these things, even if they arent acknowleged a lot by others. Note in within yourself that youve done theses things, youve made changes and also differences to others.
Journeys are never easy, anoyone here id you asked their life story or even their current situation, some responses might even amaze you at the tasks they have to do in order to keep going.
Gentle and encouraging hugs your way, YOUVE GOT THIS!
