loosing the will to go on

U can catch swap stamp anything @Former-Member
I just cant do this on my own . I cant anymore.
Im completely shattered mentally more than physically im use to doing all that sort of work. Its my MH thats gone through the floor.
Im in bed comfy and warm and have music on but im scared to sleep. What if i have nightmares again. What if i have yet another panic attack. I dont know what is worse. The nightmare sucking me in to my past and worst thoughts or the panic attack after it.

And yes ive seen the tv series and also read all the books. Its my favourite tv show and book

Do you have tools to manage your panic attacks? It's good to remind yourself that:

1. nothing is wrong

2. these thoughts will pass

3. breathe deep and slow to ride out the panic wave

4. try to distract yourself

Also if you do have a nightmare:

1. ground yourself in the here and now with 5 things I can see/touch/hear in my room

2. tell yourself - I am ok here in my room and those (scary past memories) are not happening to me anymore.

3. read or listen to the radio until you are calmer and ready to sleep again.

These strategies may be familiar to you or not but give them a try.

Best wishes,

Frog

Generally i try to breathe through it. Just i did last night. My hearts been going mental though and i cant settle it down. Its beating so hard and fast right now. And im tired. So so tired.
I slept with my ear phones in until my phone went flat.

I have my psych appointment today and work. I dont want to do either of them @Former-Member and mods who are on today

sorry to hear its so bad for you @outlander
i will be honest with you and say that im not sure what i can say to help or if i am even qualified to say abything. I know how bad shitty advice can hurt having received it in the past.
You mentioned you have work to do. Are you familiar with the technique of mindfulness? Again, i dont want to be suggesting things that you may already be aware of. However the core point of mindfulness is focusing on the present moment. I mentioned your work because this is something that you can focus on. Whatever tasks are set before you for your work you can focus solely on those. This is not meant to replace the depression because itvis a form of management. That also goes into acceptance and commitment therapy - where you accept the depressive episode for what it is. I have found this to be particularly helpful. Without it I wouldnt get anywhere. Another therapuetic method is radical acceptance therapy. This is where you accept the depressive episode as a fact of life. This way you suffer less. It sucks like hell but by accepting it you limit its capacity to hold you down as much. I personally call it "doing the sh*t out of whatever it is i have to do". Ultimately it is a distraction.
Have you thought of aiming towards a goal? perhaps a new job or a form of study? you mentioned those open universities courses in the past. Maybe try using one of those courses to get a leg up and move into a new job?
I'm aware of how ambitious that may sound at this point but its not meant to be achieved overnight.
Remember that life is also transitory, meaning we move through life in transitions where things change infrequently. When they do change its foreign to us. It seems as if you're in such a transition maybe? I'm not sure. But going by what you've been describing it sounds like thats whats happening.
You also said you are unhappy with your psych. Is switching to a new one an option? If not then try telling your psych that you are not happy with her. In the end its your life and you have the right to say so. At first it can seem confronting. I've had this experience in the past and it was met with hostility (the psych at the hospital) and she wouldnt budge. Sometimes therapists arecset in their ways and wont change which is unfortunate.
Keep speaking on here though. It always helps to vent

My niqua are you around @Former-Member

I want my nightmares to stop
I dont know how to make them stop
I dont want to be able to feel my dream
Thats not normal 😞

@Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member
How can i not have nightmares tonight if i red something triggerring and its causing memories to come up

Thanks @MDT for understanding and being here
Means alot ❤