not coping

Before any carers were assigned i had a sit down with the manager of the company who went through lists of activities and the things the carers can do etc. It took like 3 hrs to fo through every thing but all they seem to do is drive around for 2 hrs instead of doing something with him. Theyre allowed to do somw light housework like change his sheets or do the dishes or take him shopping (one request was to pick up some milk on the way home with the money i gave him)
The time the carers arw there is suppose to give me a break, he doesnt need someone distracting him thats kinda part of the job. He only likes it on his terms though but if the carers actually suggest something like do the dishes and then theyll go for a walk around the spots he likes or something he would do it but to him im not even allowed to ask and will do everything to avoid dping what ive asked.

The older one does look after the younger one. Usually helps get her ready for school or an hr or so after school. I can go to an appt and leave them at home or like tomorrow i can leave them till about 10 1030 before i go over to their house but they argue alot. The older one is abit of a power freak and the little one gets tbe craps with it or knows how to push her buttons so its not a great relationship either. It woupd be nice foe them to have normal lives too. Go out qith friends and that soet of things. The older one can arrange that herself. I wish i could skip ahead a few yrs and just get everything over with @Sans911

Hey @outlander

Im sorry to see you've had some really intense distress this evening. It sounds genuinely understandable to feel overwhelmed from the weight of what is expected of you at home.

I just wanted to jump in the thread and say how wonderful it is to see lovely members of the community supporting each other. However, I would like to gently remind everyone to be conscious of the advice that you share as we never truely know what someone is dealing with and going through, but I encourage you to continue providing your wonderful care and compassion.

@outlander your cirumstances sound awefully difficult for you and I understand that you don't have a lot of support at the moment so please feel welcome to reach out to the SANE Help Centre (1800 187 263) tomorrow or during the week if you'd like to chat with a counsellor about what you are dealing with. We would love to provide you with what support we can.

Take care everyone

Sometimes it is not a conversation that needs to happen @outlander but you stating what you will and won't do. If she has an issue with that then it is on her not on you. She is the mother, not you, and whilst you want your sisters to have things you did nt have it is placing your life on hold even longer. It is not you protecting them if they also get what they want - life even for kids (and teenagers) needs to be about balance and responsibility - and not emotionally blackmailing you to give in and do what they expect and demand. It is a tough lesson to learn but one that would also set them up for the future too.They need to understand and be able to navigate disappoint as well as develop resilience in life. Life for everyone is not about happiness and getting what you want all the time - it just is not reality ...in my experience that so often leads to selfish and entitled children that do not appreciate the simpler things in life nor being able to accept when things do not go their way.

I fully understand you wanting your sister to be able to be with her friends and do things that make her happy but that leaves you in the position of providing care for your younger sister when it is not your responsibility. If your mother cannot manage her work situation in order to care for the children she has then she has to make alternative arrangements - and that means not expecting you to do it for her all the time. She needs to work around when you are available and not when she dictates it. If she chooses the casual, later hours then she also needs to work out who is going to look after her kids.

I. like others here. have watched and listened to your circumstances over several years and have felt for what you have ahd to deal with but there does come a time yu need to put yourself first. You are never going to break free of all these commitments until you make that hard decision yourself. Caring for your Pop presently is enough - he is getting worse and you are needing to devote even more time (both emotionally and physically) being there for him. ...but this will not be forever and I genuinely worry about what you will do when the time comes to put him in a nursing home or worse. That is why I believe it is time for you to start to think about YOU and your future. You have so many wonderful qualities and interests but you are being held back in pursuing ny of them becuse of your circumstances and I believe fear ...fear of who you are without all that you presently endure. Find that out Hon. You could start with seeing a Pathways advisor/counsellor. TAFE has them as does employment agencies. Having some goals to work towards and some direction in life can help. Whilst presently you do not know what you want, having such services on board can help with finding that direction.

Hey there @Zoe7

Everyone is proving some really lovely support this evening but just wanted to put another gentle reminder for us to be conscious of providing opinionated advice.

As I menioned before, we never truely know the full extent of someone's circumstances and ultimately, it is up to us to know what is best in our own situations.

It is not opinionated advice @Former-Member we are all providing support to @outlander from our own experiences and conversations with her over nearly 4 years of knowing both her and her circumstances as relayed by her as well as our own knowledge of what has and has not worked for her in the past. We all care very much for Outlander here and are responding to her very real difficulties that she has had for a long time.