not coping

That is good to hear re the kids @outlander but super sucky with your pop Keep putting one foot in front of the other then Hon - this will change for you one day

Just got your last post @outlander - not brushing me off or arguing at all Hon - simply stating your situation and why you are so stuck at present. It really does suck but once your health is hopefully sorted out (and I do hope that can happen sooner rather than later for you) you will be in a better position to think more into the future. Until that all happens keep reaching out and getting the support you need here.

Don't doubt yourself @outlander There has been waaaay too much happening here the last few days and it is draining for many of us. But it is so importsnt also that you - like the rest of us - look after ourselves first and foremost. If you need some time away yourself then take it - no-one would blame you at all if tht is what you needed to do. Sometimes it does take someone else to point that out for us when we are feeling nervous or anxious - it is okay to put you first.

👍👍👍 @outlander Great work

So I have been giving your post from yesterday some time and thought about if there was any other way around your current health issues. I don’t like the thought of you having to go into debt for your health but I understand the urgency. I was doing a google search of some ideas I had but then something really simple occurred to me that might help. You could actually present yourself to the emergency department with the pain you have, take the results of any blood tests, scans, etc with you, and you could possibly be referred to a gastroenterology team from the emergency department. There is a risk they might want to admit you for further investigation and monitoring, but you always have the right to leave. They may even consider an MRI. I know you will probably disagree with me on this option, but I think it is a very sensible one. And it is likely that that they might see the urgency of your situation and consider you an urgent referral.

The other option you might have is transferring to another heath insurance company that offers a shorter waiting period. But then again, that might not work as you have a pre-existing health problem.

I know you’re scared to tell your mother, but again you are keeping everything to yourself and trying to soldier on. And it’s you that suffers the most. And I hardly think this currently problem is nothing. The reality is that is a large mass that shouldn’t be ignored. With very unpleassant and uncomcomfortable symptoms. Which are impacting on your mental health.The likelihood it is benign and once dealt with should reduce many of your symptoms.

And I am inclined to agree with your gp and pdoc about medications. I know how you feel about them, but you are barely coping right now, and even if it’s for a little while, it might help. I am not going to suggest you see a psychologist, because I know how triggering that is for you. So maybe the medications will just help calm things a little. It’s hard for me to see you struggle so much on a continued basis. My heart absolutely breaks at what you have to put up with on so many levels. No one needs the constant bombardment that you get. I certainly wouldn’t be surprised if you are burnt out.

I know I have asked this before, so forgive me if my memory is a little rusty, but your mother works. So why is she, or even your pop, not contributing to his care costs? Why are you putting your hand constantly in your pocket for his needs? Perhaps I am missing some context here, and I am misunderstanding something that hasn’t been said.

And yes, I understand you are anxious about Tuesday's aged care appointment, but I am pleased it is happening. You definitely need that support. And you needed it many months ago. Your pop might be angry and upset with you about it, but you both need the support. Even if he disagrees. remember, his brain is not working like it used to. And he is likely to be frightened, upset and in denial about what is happening with him. These things are contributing to his behaviour. I am concerned the way he is going, his behaviour and temper could turn very serious and lead to you being hurt.

I hear you say you are short on words tonight, and you have some other things happening as well. No need to answer this right now. Perhaps think it over a while, reread it and answer later when you aren’t so frazzled.

Hugs and hugs sweetheart. I want to come and take you away from everything too, and take good care of you like you deserve.

@outlander

Its ok, im abit better I just cant think when I have a war going on here @Sans911 ive eased that on both front now so im abit better as well.

I have thought about presenting to the ED, especially when things flare up even more. There just seems to be so many factors happening that it terrifies me at what to do, how to tell anyone and what steps to take evne though I know I have options or its staring at me in the face. I cant work up the bravery to do much more then to do it on my own. It sounds stupid but I feel like if I tell others besides health professionals then its like its worrying people for no reason. you know how when your fearing something so much you just cant make a decision? thats where im sitting. im looking for people like specialists but i still have to get myself to get there, choose, sort it out etc.

Ive actually been looking at other health insurance however if I switch it almost restarts my timing and also because this has occurred now they class it as something thats already getting diagnosed so some things arent covered, ike if this had come up in another 2 months I wouldve got the hospital side of things covered however since its happening within the 6 months of being on it they class it as a pre-existing condition. Pretty silly but thats the same for every healthcare. If I switch it means at least 2 months wait anyway. Im only just able to use it for minor things like chiro, massage physio that sort of thing.

Yeah I have considered medications but I always get the side effects that upset my stomach so im hesitant even more now esp with whats happening now. Im already sensitive to it as it is without this. The pdoc has been trying to pump meds into me since ive seen him and if I dont then 'theres nothing he can do'. Honestly I just dont know anymore.

I should be clearer when I say I for somethings. Pop does contribute to his care- like he has his own pay but because I manage it all and have to delegate etc its still my responsibility. So I guess he does help with the costs I just have a habit of saying I as I pay the companies etc even when it comes out of his pay. Hope that clears it up abit?

Yeah the anger thing concerns me too, Im planning to get the hell out of the house if he starts after that meeting. I know he will ring my mother so I will make sure he has credit but he wont listen to me. It will take someone else telling him to knock it off (probably wrong wording here) without me being there. I dont need a place to go, I have a car I can literally sit near the beach for hours or go to my horses till things settle down. I know I should be there to support him but im not risking it either. Hes not a physical person so I doubt it would happen but the things he says etc even though he doesnt mean it I just cant..

Thanks sis