not coping

That’s pretty rough @outlander.

Don’t listen to them. They are not inside your mind or body.

You know what is happening for you.

@outlander it is your choice what supports you have hon. Don't listen to that nonsense.

I'm assuming the person who told you these things @outlander has no clue about physical or mental health. They don't live in your shoes so they don't know what you go through every single day.

You decide who you want to be in your corner hon. If that means professional support then so be it. We are in your corner with you hon.

I agree with @Snowie . They have no idea. You choose who is on your side and we are always here for you. It's taken me many years to learn not to care about what some say. But I do get that it hurts and makes you question yourself. It's a struggle hey. I am off for the day but I do hope you can take to bed with you tonight that you have friends who understand here. We may be anonymous but we are still real people. When you put your head on the pillow think of us not the ones who don't get it. Much love.

x

@outlander thing is, we literally evolved to rely on other people. Humans would not exist as we are today if we didn't help each other, support each other, and work together. It's written into our DNA. The idea of hyper independence is a very recent one, and a super toxic one at that. Anyone who tells you otherwise is deluded by this toxic idea.

Needing help, relying on others, and seeking support are not burdensome qualities, they're human qualities, as natural as breathing. And yeah, pain is all in your head. That's where your brain is. The mind and the body cannot be separated - so if you feel pain, but it isn't coming from a physical ailment, it doesn't mean the pain isn't real. If you're struggling with physical symptoms that have manifested from mental health issues, that is because your body is reflecting the mental pain - and it is all very real pain. That's how our bodies work, and is also as natural as breathing.

I'm glad you're attention-seeking. I hate how much negative association that phrase gets, because I think that we should all be seeking attention when we need help, rather than be shamed into thinking we ought to suffer alone. Please continue to be attention-seeking, or rather as we say in the MH world, help-seeking. It's a positive thing to be help-seeking; it is a strength not a weakness.

These are all toxic ideas baked into our social conditioning, and it is hard to get away from them at times. But the more we all disregard these toxic ideas, the better off our society will be.

Rant over, sending cuddles 💜

@outlander Mm for sure, extra invalidating to come from someone you had felt so comfortable with. I remember when I had been trying to work out what was happening w my body for aaaages but all my tests were coming back negative and my gp said "Are you sure you don't just have health anxiety?" Oof that made me feel soooo crappy. Turns out I do have health issues as a matter of fact and being vigilant and persevering was exactly what I needed to do.

I'm not sure I count cos I am paid to be here lol... but I do know that everyone in the community here would surround you in a heartbeat with love n support. It's hard through the virtual medium but all of us here are definitely beside you absolutely by choice, because of the warmth, kindness, and compassion that flows out of you. And like coming from the perspective of someone who is paid to do this work - the pay is not the big pull. It's the people. I could probably very easily climb my way into management or something but I don't want to - I want to be here on the frontline, creating connections and providing support as best I can. Those people in your support team might have been introduced into your life because of their job, but it doesn't mean the connections you have with them aren't genuine.

On that note, I wonder whether you would find it helpful to highlight to this person that what they've said was actually quite hurtful and invalidating? Like you would tell a friend that they've hurt your feelings, letting them know that it was not a helpful thing to hear could then lead to some reconciliation and maybe better support from her going forward.

Oh I must have misread @outlander. Doesn't make it hurt any less. Still could be worth a conversation. Also, sometimes people project their own insecurities onto us without even realising. Maybe this is something your friend needs to work on for themself.

Yeah working with folks directly is the way to go for me. We have that in common. Makes me much happier than staring at spreadsheets and attending a bunch of meetings.