not coping

thanks @tyme i guess im just nervous and dont want to stuff up a new opportunity. i also use the service for when i need it as well so i know they are good and i have faith in the manager etc. i also dont want to loose a good service if things go south so im in 2 minds but i also really want to do this and i feel like im in a better place medically and dont need as much help medically now or not that im not able to manage

@tyme are you around

Hey @outlander ,

Yes I am. Are you okay?

i think so but im not sure @tyme
i think all the big changes that are happening at the moment are starting to take its toll a little bit

I'm here if you need a chat @outlander

Is it changes with your health? Or changes with work?

abit of everything @tyme

im in the middle of trying to find the person i care for a more permanent residential placement because i dont really want to be his carer anymore. its been long enough now and someone else needs to step up. right now family are helping me where they can but that always happens when i say i cant do it and im not doing it anymore. it never lasts long so despite their help i will still be looking for a placement or going on a waitlist.

then the prospect of the new job as well and wondering if i do end up working for this company i dont think they can support me. i think it comes under conflict of interest and for me id rather the support then the new job because its taken me a long time to find someone i trust to help me with my health. but i also like the prospect of the new job so im so conflicted on what to do or where to go from here at the moment. im not sure if i can keep my boundaries between work, client and friendship but maybe thats not always a bad thing either as long i do my role as should be

im also fatiguing alot offline, feels alittle odd but maybe its the constant phone calls etc through the week trying to sort my life out and everything around me to make it easier in the longer term.

everyone around me like friends and those i associate with also appear to be dropping off as well. some are getting offended that im not keeping in contact with them enough but when i msg they dont reply or they dont make contact first either. seems to be one sided with some of them at the moment

Hi @outlander ,

I think i've read your post more than 10 times. That's why it's taken me so long to respond.

I'm not sure I've got the whole story correct in my head.

So you care for someone (is he family?). Yet you feel you need to refer him on because you don't think you can continue anymore. Then the family perks up to say they will help, but it doesn't last.

Now the part I'm confused about is the conflict of interest part. Where does the conflict of interest lie between family, work and social? Are you trying to get him into the place you work at or something?

Sorry, I'm a little confused.

its ok @tyme ill try and rephrase without giving away to much info

yes i care for my grandfather who requires basically 24/7 support at this point in time. he lives with me so everywhere i go he goes including to my current workplace. ive spoken to family about getting more supports because i cant be there 24/7 anymore i need to live my own life and build my own career (ive given up between 18-now late 20s to care for him) family dont want to accept that residential care is the best option when no one else will step up and look after him so they offer 'help' but it only last a couple of weeks and it wears back off again and they go about living their lives while im still struggling to care for him. i want to put him basically into a nursing home so i can move into my own home, go to work freely and begin to start my own life. thats the first part


now the second part is related to the conflict of interest im reffering to and a possible new job. currently i am in a workplace right now but a support service that i use for myself (like support workers and nurses to help me out personally when i need them) has offerred me a job with their company working as a support worker, alongside the registered nurses creating care plans, business promoting and more specialised work which is the opportunity ive been waiting for and training for. The manager of this company who also supports me personally has become of great support to me and i really trust her. The conflict i guess i could say is that technically i am a client of this company so i dont know if working for them is classed as acceptable even though i dont use them as much now that im more stable. this is also the reason i dont want to be a carer anymore, the person i care for cannot attend this possible new workplace, i need to be able to have all of my attention on my new task roles if i take the job. the part im concerned about is if i do take this job is if i will be able to separate my ability to be a 'worker' and when in need of support can i be a 'client' or am i risking loosing a very good support company for a job with their company


does that make sense? hopefully ive clarified it enough its abit complicated

Yes. That makes A LOT of sense now @outlander . I can see why all these thoughts must be going around and around in your head right now.

Firstly, it sounds like you have cared for your grandfather for 10 years or so. That is a lot for a young person, especially if he needs 24/7 care. I understand you have not only your own health issues, but your own life to consider. It sounds like you have given and given and given of yourself all these years. Unless someone gives you regular respite, it does sound reasonable that you look into residential care for him. Are they concerned about the money side of things? I don't want to sound too 'judgy', but i don't think people know how much work it is to be a full time carer unless they have done it themselves.

As with the conflict of interest, I understand where you are coming from. Yes, it can be seen as a conflict of interest, and hence, if you do want to work for this place, it's important that early on, you have it written down and signed off to determine:

1) what is the conflict of interest?

2) what are the potential risks of this conflict of interest?

3) what are ways to minimise the potential risk?

If the boss goes through this with you and both parties understand and signs off on it, I can't see why you couldn't work for them. I'm happy to run through some potential risks with you via email if you do come to the point of declaring this conflict of interest.

I'm not sure how big the company is, and whether there is room to be both a worker and a client. However, in the real world, it's definitely possible. But it needs to be thought out and discussed as early as possible before agreeing to anything.

You have made some very valid points.

Yes it’ll be 10 years next year @tyme so it’s a long time.
The family don’t really understand but the fact is they don’t want to give up their lives to care for their own dad etc so I can’t be the one always doing it anymore. They try to help by having him when I really need them or dinners etc but beyond that they don’t seem to handle him to well with various signs like constantly asking me when I’m picking him up or saying he wants to come home even though it’s only been an hour. It makes it difficult



The new possible company is only quite small. It’s only been up and running for about 6 months at this point @tyme
I would actually really appreciate the email discussion. I can go through more with you that way. I can’t really talk to much about it on the forums only the details I gave basically. I have concerns about it but it feels like such a good opportunity for me