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Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor02 Aug 2017, 7:01 pm AEST

Coming to terms with reality

Hi Readers, i am suffering from "mental health issues" and it is an ongoing, daily battle. I am pretty much constantly wrestling with the thoughts going on in my mind. And my psychical life seems too be suffering for it. (There is a huge difference between physical and mental ) something is definitely not right! So each day I'm waking up and going about my routine. And over the last few days, weeks and months. I have been noticing changes in my mentality toward myself, others and life. And some questions such as, what is my life about? And what should my objectives be? Have arisen... of course like we all are, I'm subject too making decisions... and there has been the same options in front of me time and time again for months on end. And it becomes rather draining and mundane. And i feel myself going around in circles like something simple just ain't connecting.

I enjoy writing, art, music. And peace of mind... walking, reading, meditation. Taking care of myself. Socialising. Etcetera. Getting ahead, getting in front. Planning, dreaming and so on. And do my best to look after myself. While accepting that it can only ever be so much.

But there just something not quite right. And I'm suffering for it on a daily basis. And I'm tired and fed up with going through the same stuff everyday. And in all honesty. Alot of my suffering comes from prospective and thought processes.

Does anyone wanna talk with me about some things that might help? In particular dealing with people no matter who they are. Can be very stressful and cause lots of procrastinating about pros and cons. In particularly people who i think about reaching out to for support. Because of dilemmas dramas and social dynamics. And picking up on things that "aint really happening" "gut feelings type of stuff " "intuition" that type of thing. And enjoying time with people is great! I just tend to be overly preoccupied with symptoms to be worried about socialising sometimes "Symptoms which involves others"

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In response to: Coming to terms with reality

Unknown userMember08 Mar 2018, 10:40 am AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

hello @eudemonism

if your injection is in a week's time does that mean this is the period of the month where you feel at your best?

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor08 Mar 2018, 1:15 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@Former-Member Yea I do feel relief from the side effects... But then the withdrawing and come down from the medication comes into effect... It's always fluctuating... Stuff like being moody... Having mood swings comes into play...

@Friendconnect I been thinking... I'm always under the influence of stimulants and depressants... Meaning, nicotine... Caffeine and the medication... And I don't really know who I am underneath all of the side effects... And I've thought... Well, I might as well make the most of it... And live the life of a great writer....... And I'm a little tired of playing the role... If I wasn't on nicotine and caffeine... Would I really feel better? What would the changes and differences be? Would I be better off? I suppose I'd be a lot less motivated for awhile, I'd feel more inclined to stay at home and rest, relax and sleep it off, I'd have to learn to resort to other coping mechanisms... Isolation, solitude, learning to be more independent, liking my own company more, avoid certain people, places or environments... Start doing other stuff with my time... It would have to be a total lifestyle change... But for the time being... I figure I'm better off riding the white pony, until the white pony can't take me no further... Ya see, a delusion of mine, something my imagination has concocted, a dream and vision that has come to me, a belief about my potential... Has suggested I could be like the best of the best... In this world of writing where I live and much of my creativity goes...

Eude.

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

FriendconnectSenior Contributor08 Mar 2018, 1:37 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@eudemonism... You do definitely identify the skilled writer in you. If you could set aside a week or two when you are relatively free of side effects of the injections it should work well for your dream life.

Also... The nicotine and caffeine habit is of your own making.. not being pushed by society or anyone and I know it's not easy to get rid of these dependencies.
What can help to trigger change is the realisation that this life is finite... so the things we would like to do eventually would best be done NOW.
And the things we want to get rid of eventually... are best down away with right NOW.

I understand there are fears that stop us going where we want to... deep inside the subconscious brain. That place can be hard to reach... leave alone being transformed to have all the fears there turned to positive self love.

It's an unending battle played/won/lost within oneself.

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor08 Mar 2018, 3:12 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@Friendconnect yea it sure is...

In response to: Re: Coming to terms with reality

Unknown userMember08 Mar 2018, 5:41 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

hello @eudemonism @Friendconnect

I agree that you will do well in writing....

your symptoms will also improve the more you write...as you are releasing your feelings..

ceasing caffeine and nicotine will definitely be beneficial all round for you in the long term...

I had a maximum of 4 cups of coffee a day in the mornings...I started having heart palpitations...chest pains at random times..agitation...I put all of this down to anxiety..

after many tests through heart specialist...heart results perfect...

whilst unwhile the smell of coffee made me feel ill...I stopped drinking coffee for about 2-3 weeks...

agitation decreased dramatically...no more heart palpitations.. chest pains rare only when under extreme stress..

the safest way to give up any sort of drug is under supervision of medically trained staff...there are places called rehab within the public sector...you would need to speak to your gp...I think that you are there for about 4 weeks...

if you are doing this at home you would be better off cutting back initially on all drugs...caffeine...nicotine...any other drugs just stopping altogether...

then you can stop one completely....then the last...

this way although takes longer you are not going to have extreme withdrawal symptoms which on top of your side effects of your medication could be too much for you...

I don't mean to dampen the idea of stopping...I commend you for wanting to....

I just want you to be safe whilst undergoing an extremely difficult task....

it will not be easy...it will be very rewarding though...your overall health will improve dramatically...

think of all the money that you can save...you could put some aside each fortnight for a holiday for yourself as a reward...

moh

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor09 Mar 2018, 11:59 am AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@Friendconnect & @Former-Member Yea... This lifestyle I'm living... Ain't real good...

It's what they are call... System dependant... I'm hearing what you're both saying and I'll have a think about it...

My lifestyle, my writing, my social group, my environment, my diagnosis, my medication, my personality... My addictions... They all get along really well... And I pretty much don't know anything else...

Eude.

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

Grasshopper3Senior Contributor09 Mar 2018, 12:07 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@eudemonism
"Turned me into a natural human being who has to live with an unnatural substance inside of him... Which creates a distorted, disturbed and dysfunctional being... Who is rather unhealthy and unhappy... And has had to resort to a lifestyle. Which, has evolved around the side effects of the drugs they are forcefully giving me. Because of the expectations of society, the system and the majority..."

congratulations on this piece of writing, you have explained very well how you feel. This is very very helpful to a lot of us on the forum.
I'm here for you, listening, and learning.
You're doing a good job helping yourself too. keep it going mate.
Grasshopper3

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor09 Mar 2018, 4:27 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@Grasshopper3 I'm up and down like a yo yo hey... There is lots of elements which effect my mood... Which I dare say is true for a lot of others also...

You're the one who started the 22 year old schizophrenic son thread?

I'm in two minds a lot of the time... And I think it has something to do with my illness... Split minds... Dual expectations... A foot in both camps... The opposites... And it's hard because I don't actually know what is best and right for myself... Meaning, society does have expectations, so do family, friends, and others... Then there is myself... And I have intimate knowledge of what goes on inside my own mind... (or has gone on inside of my mind...)

Should I...? Shouldn't I...? I can do it...? I can't do it...? That is right...? That is wrong...? Are you laughing yet? Is this is what I want and need...? Is this what I don't want and need...? (the question marks are just proving a point, you don't have to answer them...) should I be afraid...? Should I be loving...? (always trying to get it right for myself and other people in my life)

I'm always in this split frame of mind... And always not really knowing what to commit my actions toward... It's really complicated to be stuck in the middle of... It leaves me feeling like I need advice, guidance, reassurance... A moral compass... And after awhile... Besides these facts... Life becomes like a broken record anyway... (and you know what? A normal life would of never worked for me anyway... I have only ever really wanted... Health, happiness and peace of mind... Eude.

In response to: Re: Coming to terms with reality

Unknown userMember09 Mar 2018, 4:41 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

Hello @eudemonism

that last post was a classic example of how well that you express yourself..

will this be part of your writing a book?

no need to give any info out for your privacy..just thinking wow..well said

it must be so hard being inside your mind with this debate about so many things going on..

then along comes mohill with a myriad of ideas about how you can do this that and the other..

what a nightmare for you..

I really do have to cull my lengthy responses of what I assume to be healthy advice..

so sorry for being overbearing..

I just feel for you and want to reach out so much and help you..

If I was introfduced to you in real life ..I would love to go for a walk with you and mister..sit on the beach and just watch the waves..

please keep up your writing...this world needs to read your story..

take care

your friend moh

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor09 Mar 2018, 4:45 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@Former-Member Yea, unfortunately I've picked up some unhealthy habits and thinking patterns along the way... They're the result of attempts to cope through it... Eude.

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