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Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor02 Aug 2017, 7:01 pm AEST

Coming to terms with reality

Hi Readers, i am suffering from "mental health issues" and it is an ongoing, daily battle. I am pretty much constantly wrestling with the thoughts going on in my mind. And my psychical life seems too be suffering for it. (There is a huge difference between physical and mental ) something is definitely not right! So each day I'm waking up and going about my routine. And over the last few days, weeks and months. I have been noticing changes in my mentality toward myself, others and life. And some questions such as, what is my life about? And what should my objectives be? Have arisen... of course like we all are, I'm subject too making decisions... and there has been the same options in front of me time and time again for months on end. And it becomes rather draining and mundane. And i feel myself going around in circles like something simple just ain't connecting.

I enjoy writing, art, music. And peace of mind... walking, reading, meditation. Taking care of myself. Socialising. Etcetera. Getting ahead, getting in front. Planning, dreaming and so on. And do my best to look after myself. While accepting that it can only ever be so much.

But there just something not quite right. And I'm suffering for it on a daily basis. And I'm tired and fed up with going through the same stuff everyday. And in all honesty. Alot of my suffering comes from prospective and thought processes.

Does anyone wanna talk with me about some things that might help? In particular dealing with people no matter who they are. Can be very stressful and cause lots of procrastinating about pros and cons. In particularly people who i think about reaching out to for support. Because of dilemmas dramas and social dynamics. And picking up on things that "aint really happening" "gut feelings type of stuff " "intuition" that type of thing. And enjoying time with people is great! I just tend to be overly preoccupied with symptoms to be worried about socialising sometimes "Symptoms which involves others"

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In response to: Coming to terms with reality

Unknown userMember06 Dec 2017, 9:41 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@eudemonism

hey eude....I care..you are important to me

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

Unknown userMember06 Dec 2017, 11:08 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

I feel for you with the sudden death of your uncle... So very hard to come to terms with...I imagine that you have some unresolved issues to deal with

very interesting that you have connected the two....

Ithinkthat you have brought up something that I need to look into

you are very astute eude..

do not let anyone dismiss that..

I am sorry that you have unresolved issues related to your uncle...if only canbe so unforgiving..

circumstances have so much a part of how our life is..

if we are loving then we are not to blame ..our love will be carried on

please do not waste your energy on what has and what could be..

lookto what is now and what you wantmovingforward..

nomatter what blocks you incur never give up on your dreams...never give upon you

speak soon

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor07 Dec 2017, 9:08 am AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@Former-Member

I got a few close friends who are suffering from mental illness. And I've noticed some stuff about them that is rather interesting. Regrets about the past. Dwelling on things. Delusions about why and how they fell mentally ill. And ways out of it. Blaming people for not doing what they wanted during their treatment process.. or why it happened. Or why it can't be changed And it sounds familiar to what I've experienced. Having a point of blame for things going wrong. And a point of blame for why it can't be or couldn't be fixed, resolved and move on. It's not who they are. But it does pop up from time to time. And it has damaged them. Anniversaries, stress, mile stones throughout the years. Certain triggers. Maybe something that will help with you with understanding what your son is going through? I spent years being fuming mad and going through fits of rage and having extremely violent thoughts about these types of things. The self talk was just absurd and had a very twisted and disturbed nature. It was very controlling. And didn't allow me to focus on myself and move forward. And because it was also meaningful to myself and centered around my life experiences. It had huge amounts of power and control over me. It was very much like. Find the reasons behind my problems and why my life is not good even if it involved people mandatory blame blame blame. Hate hate hate. Attack attack attack. And it was only hurting me even more and destroying what little was left. Unfortunately it involved and was surrounded around my most loved ones. And it stemmed back too anyone of dozens upon dozens of instances of incidences which i was on the receiving end of or the instigator or perpetrator behind. Hence there being. A poor me. Feel sorry for me. Against a bad me. Punish me. And a sabotage me. And there was massive switches in my thinking patterns toward myself. Poor me blamed others. While bad me blamed myself. And it would switch and swap from. A wide array of emotions going to and from. Myself the perpetrator. Too them the victim. Too me the victim. Too them the perpetrator. And putting myself well trying too. Put myself in the victims or perpetrators minds. That was on the other person prospective of these instances of incidences so there was huge emotional mood swings. And thinking patterns changes. And massive and hugely powerful and controlling cycles i was going through. Just disabling me. From functioning in so many ways. Working education. Loosing interest in life. Hobbies. Loosing interest in woman. Not taking care of myself. Not socialising relationship breakdowns wanting to run. Hide and escape loosing my sanity. Fears upon fears. Insecurities doubts. Questions. Emotional baggage. Symptoms. And then looking for help. I will say though. Talking about it. Alll of it. With whomever. And not being exposed to shame or embarrassment. And repenting for what i done. I do. Or going to do. And forgiving for what had happened. Is happening. Or going to happen. Has helped. Now it's just plain old boring life to deal with. It's still happening to a degree but revolved around more positive stuff. But is the same natured type of thing.

I'm thinking I'd be doing myself a huge favor too get into some type of education course. I been thinking for awhile now. Social Science. Or something to do with English language. And also part time employment and volunteering.

These issues you mention about my uncles death. Are just a normal part of the grieving process.

I try not to say or write stuff which creates a double standard. Or expectation for somebody. Like there is a right and wrong way. Or there is a better or worse way. Every now and again i experience it. And it does my head it. Especially when it involves my life and my day to day way of getting bye. I've noticed the system is good at doing it. Kind of like creating stigma which they have the answers too.

Eude

In response to: Re: Coming to terms with reality

Unknown userMember07 Dec 2017, 9:42 am AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

Hi @Mohill, good to see you. I can relate to what you're saying. The protesting life's curveballs. Being distracted from our own path, sidetracked... reactive... But I have less energy for it now, probably just getting old but I too am learning to find acceptance.

MINDFULNESS meditation strategies have helped me with this process - the 'noticing without judgement' - saying 'that's interesting' and letting it pass. Of cause I'm human and still have a reflex to snap back or cry or look for help... sometimes, but mostly just learning to accept. Its a strange sobering place that almost feels like depression but I don't think it is. Its real - we live in a broken world, pretending its not is just escape I think. and draining. Harsh realities can bring fear. I'm learning to find Strength in that Vulnerability.

My Cuppa tea adfiction is calling, would you like to join me Mohill ♨♨ Hope your day goes well today. I liked reading your post. ❤❤❤

In response to: Re: Coming to terms with reality

Unknown userMember07 Dec 2017, 5:40 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

hello @eudemonism @Former-Member

Thank you both for your responses....always nice to have that feeling that someone has read my thoughts...alongside my act of writing them being therapeutic in itself...

eude....a huge response from you.....there is so much depth in your writing....I now find sometimes when I read your responses that I can feel how you are possibly feeling at the time....the intensity that you want to be able to express to me....you do it very well...

you have given me a totally different aspect of looking at my son's illness....

you have put into words....questions that I have been asking of others since my son's last detainment...

You have probably worked out by now that I am a very deep thinker...

For me to be there for my son I needed to understand a little of how delusions and hallucinations feel..

you have given me very vulnerable....information about you life experiences....

I cannot begin to thank you enough...that has taken much courage for you to write about your experiences....

I deeply respect you for responding in that manner....

moving forward there will be others desperate to know a little bit more about the illness and it's effects from a person's own experience....so you are helping others in the future also..

study would be a brilliant idea....I know that you like reading....there are many tafe courses available..some I think that you can do by correspondence....something to look into...probably starting in february next year....I think that you have to attend an information session on the course of your choice. If you ring the closest tafe that runs the course of your choice there will be a lecturer who will explain the process ....of course if you have already been down this path before....ignore what I have said...

volunteering ....I know that you have done this before....perhaps a new area....I was going to ask you again if you have a case worker or social worker...from what you have written they do not seem to be very helpful .....

have you telephoned Sane ....I am not sure if you come under the new NDIS scheme or not...

as for medication change you have every right to stand up and tell your gp that you need another referral if the last one is older than 12 months....you can then speak to the psychiatrist about your concerns of how the medication that you are on is overpowering your life....there are more than one type of medication ....

@Former-Member

yes your response does make sense....I use mindfulness a lot when I walk...sadly I have not walked for some time now...

at the moment my psychotherapist and myself have worked out that I am detached from my surroundings....

I used to go swimming and think that I will work at getting back to that after christmas too...

I love your new picture....beautiful soft smoky colours

nice to speak to you again...

take care all

talk soon

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor08 Dec 2017, 8:22 am AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

Have given up smoking. Not feeling real well. Don't feel motivated to do anything. Having trouble even reading your post.

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor08 Dec 2017, 9:24 am AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@Former-Member

Ups and downs. Highs and lows. Three steps forward. Two steps back. Waves of thoughts and feelings and consequential actions.

The mental health system is designed too make people think, feel and act like there is something wrong. Which they then have the answers too. And make people too jump through hoops or live up to unreasonable expectations. That support the systems purpose, meaning and cause. These people who work for the system are called public servants.

Turning to these people on an ongoing basis is a very toxic scenario for anyone to be caught in. Because they will keep notesabout all the bad and negative things you tell them. From their prospective. As a bitter and twisted public servant. Who is no better or worse then the patient. Which the get a power rush and control kick from. Because they standing over and treating somebody like there is something wrong with them. Which they get paid and trained too do.

Yesterday i got what i would call. I subliminal threat of imposing more control over my life. For no good reason at all. And i thought tp myself. Well bleep you. You bleep. Its just how they work.

Often pushing the patient into more problems then they presented with. And of course their medication is the answer. How convenient?

As for my writing helping people in future mohill. It don't really bother me.

Eude.

In response to: Re: Coming to terms with reality

Unknown userMember08 Dec 2017, 11:40 am AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

hello @eudemonism

it sounds like you had another bad day yesterday dealing with people who have some say in your care.

I know myself that I would be very frustrated with that kind of treatment also.

Due to the nature of these forums....using social media...we have to always be mindful of the fact that giving away too much information about ourselves can put us in a position where our identity might be discovered...you have succesfully avoided this....

I know from what you have mentioned in the past that you are obligated to have a monthly injection..

Is there only one gp whom you can see or can you go elsewhere?

You do have human rights and the right to question your medication if it is affecting your life so much...

a professional person at sane might be able to point you in the direction of obtaining information about your rights..

In response to: Re: Coming to terms with reality

Unknown userMember09 Dec 2017, 2:00 pm AEDT