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Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor02 Aug 2017, 7:01 pm AEST

Coming to terms with reality

Hi Readers, i am suffering from "mental health issues" and it is an ongoing, daily battle. I am pretty much constantly wrestling with the thoughts going on in my mind. And my psychical life seems too be suffering for it. (There is a huge difference between physical and mental ) something is definitely not right! So each day I'm waking up and going about my routine. And over the last few days, weeks and months. I have been noticing changes in my mentality toward myself, others and life. And some questions such as, what is my life about? And what should my objectives be? Have arisen... of course like we all are, I'm subject too making decisions... and there has been the same options in front of me time and time again for months on end. And it becomes rather draining and mundane. And i feel myself going around in circles like something simple just ain't connecting.

I enjoy writing, art, music. And peace of mind... walking, reading, meditation. Taking care of myself. Socialising. Etcetera. Getting ahead, getting in front. Planning, dreaming and so on. And do my best to look after myself. While accepting that it can only ever be so much.

But there just something not quite right. And I'm suffering for it on a daily basis. And I'm tired and fed up with going through the same stuff everyday. And in all honesty. Alot of my suffering comes from prospective and thought processes.

Does anyone wanna talk with me about some things that might help? In particular dealing with people no matter who they are. Can be very stressful and cause lots of procrastinating about pros and cons. In particularly people who i think about reaching out to for support. Because of dilemmas dramas and social dynamics. And picking up on things that "aint really happening" "gut feelings type of stuff " "intuition" that type of thing. And enjoying time with people is great! I just tend to be overly preoccupied with symptoms to be worried about socialising sometimes "Symptoms which involves others"

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In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor04 Dec 2017, 6:00 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@Former-Member

Yea im aware of some free counselling every twelve months but sometimes it dont work out. Im feeling really angry after seeing the doctor today. He needs a bullet as far as im concerned.

Eude

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor05 Dec 2017, 8:10 am AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@Former-Member

Sorry about that last post. Which may have been uncalled for but in all honesty. Im given no other option then to become irrational and impulsive when dealing with my feelings which are caused bye dealing with people from the system. Because there is a massive lack of competence involved.

Eude

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor05 Dec 2017, 2:56 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@Former-Member

Despite my best attempts or anything i do too help myself. I believe i will always be overwhelmed with medication side effects. And this is fact. Not a myth. It is disabling me big time. They are drugging me up too the eye balls. And im capable of doing stuff all too help myself. And then they do what the doctor did yesterday. They place everything that needs to be done back upon myself. Who is medicated.

Eude.

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor05 Dec 2017, 3:07 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@Former-Member

I will ring the nurse at the west wing facility and ask them about a review and medication change. Due too it bombing me out too much and I will tell you what they say. I am afraid they will just up the dose and brush their hands clean of me for 12 months. Or put me on another cto can you see why stopping medications feels like a good idea? Right now i am feeling very low. Very down. And very out. And do not feel like doing very much at all. Why? Because of the medication! Do they care? No i do not think so. Who do they expect to do something about this? Me! Am i capable of navigating a broken. Corrupt. And fractured system? As someone who is unwell. Medicated. And suffers problems? No. And has dozens of incompetent people working for it. Too protect the heart and core of the system.

Eude.

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor05 Dec 2017, 3:21 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@Shaz51 and @Former-Member

You are both welcome to join into the conversation. And speak your mind. All this stuff that is going on. Is a huge part of why i smoke so much. That little mental twist i go through that the system is on the other side of. Fuelling my habits. Which they are jacking up the prices of. What a joke?

@Former-Member apparently the nurse is out visiting other clients at the moment.

I got a life i want to be living! I got things i want to be doing! I got extra stuff i want to be achieving. Instead i am just. Spending huge amounts of time at home and alone. And doing nothing.

Eude

In response to: Re: Coming to terms with reality

Unknown userMember05 Dec 2017, 10:31 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

Hello @eudemonism

That is all vey frustrating for you

can you ring the chief officer of psychiatry and let him know how you feel...can he give you some advice..

let me know the outcome..talk soon

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor06 Dec 2017, 11:38 am AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@😧😨😉@mohill

I have noticed a change in your usual texting pattern have i caused this? Have you been put on the back foot bye something I've said? Which i need to explain? Please tell me if so....

I am annoyed at the position and circumstances i am finding myself in every morning mohill. And this results in the asking of questions. Which i honestly answer myself. Which means i return the responsibility of. Too the system and people of the system. As they have had such great influence over my life. Through. Control and power. Which people like me. Give them. On an ongoing basis! So i expect the best service as a member of the public in return. And when it aint there. And aint up to scratch. I become. Mad and annoyed. Really quickly. Which results in acts of self sabotage. As a display. Of protesting against the way things are.

Only the best will do. Is this making sense?

Eude.

In response to: Re: Coming to terms with reality

Unknown userMember06 Dec 2017, 5:54 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

hello @eudemonism

I have been struggling....this time of years always brings on my depression...

I am also struggling because I have not spoken to my older son since 14th November...

I did receive very lengthy text messages about 25/11 all about protecting myself from all of the evils in the world...

my twin sister who has given me much grief over so many years....whom I also love to bits regardless...is now being tested for myeloid leukaemia...we are waiting to hear the results of the blood test sent interstate..she has had poor health over the last 6 years.....my 91 year old mum is of course very worried also and feeling the effects...

I just feel absolutely drained...

You have said nothing wrong at all eude...

I apologise that I haven't responded in more depth...the words are just not there at the moment..

I understand myself how it feels when people do not listen or dismiss my opinions...thoughts...

yes you would feel very angry....I am concerned that you used the phrase self-sabotage...it is not yourself who should be punished or hurt as a result of systems not working....

who in your life do you feel the most comfortable talking with? someone with whom you feel safe?

is there anyone in your family who would assist you in seeking medical help elsewhere....I am not insinuating that you are unable to on your own....It is a good thing to have an advocate with us sometimes....two people are more likely to be taken notice of....as sad as that is...

have your fridge and freezer arrived yet? you must be getting excited about stocking up on food..

you said that christmas is going to be good...will you invite some people over to your place or do you go elsewhere?

speak soon

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor06 Dec 2017, 6:18 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@Former-Member

I'm sorry too hear that you are feeling this way because of this hectic time of year and your eldest son going through difficult times with his mental illness. Protecting ones self is important. Have you told him that you love him on one of your phones? Or through text if it is too hard to say?

And as for your sisters poor health. I am also very upset that it is making you feel this way. Is there anything you are thinking about these two matters which fuel the negative feelings? Which you could take positive action too try and resolve?

Death is gonna get all of is at the end of the day. And before death knocks on anyone's door. It's usually an uphill battle until that point. All you can really do is be there for her. And comfort and console her. Try to get a smile our of her about the good old times. I'm unsure if this is helpful?

My uncle was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer about six months ago. And it only took eight weeks for him to pass away. I was very upset about this. And wanted someone to blame and answers. Couldn't come to terms with the facts. The doctors done it. The church done it. His old enemies done it. In my mind it was a setup. Also partially blaming myself. But literally what it was. Was that he caught cancer and passed away. And i wish I'd paid my respects to him while he was still alive.

Maybe if you think about your son as having mixed feelings and mixed messages about everything? And having an awful lot going on in his mind. And wanting to help himself and get back to normality. Maybe it will help you understand better.

Eude.

In response to: Re: Coming to terms with reality

Unknown userMember06 Dec 2017, 6:36 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

hello @eudemonism

what a beautiful reply eude...

I always tell him on the few occasions that he will listen...yes always in text...always have done....

I am a strong believer in telling family that I love them...so I made this a huge part of raising my sons...

my younger son is so very much like me in many ways as in how he thinks...he is very expressive and writes the most beautiful words in cards to me..

my older son when needing my help before illness worsened also used to tell me how much he loved me in response to my telling him...

so I have that knowledge...I hold onto that..

my pain is about not knowing what he is going through...how his living conditions are...is he safe? has he been robbed again??

I know that he is trying so very hard to deal with the voices in his head and this hurts me too....

I have told him in the few conversations that I have had with him when he is coherent that I wish for him a quality of life where he can feel safe...loved and have some enjoyment...achieve some of his goals..

I fear that he is very unwell now from the content of his messages ....

Pancreatic cancer is a dreadful cancer...my twin's partner passed away from that 7 years ago ...we were all at his bedside in the last eight hours....very difficult..that would have been very hard for you..I remember you writing about losing an uncle...

my sister is worn out from being so ill...she is also very black and white in her thinking...she can be very judgemental and is very controlling...when she lashes out in anger...she is like another person altogether..she does not understand mental illness nor does she want to...she has told me to get on with my own life and not worry about my older son...so consequently her and my mother do not speak about my older son...he is a relative of theirs but it is as though he has never existed..

I do hope that I do not upset you in writing this....you have probably experienced stigma yourself...

Regardless of mental illness we are still loving people who have even deeper feelings than those without mental anguish....

eude....you are so kind to continue to talk to me....I do hope that you realise I genuinely want to listen to you and wish for you a life where you can achieve at least some of your goals...no different to any other human being..

take care

speak soon

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