Coming to terms with reality

@eudemonism

Please try this what I am posting, @outlander gave me help this morning. I tried it & it was/is wonderful. See if this works for you too,ok? I hope & pray so!

Love & Hugs!

Bella XO 🙂

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86HUcX8ZtAk

@Mulgajane& @utopia I'm having trouble with my addictions... do either of you want to talk to me about it??? I've been drinking alcohol on a regular basis for a fair while now and it's getting me down, I've always had apart of me that detests alcohol and the alcohol scene (lifestyle ), because i know it's no good for me and i know it causes problems and bad behaviour. Plus it contributes to my mental problems and my other addictions (ciggies and coffee) other stuff.

Every time i drink. I feel i become a little more detached and distanced from what my Higher Power has intended for myself, and a little further away from a righteous life and living a good and decent life. Plus i usually commit inappropriate and bad behaviour- which i really regret when sober. Every time i drink i end up a little further away from getting my life on track and sorting my life and my issues out. It really is a sad and demeaning cycle.

An associate / fellow patient / friend / drinking partner / a person in similar circumstances. Regularly drinks and regularly offers drinks to me. So I'm trying to connect the dots and work out where I'm going wrong. Plus there is this mentality he has where 'we're in the same boat, we're in it together, we're codependent type of thing ' - several to a dozen times now. I've had a go at him for offering me drinks. And tried speaking with him about how his drinking and financial problems are rubbing off of on myself. But he doesn't want to admit any wrong, be responsible or be accountable. This morning he actually said. After a drinking sessions yesterday afternoon 'It's your decision ' *directed at myself. And i thougth stuff you! It's your bloody decision to come around here to my home *anywhere from 6-7 times a week. (With intentions to drink and get tanked; and with intentions to get me drinking with him) plus. To suggest having a drink. And to buy the alcohol. To see there's no problem. To do this repeatedly. To get into debt to drink. That's what has gotten the ball rolling every time! And i feel like an innocent stander who's getting caught up in a awful problem.

And from my perspective. I'm just happy to have a visitor and social support. Or in other similar cases. Happy to have someone to visit. And it is literally doing my head in. I feel trapped. I feel caged in...

Little by little. I feel I'm loosing myself in this scenario...

@Sophia1@Mazarita@Shaz51
@Faith-and-Hope@Appleblossom
@frog@Former-Member@Bunniekins

Welcome to my life...

@eudemonism Hi eudemonism it really is your choice whether or not you have this person in your life or not. If you find that he is a negative influence on your I would say kick him to the kerb. You don't need that influence when you are trying to get yourself back on track.

I know that will be hard to do and to stick with but that is what I would do. Sorry things are feeling down for you but you do have the power to get rid of his influence over you. Just tell him you don't want this anymore and to go. Love greenpea.

Hi @eudemonism, I get why you would want this man in your life, to avoid isolation and spending too much time alone. There may also be genuine friendship or at least friendly companionship there, as has been the case with me in a relationship I have with a friend, that has also been co-dependant in relation to an addiction I have.

In these kinds of relationships, I believe both parties contribute to the unhelpful dynamic. I think it's best to take responsibility for our part in perpetuating it too. I believe it's more empowering to us that way and, in a way, gives us more of a sense of ownership over our own lives.

In the case of my friend, I have chosen to maintain the relationship, which has gone on a long time, as I value it for what it offers both of us in the way of companionship and friendship, aside from the addiction aspect.

What I have been able to do recently is quit my addiction, even while she continues hers. It has required me to have some strength in deciding for myself how I want to live my life, regardless of what others are doing around me. She has been good enough to avoid indulging in the addiction as much while I am in her company. But there are times when she does indulge, and I have been surprised to find myself able to leave her to it without weakening and getting back into it myself.

Hope these thoughts might be useful to your situation. Best, Maz

Hello @eudemonism

Those struggles that you describe sound extremely difficult to deal with...

I have not stopped supporting you ....I can understand that it might feel that way when the days and/or nights are so painful...

where does everyone go when we need help the most? Many of us might ask ourselves this question...

perhaps the answer is in that question...

that just came into my head as I was writing by the way...

the answer just popped into my head also ......

where does everyone go when we need help the most?

they don't go anywhere...they are still with us the whole of the time....

even when there are no new responses or supports acknowledged....they are still with us...we are never alone on these forums...

the whole virtual setup allows us to learn to accept this concept I believe...

You are never alone Eude...your friends and supporters are always with you..in essence..

Keeping this in mind when you reach out and there is no immediate written acknowledgment savour the thought that you are supported and held up by your friends here...

I am practising this very concept myself...

This like other strategies will only help some of the time if at all...

Focussing on breathing and grounding myself works best for me....

my "family member" told me that he thinks of a special word and recalls that when his head is out of control...he keeps on saying that word over and over again...

Today I am feeling so very depressed...teary...fed up...

Tears are coming now....I will share my tears with you in hope that you will be able to release some of your pent up feelings...emotions...

as for the subject of over assuming friends....

cat just landed on keyboard and deleted most of my message..

friendship or no friendship...

you are feeling like this too regularly...

he is thinking of himself...not respecting your wishes...

is he really a good friend? only you can answer that one..

is he your only friend? are others keeping away because of his behaviour?

another list ?..... columns..

reasons to keep friendship.......reasons to not keep friendship..keep only as occasional acquaintance.....say goodbye

If all too hard....walk or drive car if safe to do so with Mister...

big hug

@eudemonism

Believe it or not, in my past I had a few not many, so called friends, whom tried to encourage me to join in with their life style, & choices!

I did yield to peer pressure, & temptation, att, it was an horrific time, I never took drugs, nor smoked, but I did drink some alcohol. I nearly got hooked into drinking far too much. I was in love with the main offender, swept off my feet, att, he was, Mr Wonderful to me, he could do no wrong, my eyes, then at that time. Until I saw my life, & myself looking pretty Ugly, & as hard as it was to give up on Love. I chose to turn my back on him, & all that came with him. I felt unclean, & losing the little I did have, by staying with him, & his friends, & I chose to look at the whole BIG PICTURE!!! My tunnel vision glasses (just an expression) I had taken off!! With saying this, the choice is still up to you, weigh out what you will lose, by walking away. If you think it's best for you, then put you first, & just get over it all. You will definitely grow from giving up someone that seems to be lost, at the moment. I do not think that you are in a position at the moment to stay strong with his influence around you in such a BIG way. You can always, take time out until you strengthen, & grow. Then talk to him, just as I did with my x boyfriend.

I seriously thought that I missed him after becoming, stronger, & wiser, in time. So I spent a few hours with him, & at the end of my visit, I could not get away quick enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is my experience here, if you do not relate, I do understand, just a new way for you, of seeing things, that I personally lived through!

I hope it helped you, in some way?

Love & Hugs!

Bella XO 🙂

@eudemonism it is a tough call eudemonism. Only you can make the decision but your mental and physical health should come first and foremost. I believe anyway.