Coming to terms with reality

@Sophia1yea i think that expecting more out of life and myself then they can ever be. Trying to get myself and my life to a prior state of condition where everything seemed just fine. Which can obviously never happen.

Things have slowly but surely been changing as time goes by. Somethings have changed for the better. Somethings have changed for the worse. And somethings have stayed the same. However consider that i believe the problem comes from wanting better, wanting things to be different and wanting my life and my self to be a certain way. Kind of having expectations upon myself, others, the world and reality. May be I'm going about it all the wrong way???

@eudemonism

Funny thing with love & attraction, the person looks perfect in some ways, because the heart gets in the way. I met him at a nite club, & we just wrere like magnets towards each other from the word go! My date that I went with went home hurt & alone 😞 att I hade a hard heart towards my date, & friend (was not a love thing). Then next day we (new Love)

& I went to church together, he was a Christian. I was so proud to be with him att. I was love struck, he had MI, & I was a MHW, whom been through Mental Trauma. I was out to heal him, I thought, I wish I could have, I did try hard tho. He was an alcoholic, & had a record for abuse!!

I still saw him as perfect, & WONDERFUL, att, I felt so blessed!!

This is the effect tunnel vision does, very dangerous way to be Eude, he was a real lovely kind, fun, loving......... man when drinking & happy. BUTTTTT when sober, he was angry, depressed, short tempered, & definately NOT charming! 😞

Yet, I looked past all that to how I wanted to see him!! Yikkss what can I say, anyway, boy oh, boy, am I glade I woke up, & got out of it when I did, I will say no more. Just make sure you do all your home work, if you know what I mean. Seek GODS will for your life, is my advice, that's when I got stronger in The LORD! 🙂

I prayed for him, & moved on!

Love & Hugs!

Bella XO 🙂

Hey @eudemonism

I understand your ambivalence about your friend and the drinking.

It sounds a little like he is overdoing it if he comes over so often and drinks each time. I have seen many people do that kind of thing and the tendency to find companionship to justify behaviours as being socially acceptable is very common and very human.

Substance abuse is tricky and you have a few decisions to make. You couold put the shoe on the other foot and ask the friend if they can spend enjoyable time with you without drinking. Thereby winning more respect from you as a friend and not just a "parnter in crime".

For me, with giving up addictions, I have always had to do it the hard way. Living with people who indulged while I stopped. I have never regretted mastering previous addictions or compulsions ... and I have had a few ..lol ...

It is true if you have time and fondness for the person it gets trickier, but a little strength from him could be to halve the his dependance and be friends in other ways ... walking /// cards /// whatever else you can find in common ... if the person cannot understand your desire to quit ... then maybe they are not worth it ... but you dont want to throw the baby out with the bath water ....

Take care.

Yea I'm hearing you loud and clear @Former-Member it sounds like my friend. However do consider, I'm no angel, so i can't really judge anyone...

I'm in need of a job or volunteering role. I need to be using my mental cognition and physical energy. I'm nearly 33 and i have so much mental and physical energy to use up.

Just before i thought about this. Might be good for you also. - i know what i need and want to do. But it is getting overridden by negative stresses and instead of following through with my initial thought of what i need and want to do. I sit there and become stressed about other people and stuff, which i can't control and i can't change, until I'm completely worn out and cave into the other people or stuff i can't control or change. And I'm thinking about these other people or stuff, because they're clashing and interfering with what i know, i really need and want to do...And i think it is triggered off by thinking about the big and important goals, i need and want to do. Examples are relationship, employment, getting my mental and physical health right, exercise and diet, sorting family relationships out, going walking with the dog, cleaning, hygiene, looking after my stuff, achieving my goals, making positive changes, dealing with addictions, moving forward.. so basically instead of taking small and achievable steps toward all these things, which is right and just for myself, which i deserve to have, (which i know i can achieve)... I'm focusing on the other people and stuff which is clashing and interfering with myself achieving these goals, and so i try to control and change these other people and stuff, because it's interfering and clashing (getting in the way of ) myself achieving what i know i need and want to do, which is achieve my big and important goals. So when i give these other people and stuff a second thought, because they're getting in the way of myself achieving my big and important goals, and try to control and change these other people and stuff, because they are getting in the way of achieving my big and important goals, which i know i need and want to achieve to attain the best for mental and physical health. I allow the other people and stuff to win, because essentially i cannot control or change them, and on the contrary, they then begin feeding from the energy I'm giving them. And negativity begins ruling my life. It can happen at any given moment of the day. So frustrating. So essentially I'm resenting these other people and stuff, which i cannot control, and trying to negotiate and compromise with these other people and stuff, to allow my to achieve the big and important goals, meanwhile the battle and the struggle is absorbing all my energy which i should be using for the small and achievable steps.

@Sophia1@Appleblossom@Mazarita
@TAB@Shaz51@Faith-and-Hope
@Bunniekins

What do you all think?

@eudemonism Its tough and peer pressure is real.

See my previous post ...

I moved on gradually step by step and the people who behavied that way fell away, but curiously one very old friend has come back into my circle, but his behaviour is very positive, respectful and no silly teenage pressures to imbibe when you are not in the mood. There are lots of reasons and times people say "no thanks". Maybe you could practise it just once and feel the feeling of empowerment ... also instead of getting mad at him ... mabe saying you have to cool the relationship ... and do other stuff ... tho not throw it completely away.