Coming to terms with reality

No worries by me @eudemonism

Not sure what the spam thing was about. I had a few extra notifications. I guess it was the forums technical problem ...

I had to apply discipline to myself a lot like you, again and again. Sometimes people presume we have not prayed, done the thoughtful or kind thing cos things went wrong, but it is often not true. Life is not a level playground.

At the concert, one lady implied I had been mean because I brought only a small water bottle, fruit and nuts, but I have bought cases of wine at fundraisers etc and given them away over the years. Havent been drunk for yonks .... whatever ...even the ones trying to be nice, often dont understand ... just have to cope somehow ...

It takes an awful lot of things coming together in the right balance for things to go right.... whether it be a holiday ... growing a plant ... an artwork ....

I had an uncle on oxygen who would still roll his f..a..g..s. I would never have robbed him of his satisfaction. Watching an old war movie the other night, it was such a thing, everyone did ...

I am trying an approach to the forum ... on one day and getting focussed on life stuff the other ... hope I wont get so frustrated with myself for not getting things done.

Cheers All

@eudemonism

It has take me a long time to realise and come to terms with the fact that not everything that is upsetting in my life is because of me...

The constant need time and time again for me to play the role of mediator within my family....make the first call or visit after some silly disagreement...

I now know that no matter how much I longed for my family to treat me how I treat them....as in listen....actually listen to me...not judge me...not tell me what to do...what not to do...this will not happen..

they are not able to or are not willing to change....whatever...

the reality is do I want them in my life...?

answer : yes

mother cannot deal with therefore has nothing to do with me now...as no longer her controlling...on her conditions..her terms only...

sister has finally listened to my saying over and over the only way this will work is that we accept each other's differences and look beyond them...just be sisters...

occasionally I have to say ...no we are not going backwards...she is starting to realise now...

in fact now that mother is not in the middle we are getting on far better...

ask yourself do you still want them in your life?...

if answer is yes...perhaps the only way that can be is by you going to them...

perhaps they are not as strong as you and cannot face seeing you in your living environment...

perhaps they are still filled with so much grief and can only deal with minimum change...

so dont feel guilty in regard to them...just step back and see it for what it is..

of course your decision can always change ...even on a daily basis...

nothing is set in concrete...

the world revolves on change...

big hug Eude

@Appleblossommy dad had a serious lung condition not long ago and he hasn't smoked his whole life. Alot of people who catch cancer have never smoked in their lives. It's hit and miss alot of the time.

Truth be known. Alot of people who don't smoke and abide bye the systems rules. Have a much bigger and worse impact on the overall health of the planet and in turn also on the population. But that gets swept under the rug and goes unnoticed.

For instance. The big picture health impact of someone sitting in a air conditioned office for 8 hours. Or an airplane flight. Or the production of a new car or home. Through toxic gas produced in the process, and the impact it has on the overall health of mother earth and the population is probably the equivalent to 5 years of myself smoking. (Alot of this stuff I've never been involved with)

Eude

hello @eudemonism

Sorry to hear about your dad's diagnosis on top of everything else that your family has had to deal with...

my father had fluid on the lungs as well as other issues...he was not a smoker...apart from occasionally during his service in the forces during world war 11 where everyone was encouraged to smoke ironically... or sadly...

Do not measure yourself against others...I know that @Appleblossom is not inferring that either .....

It is a very hard road to quit smoking...

I want to say to you do not be so hard on yourself...

coming from me that is an oxymoron....I have it down to a fine art...I have done it all of my life..

so much harder for me to turn it around and stop doing that...

trust me nothing is gained from judging ourselves harshly...

the rest of the world does that so well....as a way of avoiding facing their own issues...

what is the latest with Monti Python?

@eudemonism @Sophia1

Yeah I dont think it is right to treat people badly if they smoke. An obstetrician treated me like dirt and I had given up. No pleasing some people. Chances are having mental health issues people often smoke. No point making them feel worse. My ex was talking about it today, saying that having a smoke got him up off the computer and to socialise - so was helpful for his posture and mental health in being social. I dont argue. My mother had given up 40 years earlier but still got the lung cancer. It is what it is.

Hope you are both doing alright.