Coming to terms with reality

@Sophia1

Life is hard work hey. Everyday I've got to keep busy. Everyday I'm forced to deal with people. It's never ending. There is basically no other way.

And Definitely!.. From time to time i feel hard done bye. I feel worn out and exhausted. I feel like it's all pointless. I literally feel like reality has screwed me over.

I micro chipped Purrpurr today and paid for another three months car rego. It drained me of all my money. Plus the cost of smokes. 70% tax. Give with one hand. Take with the other.

I'm thinking about setting up a little area in my back yard. A place to relax and entertain.

Eude

Good morning @eudemonism

Yes have to agree that life is hard....at times....

Having mental struggles does add to the daily load...I can understand how you feel worn out and exhausted at times...I truly feel for you....

I know that you are experiencing some days where you feel more motivated and inspired as you have written about...

there is some change....a break in the pattern...some relief..

Have you heard of the term ...having your own personal space?.....

the meaning is described here:

The term “personal space” generally refers to the physical distance between two people in a social, family, or work environment. Think of your personal space as the air between your body and an invisible shield, or bubble, you have formed around yourself for any relationship.

I am very aware that I need my personal space...

This concept might help you when dealing with the different people who you come across each day.....if you have no choice about them being there...you do have a choice about how close you let them come.....(some people who try to control move too close to us)....

allowing people to have their own personal space is common courtesy and respect for others....

If your space is compromised by someone or some people...then you have a right to politely ask them to step back...tell them that they are too close...in your personal space...or "I need my space" ...whatever you feel comfortable with...

Most of the time we do not even think about our personal space ...it is just there...

I am aware of mine when dealing with certain people in my extended family....

Purrpurr....haven't heard you mention him for a while....a he or a she? good idea with the microchipping...did you get a certificate or receipt with details....they probably told you to keep it in case cat gets lost....you could store the number in your mobile under purrpurr or cat ....my son has taught me this...I still keep paperwork as well....

"if you lose your phone..you lose your vital information"...

Cigarettes must cost an arm and a leg now...Have no idea ....

The cost of living is high....Australia is catching up with the rest of the world....overtaking some countries in fact....

We are still far better off in this country than other countries...at the moment...

On a positive note....yes...so pleased to hear you going back to the idea of setting up a little area in your back garden to relax and entertain.....Have you ever been to garage sales? You have to be very strong willed....remembering only to buy what you need... what are you thinking of?

an old table...a couple of chairs...an old pot for a plant...? your ideas?

take care Eude

@Sophia1

Yea personal space is great. I have heard about it. But sometimes the lines between needing socialising and needing personal space become blurred. The people I'm around come across as very demanding and needy due to their mental problems. And bye the time I realized what had happened. It was to late.

I find it difficult to maintain my social life and respect my personal space at the same time. Especially because I'm always dealing with other mentally ill men. And there is no opposite sex relationship for me to fall back on or prioritize over other relationships and leaves me needy. You know how the woman influences a man?

I think I'm finally dealing with the grief. And realising what's been going on this whole time. And I have to be really strong and not snap at the professionals. For feeling like they've let me down.

And I'm finally thinking I'm ready for a intimate and personal relationship with a lady again.

The back yard will be a fire pit. A few chairs. A bbq plate. A table. Nothing flash...

The cat is female. And with the personal space thing. It comes down to a fine balance. Would you prefer to be alone or around people? I suppose it depends on certain factors...

Eude

@Sophia1

You need to be honest with yourself. Before you can be honest. With anyone else.

Too make amends with everyone in your life. You need to allow them. Too make amends with you.

It's either a case of safety in numbers. Or fearing the angry mob.

Eude

@Appleblossom

I think the depot injection effects me more than I realize. The side effects are quite heavy and quite hard to deal with. Stuff like agitation, restlessness, irritability, sleep disturbances an internal unrest. Not real good.

Some oral meds do the same thing. Where as others, make me feel very drowsy, lethargic, confused, lazy, sleepy and dizzy.

I'm not real sure what I should do... It's tough going at the best of times... I'm no sure who I really am anymore... I'm not sure who I'd be without psychiatric drugs or on different psychiatric drugs...

Eude

I dont want to sway your thinking too much. @eudemonism

A spot in backyard sounds nice.

I have been thinking of doing the same but it will probably be a year before I get around to it....other expenses at top of the list ...today paid $75 for my cats thyroid med and $140 out of pocket for my visit to the dentist for me and food shopping.

Maybe there are other types of groups you can join that have more women involved. SOmething that you have wanted to do, or appeals ...in the now.

@Appleblossom

I think I'm going to mention a reduction in depot medication amount to doctor next time I see him. And explain that I'd like to work toward getting on a milder oral medication in the long run. Because I feel the current depot medication I'm receiving. Is causing agitation, restlessness, anxiety and such things like that. I'm also feeling I'm missing put on so much because of the side effects.

How old is your cat? And what is her / her name? They're adorable creatures.

And the back yard idea sounds great. Have you got any ideas in mind?

Eude

@Sophia1

An update in the progress of the pyshology behind my mental dilemmas.

I think I was stuck in the grieving cycle. And I was mourning the loss of my brother. It was full of lots of negative stuff. And I feel I was fabricating thoughts which meant it never ever happened, meant I had and could move on with positive results for all. and everything was fine and great. And it was very closely linked to my past life before the trauma. It was the positive side of my symptoms. The high side. Th grandiose side.

Then there was the stuck in the grieving cycle where I was trying to deal with all the negative thoughts and emotions that were associated with grieving and mourning the loss of my brother. The trauma, the shock, the anger, the guilt, the blame, and wanting to move on. This was the very negative side of things. The persecution side of things. And I blamed myself ya see... So I was fabricating thoughts, delusions and hallucinations... That were punishing me and that were trying to resolve the emotions I was dealing with. And the problems...

Both sides of the story were very implicated into my greatest loves and my worst fears... And so very meaningful to my wellbeing and safety or resolving the situation...

Moving on... From either the prospective of trying resolving the grief... Or from the prospective of... Not accepting the whole ordeal (and the loss of a loved one / valuable relationship) ... With my mind and the tricks it was playing on me (the mental problems that had developed) so yea... Moving on and recovering looks nothing like any of symptoms... It's not the worst case scenario and it's not the best case scenario... It's just a case of getting through each day and trying to get the best result for myself and provide myself with what I need...

Eude

Hello @eudemonism

Sounds like torture for you trying so hard to conciously work things out. This is so hard when do much of our pain is linked to other deep (not ready to deal with yet) beneath. So sorry you lost your brother. I cant recall your details but understand grief and how the mind can really mess us about.

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED TO SURVIVE GRIEF.

1. Hand to task!

2. Present moment thinking as much as possible.

3. Deep breaths, Nourishing food.

4. Self Compassion (be kind to yourself (thoughts + body, what you expose yourself to + what you let in + run with).

5. Regularly connect with people, even if as simple as a coffee shop.

6. Know you don't have to inderstand this to get through it (our minds are limited but our heart knows what to do)