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Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor02 Aug 2017, 7:01 pm AEST

Coming to terms with reality

Hi Readers, i am suffering from "mental health issues" and it is an ongoing, daily battle. I am pretty much constantly wrestling with the thoughts going on in my mind. And my psychical life seems too be suffering for it. (There is a huge difference between physical and mental ) something is definitely not right! So each day I'm waking up and going about my routine. And over the last few days, weeks and months. I have been noticing changes in my mentality toward myself, others and life. And some questions such as, what is my life about? And what should my objectives be? Have arisen... of course like we all are, I'm subject too making decisions... and there has been the same options in front of me time and time again for months on end. And it becomes rather draining and mundane. And i feel myself going around in circles like something simple just ain't connecting.

I enjoy writing, art, music. And peace of mind... walking, reading, meditation. Taking care of myself. Socialising. Etcetera. Getting ahead, getting in front. Planning, dreaming and so on. And do my best to look after myself. While accepting that it can only ever be so much.

But there just something not quite right. And I'm suffering for it on a daily basis. And I'm tired and fed up with going through the same stuff everyday. And in all honesty. Alot of my suffering comes from prospective and thought processes.

Does anyone wanna talk with me about some things that might help? In particular dealing with people no matter who they are. Can be very stressful and cause lots of procrastinating about pros and cons. In particularly people who i think about reaching out to for support. Because of dilemmas dramas and social dynamics. And picking up on things that "aint really happening" "gut feelings type of stuff " "intuition" that type of thing. And enjoying time with people is great! I just tend to be overly preoccupied with symptoms to be worried about socialising sometimes "Symptoms which involves others"

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In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor02 June 2018, 5:28 am AEST

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@Sophia1 Yea puss is still around... Constant going from in or out. Loving me when she wants too... My lungs feel better this morning... I've got people problems that I'm dealing with on a daily basis. From day one I've tried to lay down appropriate boundaries with the people in my life. But it just hasn't worked. They are friends, associates, or fellow patients... I'm beginning to think it's more of a toxic codependency type of relationship then anything else. It can really get on my nerves!.. Right!.. I need relationships for support and for my needs... And I basically need people to be there for me regardless... Just like other people should need me to be able there for them regardless... But it feels like my boundaries are being crossed and I feel like some of them are intruding... I've tried to push and support my idea of a healthy, good and wholesome lifestyle... Church, support groups, positive habits and coping mechanisms... But it's just been walked all over and disregarded... I expected these people or this person to realize and see what's going on. But it just hasn't worked. For instance. drinking and smoking at my place. And staying over for the night. Being a bad influence when it comes to drinking and not supporting their own smoking habit. You know. Slurping coffee, lazing around on the couch. Farting. Using my toilet. It's encroaching and intruding on my boundaries and personal space and my way of life. And I don't know what to do about it. I've tried laying down the rules from day one. But this individual/s just haven't picked up on it. I'm resenting this person and their ways and the impact they are having on my life. I've slowly but surely lost my good habits. And it seriously feels like they are taking advantage of me. I don't wanna be alone!.. And I also don't wanna be taken as an easy target. I just feels wrong...

In response to: Re: Coming to terms with reality

Sophia1Senior Contributor02 June 2018, 10:54 am AEST

Re: Coming to terms with reality

Good morning @eudemonism

Winter has arrived....cold dewy mornings...

loving the green hills and valleys...

In small communities there is always a degree of people knowing their neighbours....visiting....being there for them...where people are not away from home every day for long hours they have more time on their hands ....want to socialise...distract....

Then you have the other end of the scale where in some areas people have no idea what their neighbours look like...their names...anything about them...they are away from home for long hours..

also tend to stick to homes with modern technology....chatting online...texting.....tweeting all of the latest techniques...

We live in the rural hills and wave to our neighbours if they are at the front of their house when we drive past or drive past them in cars....even then it is hard to recognise people sometimes with the tinted windows these days..

I have met people socially through husband's sports clubs...also since I have been going to the pool...

Everyone has a right to have their own personal space.....their own personal boundaries...

You are being a friend and being there for people....You also mentioned that you sometimes need relationships for support also...

Have you made it a rule that nobody sleeps over at your house?

I seem to remember from a while back that there was someone pushing your boundaries...smoking your cigarettes ...basically disrespecting your wishes...I am wondering if this is the same person..

The other thing is that alcohol changes people's personalities at times....The earlier stages of the evening might be relaxable and enjoyable...then your space and boundaries are no longer distinguishable to the other person...

This person might also just not listen....be selfish in their actions....not have the capacity to be empathic..possibly be toxic in your life as you stated...

Sadly there is no halfway mark with someone like that....they have to be told that you have had some good times together...However you have mentioned several times about staying in your house too long and they are not respecting that wish...So they need to know that the consequence is that they cannot come over anymore...

write down what you want to say to them ....make sure that you are in a calm state of mind when you tell them...very important not to be angry or sound aggressive...try not to accuse...call names...swear....try to keep it more about they have already been told about your boundaries....they have been given enough chances..the consequences are...you feel disrespected and decided to cut all ties with them...(in your words)

if necessary you might want a friend to be with you at the time...

You will be taking assertive action...putting those boundaries back in place...taking your life back into your control...

above all do not feel guilty..

if you are not ready talk it out more on here..

Sophia

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor02 June 2018, 6:51 pm AEST

Re: Coming to terms with reality

Good evening @Sophia1

That's a lovely piece of writing. Very well written and plotted out. It tells a lovely story. It sounds like you understand what's going on.

I'm pretty much in two minds about everything. Schizo meaning split minds. So literally I'm my own worst enemy. It's very complicated too be me.

I've been taking oral meds for 43 days now. And I've decided to stop cold turkey and get back on with life. I hope for my sake it all goes well. Time will tell.

Yes well. This chap. Has got issues like all of us. And I'm sensing he's taken advantage of me. And creating a codependent relationship. For his benefit and welfare. It has worn thin and taken it's toll on me. I've been slipping backward and heading away from my values. And the situation has been revolving around his ideas. His needs and wants. And I'm thinking I'm better off without it. So I've stated. 'Pay me back what you owe me. Don't drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes around here anymore. And don't sleep over anymore.' As I tried to establish early on in the picture. But being in two minds. My guard was down. My weaknesses and vulnerabilities showed... And boundaries were intruded upon...

I kind of feel like it's my own fault. Because my decisions allowed it to happen. I sense he gets what he can from people and the situation. It's been like this from day one. I've allowed it too happen.

9/10 times I have a drink. I regret it. And I figure... I gotta do something about it...

These people I've got problems with. I've spent a lot of time with them. They've been apart of my social needs. So I've tried to work with them rather than cut them out completely. Because worst case scenario. I'm alone and have no one for support.

You know when someone over steps the mark one to many times? And it leaves you confused, resentful, blaming and angry?

Eude

In response to: Re: Coming to terms with reality

Sophia1Senior Contributor02 June 2018, 10:52 pm AEST

Re: Coming to terms with reality

Hello @eudemonism

I logged on to see if you are ok..

please do not stop medication cold turkey...that is extremely dangerous for your health...

your response to mine is very honest.....you are so brave Eude...

I want to reply properly to you tomorrow..

it is now very late for me and I have taken my medication..

I shall reply tomorrow..

sending you a big hug because I think that you could do with one....

have a safe and hopefully restful night....taking your medication please.

speak tomorrow..

Sophia

In response to: Re: Coming to terms with reality

Sophia1Senior Contributor03 June 2018, 7:49 am AEST

Re: Coming to terms with reality

Good morning @eudemonism

How did you sleep last night?

I think I managed about 4-5hours which is better than nothing....I got up at 5am went back to bed ...could not sleep so back up before the sun at 5.45am....

cats were happy they had an early breakfast..

In response to your previous post friendships develop over time....are tested over time...those who give ...who are there for you when you need them ...they are true friends...

those who might come across that way initially..then just take are not true friends...

This is the case with all people...mental unwellness aside..

Some people even go as far to use their mental ill health to manipulate and take advantage....They are very good at having excuses and not taking responsibility for their own actions....They believe that it is never their fault...that they are the victims...they most likely do not know how to say sorry...or if they do they say it too often as another way of manipulating but without meaning it..

These people are toxic....No matter how many times they come back into your life to try and convince you that they are sorry...they are not...they cannot be relied upon or even trusted...

They are definitely not worthy of your friendship...Yes they will try to put all the blame back on you...encourage you to feel guilty...This is how they hook you in...They manipulate..

You are a caring, compassionate person who forgives and wants companionship...you are a giving person...So they work on people with that compassion...

If your guard was down...it was down...you are human...you are still dealing with new medication on a daily basis...you give people chances to be a better person...when they don't not your fault..so don't be hard on Eude be kind to Eude..

Forget him...you have given him too many chances already...Just tell him...No more...We are done...

The doubts in your mind are more than likely self doubt...not schizophrenia....you have not brought this issue about because of your schizophrenia....a toxic person has taken advantage of a kind considerate, compassionate young man..you then find yourself thinking again....he has done this to me again and taken advantage of me...instead of telling him to leave you alone once and for all...you blame yourself..Many people go through this and then the time comes when they tell themselves no more..

You mention worse case scenario that you are alone without these people...are they all the same...or are they struggling telling this one particular person...?

if they are all the same as him...then you are not better with them in your life...

Have you started back on your medication? 6 weeks is not long enough for the medication to start working properly...write down those symptoms...questions and go back to the doctor...

In response to: Re: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor05 June 2018, 5:48 pm AEST

Re: Coming to terms with reality

Yea... @Sophia1

In all honesty. It's not a case of what has happened to me that has caused all this negative stuff I'm dealing with. It's a case of. What have I done which has brought it up on myself. There's no other way too look at my situation.

Eude

In response to: Re: Coming to terms with reality

Sophia1Senior Contributor05 June 2018, 6:29 pm AEST

Re: Coming to terms with reality

Good evening @eudemonism

Trying to get my head around the new visuals....

@eudemonism wrote:
Yea... @Sophia1
In all honesty. It's not a case of what has happened to me that has caused all this negative stuff I'm dealing with. It's a case of. What have I done which has brought it up on myself. There's no other way too look at my situation.
Eude

Well many people would respond with is the glass half empty or half full?

It is never too late to change..

every day is a new start..

each second is the beginning of change...

Yes you can continue to keep on punishing yourself ....You have done that for over 10 years....

Who gets to judge you and pass sentence on you Eude..

You acknowledge that you are not happy with some of your past actions.....you have thought over and over and over about this and caused yourself much anguish and illness of your mind as a result....

You came to these forums for a reason....you did not come here to tell your story and continue to punish yourself....you were already doing that....You wanted to be heard....you wanted to improve your life...

Now you can start doing just that....when you read these words you can start....you can tell yourself that those thoughts that talk to you in your head have been heard....you are going to get up every day and tell yourself that you like yourself...you are a good person...every day ...every time you hear those negative comments...you speak back and say that you like yourself and you are a good person...

you can start liking who you are now.....you can learn to love who you are now and who you are becoming....

I am on the same journey...So is every single person on these forums...Some know this already..some have still to realise....most of us need to start....

The fact is that we are not the same person who we were when all of the things that we blame ourselves for or were victims of.... happened...That time has gone....The memories...emotions might still be with us...some of those will not disappear...we acknowledge that ......we cannot go back and change the past...we can do something about now and tomorrow though...

We decide whether we carry all of the heavy weight around with us or do we start telling ourselves each new day something that we like about ourselves...

I hope to hear one thing tomorrow that you like about yourself....

In response to: Re: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor06 June 2018, 6:27 am AEST

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@Sophia1 life is life and people are people at the end of the day.

In response to: Re: Coming to terms with reality

Sophia1Senior Contributor06 June 2018, 11:16 am AEST

Re: Coming to terms with reality

good morning @eudemonism

@eudemonism wrote:
@Sophia1life is life and people are people at the end of the day.

Your above response is very true....

This same response also confirms that you are intelligent and think about things....

can you take this as a compliment and keep it somewhere to remind yourself that this is a good quality to have.....a good reason to like yourself..?

blue sky here today and sun coming out....

I have psychotherapist appointment ...then exercising in the pool this afternoon....lovely getting in the water which is heated of course....freezing getting out...

I love being in water...ever since I was a little girl...it helps me connect with who I am more...as does nature

In response to: Re: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor06 June 2018, 12:33 pm AEST

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@Sophia1

I'm sleeping alright. I rarely get 8-9 hours of straight sleep like I did as an 18-19 y/I before the loss of my brother and when I was working hard. But I've no option but too deal with it. I rarely wake up feeling refreshed and rejuvenated... I kind of follow the tides, the sun, the moon and the weather...

I've been through some hellish times in my life... But a present it all seems settled and reasonable... I've got everything I need... I just shouldn't judge it critically on my expectations and ideals...

Eude

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