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Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor02 Aug 2017, 7:01 pm AEST

Coming to terms with reality

Hi Readers, i am suffering from "mental health issues" and it is an ongoing, daily battle. I am pretty much constantly wrestling with the thoughts going on in my mind. And my psychical life seems too be suffering for it. (There is a huge difference between physical and mental ) something is definitely not right! So each day I'm waking up and going about my routine. And over the last few days, weeks and months. I have been noticing changes in my mentality toward myself, others and life. And some questions such as, what is my life about? And what should my objectives be? Have arisen... of course like we all are, I'm subject too making decisions... and there has been the same options in front of me time and time again for months on end. And it becomes rather draining and mundane. And i feel myself going around in circles like something simple just ain't connecting.

I enjoy writing, art, music. And peace of mind... walking, reading, meditation. Taking care of myself. Socialising. Etcetera. Getting ahead, getting in front. Planning, dreaming and so on. And do my best to look after myself. While accepting that it can only ever be so much.

But there just something not quite right. And I'm suffering for it on a daily basis. And I'm tired and fed up with going through the same stuff everyday. And in all honesty. Alot of my suffering comes from prospective and thought processes.

Does anyone wanna talk with me about some things that might help? In particular dealing with people no matter who they are. Can be very stressful and cause lots of procrastinating about pros and cons. In particularly people who i think about reaching out to for support. Because of dilemmas dramas and social dynamics. And picking up on things that "aint really happening" "gut feelings type of stuff " "intuition" that type of thing. And enjoying time with people is great! I just tend to be overly preoccupied with symptoms to be worried about socialising sometimes "Symptoms which involves others"

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In response to: Coming to terms with reality

AppleblossomSenior Contributor22 Mar 2018, 1:32 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@eudemonismand @Friendconnect

I am very sad to see that mohill has closed her account. I know she was going to hospital today for serious surgery regarding a tumour. Maybe she felt she could not keep up her contacts on this forum given her physical challenges. I will miss her a lot. I am not sure whether either of you were aware as she mentioned it in snippets on another thread. I wish her the best. I was also concerned that either of you might be shocked seeing the former member tag without understanding the circumstances.

Hope you are both doing alright.

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

FriendconnectSenior Contributor22 Mar 2018, 1:55 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@Appleblossom,
Thanks for updating regards mohill.
I am sure she will be back once shes out of the hospital and feeling well... fairly soon I know😊

@eudemonism,
Hope you're doing well. Please do keep venting out your feelings and emotions. I and all here on forums are here to listen to you...
❤️

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor22 Mar 2018, 9:01 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

Hi @Friendconnect @Appleblossom and @mohill thanks for all the support, kind words, truth and advice... I did some mindfulness last night and it was an enlightened experience... I was talking about thoughts controlling emotions... Emotions controlling actions and actions controlling feelings... I'm not sure if I can change the way my mind works... But can perhaps only learn to live with it... And at least get a level of quality out of it...

Even though suffering is inevitable

I'd like to set myself up in my unit to be ready to be creative... With art, music, writing, photography and drama... And get a collection of works going...

I enjoy my food... I enjoy good company... I enjoy my walks with Mister... I enjoy patting my cat... I enjoy fishing... I like collecting books... I like reading... I like music... TV shows and movies... And so on... I think I just got to accept what's going on in my life, who I am, and the lifestyle I'm living... And get the most out of it wherever, whenever, however and with whatever I can... It's a bumpy ride at the best of times...

I'm over the initial stages of my injection... I'm now tapering down... And becoming more manic and mental as each day goes bye... I'm not sure if it's withdrawal or my illness coming back...

Still very frustrated at the system... But not a lot I can do about that... Just got to work with them as best I can... I'm in for the long haul... I'm functioning as best I can... It's a degenerative condition I'm suffering from... I need a cure... But there is no cure... It could be worse...

I am learning and I am making progress... Just got to deal with and accept whatever life throws at me...

I've been exposed to the concept of the higher and lower being and the theory of normalization instead of stigma... When manic and mental I'm jumping from past to present to future... From future to present to past... From present to past to future... From present to future to past... From future to past to present... From past to future to present... And my mind is feeding and learning and developing from all of it... It kind of has too take its own course... It kind of has too happen...

So many thoughts going on inside my mind when it's all going down...

I'd like to be working with the mental health team from now on... Instead of against them... And yea... Faith in myself and faith in God is crucial...

Living is a full time job... It's hard work and I don't think it's going to get any easier...

Eude

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

FriendconnectSenior Contributor22 Mar 2018, 9:58 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@eudemonism,
I am really delighted that you decided to act in a direction of positive thoughts. With my experience, all you need to do is just be on the way to happiness... it does not matter at all how slow you move.
You definitely sound happier than couple of days back and that in my eyes is a miracle and shows much strength on your part.

A good way to make peace with the past is to express your feelings ... it's very important to speak out if you think something wrong has been done to you and make sure you do it with the person concerned first. If still not resolved.. get others involved.

Respect yourself enough to part ways with people who make you feel small. You're valuable and you need people who appreciate you and make a cherishable memories. If you can't talk face to face write down your feelings.

I am really happy for you and look forward to listen more from you

Also... I think we just limit our options with our thinking. Like I said before, when you believe things can get better.. only then you can see ways of achieving the same.

There's always a way... allow yourself to be open to consider and find it.

In response to: Re: Coming to terms with reality

AppleblossomSenior Contributor23 Mar 2018, 12:07 am AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

"Respect yourself enough to part ways with people who make you feel small."

That is a great line @Friendconnect I will keep it in mind for me.

@eudemonism Glad you are happier today. What sort of music are you interested in?

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

Unknown userMember23 Mar 2018, 10:40 am AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

😞

In response to: Re: Coming to terms with reality

Sophia1Senior Contributor23 Mar 2018, 4:04 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

Hello @eudemonism

Have been reading some of your latest posts....

I understand what you say about the mood changes as the days pass in the cycle..

You are very aware of self...

I was very saddened to read of such a huge loss in your life at such a tender age...I cannot begin to imagine how you have survived what you have...

You are such a brave young man....you write with such depth and truly move my emotions when I read your words...

I say again to you Eude...continue with your writing...however you decide to use it...or safekeep your precious words for yourself at this time...

writing on whichever thread you choose is a very good way to vent and release so many pent up feelings as you already know...

How are mister and puss?

take care as always

your friend Soph

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor23 Mar 2018, 10:51 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

Hi @Sophia1

Mister and Puss are doing really well. They are a great distraction and great friends. Mister is becoming well trained and really well behaved. Despite the usual dog behaviours which humans may never be able too fully comprehend. I take him with me most places I go. He loves going for a drive in the car. And Puss just does the cat thing. In out. In out. All day long. Comes in for food and water. Milk. Pats. A safe place to ride out bad weather. But apart from that. She jumps the fence into neighbours place or goes over the back fence to the people's yards who live behind me. Or spends her time sleeping in the front garden. I've even seen her cross the road a few times... She's lovely... She's really affectionate when she wants to be... She don't like anybody but me picking her up... And with Mister... It's stuff like pulling on the lead... Running a muck... Wanting to play with other dogs... Whimpering through the fence at neighbours dogs... A little mischievous... Still young... Still a puppy... Getting distracted easily and not coming when I call him if off the lead around other people and dogs... (but pretty good and getting better in general) Puss probably has her territory marked out and knows where home base is... Where as Mister is in the back yard or lying down inside... They... Plus my three gold fish will be my main concern if anything happens to me... It's amazing to watch Puss walking along the fence top... Just agility and balance...

How is life going for yourself?

Sometimes a hot chocolate and a few biscuits lifts the spirits...

Eude

In response to: Re: Coming to terms with reality

Sophia1Senior Contributor24 Mar 2018, 9:01 am AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

hello @eudemonism

So lovely that you are bonding with your pets...

yes they are work...they love unconditionally and pass no judgement..they are soothing for the soul...when they are behaving laugh...

yes puppies and kittens ...very playful and mischievous..

mister sounds very playful....curious..excited when you take him out for a walk...

taking him with you on most occasions is the best way for his bond with you to grow....he will become disciplined sooner with your consistent one word commands...

I agree with the territorial instinct with cats...marking the boundaries with their smell....

three goldfish...have you named them?

I would say worrying about their futures if something happens to you.. would be a concern for all good pet owners....a true sign that you care....

somethings in our life are beyond our control....enjoy your life with them now as they grow and you all become so close..

Life is pretty exhausting at the minute..a huge drain on my energy...

I am coping and have strong support from my psychiatrist....

have friends coming for lunch..friend with cancer ...fresh growth sadly and her husband who is recovering from disc fusion on back...they are a lovely couple and we are able to relax and have a laugh..

sunday I hope to catch up with son and mum.....then go to beach and paddle through the waves lapping into shore...I will take everything about the beach...the sea...waves...sand....colours...sounds...textures...smells...grounding myself...

I will take all of this experience with me on monday when I go to hospital...

I had a piece of dark chocolate last night...a comforting treat..

I hope that you have a lovely day today and hope to speak to you again before monday

take care as always

soph

In response to: Coming to terms with reality

eudemonismSenior Contributor24 Mar 2018, 11:55 am AEDT

Re: Coming to terms with reality

@Sophia1 that sounds lovely. I was just down the wharf. I sat there and took it all in for about five minutes. Had a few brisk thoughts and moved on.

I'm thinking that I'd like a second phone. Which I can send all my private thoughts too. that have been manifest into words that rhyme and become lyrics. (tell a story) For a fair while now. I've been sending texts to the radio station computer number. And I'm wanting to cut them out of the picture. So it's a closed circuit with me, myself and I... And then store it for safe keeping.. But the problem is... I need a phone that will allow me to transfer full message threads to my computer. So I can save it and store it for safe keeping. And on top of that. I thought. It's my material. I own it. It's mine to do what I want with... And it's a commodity and asset a means of making money for myself in future... It's my life. My story. My writing. My gift. It's as simple as that... Only then will I have peace of mind... Because my phone is my best tool when it comes to writing..(it's just where it goes that is the problem) . There's also an element where I do it for the reader and to receive recognition from them. Which we all do... I think? Plus it's a coping mechanism...

Yes so you have to go to hospital on Monday. It must be nerve racking. It must be playing on your mind. And it's also something you've got to go through with... With the mind set of placing your trust in the doctors and medical professionals. And than being strong and resilient on your own behalf... To get through it...

My old neighbour went to hospital to get a lump removed. It knocked him around for a few weeks. He had a chemo treatment. And than came good. And plus the follow up tests he went through...

My current friend. Has been diagnosed on top of his mental issues. And he was in shock for the first several months. And I tried not to sugar coat things for him... He's been doing trips to the city for scans and checks... And I think he wants it to be over and done with... Bye means of the doctors fixing him with treatment. But it will be an ongoing thing. No matter what happens. Scans. Treatment. Chemo. Checks to see what's going on and so forth. Not a real good scenario really... and something the average person probably can't understand unless it's happened or happening to themselves. Or have seen someone they are close to go through it.

Life goes on. No matter what. But the unfortunate end... Is inevitable for all...

I hope that mental strength comes upon you. Too get you through these times.

Eude.

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