I dont know what to do next

Hi @Ant7, it sounds like you and your wife are very romantic with all the kissing, hugging and hand-holding you do! It sounds ideal.

Yes, I believe it is common for men to think about sex all the time, as far as I know. I think it might have something to do with men having more testosterone than women. I mean, biologically, men and women are designed a bit differently.

Although, there are certainly women out there who are very focused on sex! I have met a few.

You might like to talk over these kind of things when you see your psychologist, @Ant7. They would have a lot more relevant information for you.

I believe I taked about sex a few times with the psychologists I saw. They were very open and understanding about sexual issues..... I'm sure a lot of clients go to psychologists and talk about sex. It would be a pretty common thing.

You might especially like to hear the views of other men. Unfortunately, I don't think there are heaps of men on this site, at the moment..... anyone out there???

I could tag a few people but I'm not sure they would appreciate it!

I was just thinking.... in The Age newspaper there is a column called "About Last Night" I think, in either the Saturday or Sunday paper. It is all about sex and relationship issues.

Anyway, my husband likes to read this column and now I do too. He got me onto it. I think that if we both wanted to, it would be a great starting point for talking about sex, because the woman that writes it is very open and progressive in her opinions and we both usually agree with what she says.

Not sure if you like to get the weekend papers, but if you do, you might like to take a look at this column. I find it very interesting.

Hi @Sahara

I have had a few close relationships with women in the past but due to my moving around a lot I don't have them now - I have never thought about it much until I realised there are other women including yourself who have been alone through the years for the same reasons - don't have close friends

However - you are thinking about the woman you shared a house with when you were young and you give her credit for trying to save the relationship - ah - I don't think it's actually the case because she was so cutting when you had a boy friend - and why?

So many times I have written that people want us to stay the way we were and for various reasons and circumstances life does change and in the process of growing older we start to make friends with members of the opposite sex and alas - sometimes our girl friends get jealous - alas - this is true - they are trying to keep life from moving forward and it will

She really did have the wrong end of the whole argument - she thought you would choose her over your boy friend and had she kept her tongue quiet things would have changed and the boy friend thing would have passed and girls are usually always there when men come and go

But you had to withdraw to protect yourself - and so would I and any woman with self-respect - and I congratualate you for having that good sense to protect yourself. You had to move on and you did

You are sorry about that lost friend and you are lonely - I do understand that but in reality I do believe it's better to be alone than to be in any kind of toxic relationship.

Sometimes I regret the women I have lost through time - and even my ex-bf - even my ex-h - but with all of them except those I left behind because of distance I know all of them wanted me to be something I wasn't and for some reason I couldn't be different for them - for anyone - even before I thought about it

But good on you for walking away from someone trying to control you

Dec

Hi @Ant7

Thanks for the feedback - that is always something positive and a good thing to start the day with

It has taken years to get so much insight - worth living this long and having had so many experiences - some of which I would rather not have gone through but seeing as I did - it is worthwhile being able to share what I have learned

All the best with your psychologist - the Grief Plan thing you have been through has been tough and I don't think you got much feedback yourself - so let's really hope that it goes well with the psychologist - I have had good experience with them - I hope I can pass this good fortune onto you

Dec

Good luck with the psychologist @Ant7. Please write and let us know how it goes. I have a feeling that you will get a lot out of it. I remember it as a really good opportunity to get things off my chest in a safe way. It's a good feeling to have someone listen to you.

Thanks @Owlunar. I know I am better off alone than in bad company- in fact, I often say exactly that to people who are struggling in relationships.

I seem to have the uncanny ability of attracting people into my life who are no good for me! I really do think it's all to do with my Mum.... because the mother/child relationship is the first (and most important) emotionally intimate relationship we have.

I think I learnt from my Mum that relationships and caring deeply for others is very hard work and fraught with obstacles and misunderstandings. I learnt that a person can be nice to you one minute and then turn on you in the next instance and that this is normal and you have to accept it.

Hence, I tend to become attached easily and focus too much on what the other person wants form me. Eventually, it all becomes too much and I run away and lick my wounds.