I dont know what to do next

Hi @Ant7

I'm sorry things have taken a bad turn - and that you are struggling - having bad thoughts etc - this is not at all good and I hope you do find that things go well tomorrow and that it will help

Thinking of you

Dec

sorry this got posted twice!

Hi @Ant7 - I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling. This is not good at all. "Having bad thoughts" is a part of being depressed- it happens to the best of us.

Try to see bad thoughts for what they are - they are just thoughts. Even though they are painful, they cannot really hurt you. Try to do something that you know you will enjoy to distract yourself.

Where are you? If you are at work, you can always go home on sick leave for the afternoon. Just tell them that you have a migraine and you feel dizzy or something like that. (Small white lies but perfectly ok, given the situation.)

If you need to, you can always ring Lifeline and speak to someone right now. Sometimes it is good to hear a reassuring voice. It can really help.

Please let us know you are ok.

Crying is natural and sometimes it can be a very good release. You might have a lot of tears that have built up that you have been reluctant to shed. There is nothing wrong with crying.

Hi @Sahara

Life can have some very tricky turns and maybe the relationship between you and your mother has something to do with presentation - but I think that life's lesson focus on taking it easy with new people because you are right - sometimes people can be really nice but turn on you - and as normal as that can be in some situations - it's not at all nice - in fact - really nasty

So how do we protect ourselves? That is the question - and what is the answer

EErrrr - this computer will turn me off and I will lose what I have written if I keep staring out of the window and thinking - but what took me so long to think about was this

I have stopped looking for deep relationships - and even with my daughter I don't say a lot of what I think about - I get along with people in my life without asking much - I don't know if this helps but it might

It's so long ago now - I can hardly believe it's so long ago - but I was at a birthday party at a bistro and when I was at the salad bar a guy started to talk to me and I couldn't brush him off - fast forward a week and it turned out he thought I was his girl-friend - fast forward again - he thought I was the antzpantz but it turned out that his was indeed and old bachelor

So - the montage was an on-again-on-again-off-again series of events that lasted 9 years believe it or not - and now so much later this guy did want me in his life but only at his convenience and this didn't work but girls - don't we all know it - when we fall for a guy this means it can be tough getting him out of our lives

So Sahara - maybe this is true - we can enjoy people but that is a works-in-progess and maybe you are where I was with this guy so long ago now - and we all have to learn and work through this - I have had few deep relationships - now I settle for the surface of life so much it has become normal

I have to leave it around here because this computer is going to close off - don't worry too much - the people you find here can fill the space - but in the world - people are after something more and I understand this and know it's painful

Dec

@Sahara & @Owlunar Thankyou for your kind words. I think I am ok now still just a little bit down but better than this morning. This is hard to say I have being having thoughts like that it would be better if i was not hear and such I can control them normaly but the last few days they have been really bad and things came to a head this morning. My son and daughter had a fight long story but that was just the tipping point. I have had a chat and they are better now. I draged myself out for a mountain bike ride and I think that helped thanks for your consern

I am glad that you are seeing a psychologist tomorrow, @Ant7. It's also good that you were able to go for a bike ride to distract yourself. I glad you are feeling a bit better.

Believe me, the world is so much better with people like yourself in it- people who are sensitive and who really care about others. When you think otherwise - then this is just the depression talking. Depression pays little tricks on us.... it sends our minds haywire.

Just try and say to yourself "these are bad thoughts" - because they are only thoughts and not really you.

What do you have palnned for tonight?

@Sahara Thanks mountain biking is really good because you need to concerntrate on where you are going or you eat dirt. My thoughts have been really bad for the last few days more frequent than normal. I have been telling myself to snap out of it and I try to look at the good things but it just hasent been working

@Ant7, when we are depressed our brains function differently than what they should. It can be very difficult to break the repetative cycle of negative thoughts... you are not alone in this. It happened to me too. My thinking became very distorted and I couldn't see any good in anything. This is what happens to a depressed brain, unfortunately.

Would you like to go to the doctor this afternoon? It would give you someone to talk to. It's always a good idea to seek help @Ant7

@Sahara Thanks again I will be ok I can see what you are talking about it dosent take much to push me at the moment so that is just a bit hard to deal with but I will be ok I just have to keep telling myself this. Thank you so much for your support it would be so much harder without you thankyou thankyou thankyou you are an angel

@Ant7, I am no angel!! lol

I hope you will be ok tonight- are your family home tonight? What do you have planned? We are going to watch The Bachelor on tv- always good for a laugh. A guilty pleasure.

Feel free to write about your feelings if it helps. You are not alone @Ant7.