I dont know what to do next

give your wife some time and maybe show her some imformation on depression so she can have a better understand of what is going on. also maybe book a gp appointment and take our wife with you then the doctor can explain depression and all that stuff.

Hello @Ant7

That sounds terribly hard, you are trying so hard to reach out, which is not easy when you are feeling that way. @Eden1919 has some great advice about taking your wife to the GP so she can try to understand better what you are going through.

When you said it was not received well, what happened in that, how did she react to you opening up about that? Sometimes there are things brough up within other people when you talk about these types of things, loved ones can feel especially concerned or worried which can be expressed in a way that is not helpful for the person when they have just shared their vulnerabilities.

I am sorry you received a response that was not what you needed/wanted that sound very invalidating.

Lunar

@Former-Member I started telling her I was feeling down and that I had been that way for a while. My wife said your ok to many people say they are depressed when they are just a bit blue to many people are just overeacting. She then changed the subject. I really wanted her to know how I was feeling

Hi @Ant7,

I can understand what happened to you, as it happened to me too. The average person just doesn't understand what a serious problem depression can be. I often think this is because a depressed person can look and act normal - we are not necessarily all sitting in a corner with tears running down our faces 24/7 (although some of us are.)

When I became depressed, I was still working full-time, still doing the housework and still socializing to some extent. I was able to smile and hold a normal conversation. However, I felt terrible and when I was alone I would descend into panic, feel terrified for no reason, sleep a lot, feel anxious and have racing, bizarre thoughts. Not pleasant at all!

Because my partner could not see inside my head, he thought that there was nothing wrong with me and that I was just trying to get his attention by saying I was unwell. He would discourage me from seeing the doctor and taking medication.

However, I knew I was unwell and I sought treatment. For most of my illness, I was actually too sick and exhausted to try and draw my partner closer and explain everything that was going on. Plus, I just gave up on him, anyway. Maybe I was secretly looking for a way out of a troubled, dysfunctional relationship?

@Ant7, it would be a good idea to take your wife along with you to a doctor's appointment so that she can see that the doctor takes your illness seriously and does not say things like "you are only a little blue." That way, your wife can ask questions, too.

You could also get some pamphlets about depression for her to read, or even borrow a few books on depression from the library for her to look through. Many libraries also have DVD's about mental illness that you could watch together.

If you go to a psychologist, you can ask the therapist if he/she can do a joint session with both you and your wife to assist you to communicate around this issue.

If she still does not want to acknowledge the problem, it may be her way of coping. Some people just shut down and can't accept challenges like this. Don't push her. Just continue on getting treatment and continue to do all the things your doctor advises.

@Ant7,

if you still appear the same on the outside, the majority of people may have some trouble accepting that you have depression. This is what I found.

I remember that I even recieved an email form my ex-partner's Mum at one point and she said, "How could you have had depression? We didn't know. You were always smiling when we saw you."

Smiling in social situations was actually not that difficult for me, even though I was quite sick. But it shows that people with no experience of depression expect something different from us. And I think it shows that even though I left my ex, he was possibly still telling people that I made up a story about being depressed! I didn't care what he did by then, anyway.

@Ant7, I don't think you should delay seeing your doctor. Perhaps if you tell the doctor that you are having fiancial difficulties, then they will bulk-bill you? A lot of doctors will do that for you, rather than lose a patient. You could even ask the receptionist about this, when you book an appointment.

Has it already been a year without any treatment for you? It's a long time to put up with depression. If you get your doctor to put you on a 'mental health care plan', you can see a psychologist and the cost is covered by Medicare. It may help you to talk to someone who is very familiar with depression. They have heard it all before, beleive me. It can be a relief to get things off your chest.

Yes, @Ant7, I think I know that feeling... small things get you down and you dwell on them. This is perhaps a sign of being depressed. My psychiatrist told me "depression = repetative negative thoughts." It sounds so simple when put like that. But it can be very painful.

@Ant7, sometimes there are no real reasons for getting depressed... it can be a genetic condition... you may have been kind of destined to get depressed at some point, due to the genes you have inherited. But I think, in most cases there are underlying reasons in you life for your depression... even though they aren't obvious.

I am no expert; I am just going by my own experiences and what I was told by my psychiatrist. There are probably hundreds of different theories out there as to why depression happens. No-one knows for sure. Most doctors will say that depression is caused by a combination of genetics and life circumstances.

A lot of people will tell you that "changes in brain chemistry" will cause depression. But why do the chemicals go and change? Does prolonged sadness or even prolonged discontent cause these chemicals to change? Or do they change by themselves for no apparent reason?

When I got depressed I was very discontented with my life. Even so, it took years of living with mild unhappiness before I descended into full-blown depression - which I think shows how resilient the human brain is. However, I did suffer from anxiety and panic attacks as a child (and possibly depression) which all went undiagnosed and untreated.

Are there things in your life you would like to change @Ant7?