I dont know what to do next

You have a few weeks before your psychologist appointment @Ant7. There might be a time when you feel comfortable talking to your wife about it again. See how you go. There is no urgent need to tell her- only if you feel like it. Even if she doesn't say much or appear not to accept that you are depressed, you can still keep all your appointments and continue doing the things you have to do in order to get better.

The psychologist may also have some tips about what to say to your wife.

@Sahara yeah a few weeks but it should be ok give me time to process it. I feel good that I have taken the first step I just hope nothing bad happens between now and then. The last 6 weeks have been hard

I hope nothing bad happens.... try not to think that it might... you have had your fair share of sadness, it seems. @Ant7.

Feel free to write about stuff... sometimes it's good to get stuff off your chest just by writing. Sometimes I write in my diary when I can't sleep and I straight away feel better because I have done something, even though it is something small.... just writing stuff down, so I can read over it and look at it. For some reason this makes me feel better.

That is really hard @Ant7. Your wife will be very concerned and preoccupied with her sister. Just let her know you are there and are willing to help out. You can only do what you are able to do. You are only human.... remember that.

Physical illnesses always turn our lives upside down. Just now I learnt that my cousin is really sick - he has had cancer for some time - I have to ring his sister tomorrow and say all the right things. I don't know what to say... it is difficult .... but now his time may be up. He is only in his 50's. I feel it is too young to go. He is such a good man.

Sorry to be writing about such things when you are stressed too!

Hi @Ant7,

as long as you are there and you are trying to help, then I think you are doing the right thing. The worst thing (for me, anyway) is when people withdraw and we feel alone with our worries. It's so good to have loved ones around us, supporting us, even if they don't know the exact right thing to say. It's good to know that they will always try to comfort us, no matter what happens.

You can offer to drive your wife to the hospital to see her sister or to drive her over to her parent's place. You can offer to do a few things around the house to lighten the load on her. You can make her a cup of tea and rub her shoulders. Sometimes it's the little practical things that really help.

Also you might like to tell her that you find it hard to say the right words in difficult situations. I think this would mean a lot. It shows that you are thinking of her and wanting to say something comforting.

It's hard when you feel pressure to be "strong". What does it really mean to be "strong" anyway? Sometimes, I think being strong could mean that you are strong enough to let people see your soft, emotional side. Strength can be in honestly opening up and saying that you are lost for words but you are there to help.

Strength may not be what some people believe it to be.... always being in control, always knowing exactly what to do and say. Strength for me, is admitting that you are human and that you don't have all the answers.

Yes, @Ant7, it is very Ok for you to tell me about the year that you have had. Please feel free to share.

I am doing alright with my cold, and thanks for asking. I worked a long day yesterday (a very physical job!) and survived it by taking cold and flu tablets. It was a good day- I had a lot of laughs with my co-workers and felt pleased with myself for working through my cold.

Very happy to have a day off today.