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Ah, 10 years ago my husband had a brief 'affair'... I stayed, we worked things out - it took time and help but we got there. Early this year he did it again, I didn't know. Then at Easter he tried to commit suicide and I didn't know. It all came to a head while I was away in June - was asked to come home from my trip as he was unwell. It was only when I got back that it all came out. Into hospital he went with severe depression (the worst I've ever seen him). He was diagnosed with type 1 bipolar disorder - oh of course I can see it now... The ups and downs, the rollercoaster as I used to call it. What I would like to know is... Once he is successfully medicated - what are the chances of him being manic again and sleep with someone (or that matter so depressed that he tries to end his life)?
Asking for self preservation really, I don't think I could take that kind of betrayal again, not for a third time.. I'd rather go now so I don't leave myself open to more pain, I'm too old and tired.
I really don't think I really understood how debilitating it is, went out today for only 1 hour, and had to take my husband back to the hospital as he wasn't coping. This is all new, I don't think I really realised how bad it all was. One day at a time seems to be the key at the moment, I really don't think I appreciated the struggles of others when you are consumed by your own. How brave are the carers who support, encourage and provide emotional support to those who struggle with simply living 🙏
In response to: Infidelity and bipolar
KreagorSenior Contributor
Re: Infidelity and bipolar
@Rae It's difficult, I was a nurse I thought I had it covered, but I was an acute care nurse and most of my patients were unconscious... So don't have it covered! What I do find most difficult is not taking complete charge of the situation, to be prescriptive. It's their journey (yes, mine too) but only they can walk the road I can't do it for him (as much as I would like to). And yes carers are great (I don't consider myself to be one - I prefer terms such as advocate or facilitator - I also know that if Mr K had to do it on his own, he could). I do admire the strength of carers - always makes me think of that old song lol - he ain't heavy. I hope things go well for you and your husband, it's small steps and sometimes two steps forwards and one step back.
In response to: Infidelity and bipolar
RaeContributor
Re: Infidelity and bipolar
Thank you, I feel like reading others journeys has made me begin to have a better understanding, but so "tip of the iceberg". My husband will forever be my best friend.. I will always be there for him no matter the outcome. I agree "carer" is an interesting term, it feels weird and wrong, I am his life partner in this journey, for every step forward or back we take, we take it togeather. Thank you 😊🤗
In response to: Infidelity and bipolar
Unknown userMember
Re: Infidelity and bipolar
@Rae
The situations each of us carers find ourselves in are quite different as symptoms play out differently. What we do share is partners or loved ones with serious psychiatric diagnoses and we share many similar feelings such as helplessness, feeling overwhelmed, unappreciated and more.
Educating ourselves about the disorder and getting some carer support is vital. I went to a carer education snapshot class at Wellways, it was do helpful, applied the CHIME recovery method to carers https://www.scottishrecovery.net/chime-diagram/
I use the term "carer" for Mr Darcy's medical side of things as (with his consent) there are obligations that the public system has in relation to carers in relation to the giving of information. When things go into crisis as his enduring guardian I might be called upon to make decisions about his treatment so it is imperative I understand. Mr Darcy has been deemed to have lost capacity on a couple of occasions and has been the subject of a treatment order twice.
Darcy
In response to: Infidelity and bipolar
Chris3Contributor
Re: Infidelity and bipolar
Totally relate, to me not so much the infidelity that hurts... It is all the BS that comes with it, the lost trust.... the lost love. I often feel like I will suffer from Stockholm syndrome... To have such power over another ... I will turn you into me
In response to: Infidelity and bipolar
RaeContributor
Re: Infidelity and bipolar
It breaks your soul 🙁 I think getting away is easily said than done. When you have surrendered all, the only thing to do is try to find yourself again. One day at a time... I know I have the strength to rebuild. 😊 We all do... it is difficult but I believe I can get there.. we all have the power and strength we just need to find our way through the darkness
In response to: Infidelity and bipolar
Unknown userMember
Re: Infidelity and bipolar
Hey @Kreagor Checking in to see how you are going. Darcy
In response to: Infidelity and bipolar
KreagorSenior Contributor
Re: Infidelity and bipolar
Hi Darcy I'm ok, Mr Kreagor having denervation tomorrow, just one side, they'll schedule the next soon. He is talking about returning to study - which would be great. But then it hit me, can I trust him to go? Can I trust him... No, I can't... I know it's stupid, everyday I know where he is - do I? This is tough - more time needed. He's so good at keeping things hidden... When he's manic - but then he's good at hiding that too. Early days - I'm ok though. How are you?
In response to: Infidelity and bipolar
Unknown userMember
Re: Infidelity and bipolar
It is tough @Kreagor
Is Mr K amenable to doing a mood chart? Has been helpful with us.
I probably concern myself more about depression as Mr D has had more trouble with that and noticed that normal emotions such as a bit of sadness had me worried he was on a downward spiral, but he has been marking steady on his chart, a bit down at the minute as in a lot of pain and is due for surgery as a result of a complication from an attempt injury (was due to happen next week but delayed as surgeon wants to discuss further with colleagues). As far as his mood goes he is in many ways coping heaps better, time will tell if my gut feeling is right but am hoping he will lift post surgery one pain relief occurs (assuming all goes well).
As I have learned and am starting to practice self care I am finding I am getting better at responding in a healthier way for both of us.
If mood steady, study might be a good thing to give Mr K something to do and keep his mind occupied.
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