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Infidelity and bipolar

KreagorSenior Contributor13 July 2017, 12:45 pm AEST

Infidelity and bipolar

Ah, 10 years ago my husband had a brief 'affair'... I stayed, we worked things out - it took time and help but we got there. Early this year he did it again, I didn't know. Then at Easter he tried to commit suicide and I didn't know. It all came to a head while I was away in June - was asked to come home from my trip as he was unwell. It was only when I got back that it all came out. Into hospital he went with severe depression (the worst I've ever seen him).
He was diagnosed with type 1 bipolar disorder - oh of course I can see it now... The ups and downs, the rollercoaster as I used to call it.
What I would like to know is... Once he is successfully medicated - what are the chances of him being manic again and sleep with someone (or that matter so depressed that he tries to end his life)?

Asking for self preservation really, I don't think I could take that kind of betrayal again, not for a third time.. I'd rather go now so I don't leave myself open to more pain, I'm too old and tired.

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In response to: Infidelity and bipolar

Unknown userMember15 July 2017, 1:10 am AEST

Re: Infidelity and bipolar

Hi @Kreagor

The short answer to your question of if your husband is successfully medicated will he relapse is that there are no guarantees.

I quote from: http://natashatracy.com/mental-illness-issues/bipolar-disorder-intimate-relationships/

Do you think a happy and healthy relationships is possible when one person has bipolar disorder?

The short answer is yes.

The longer answer is; it depends on the underlying character of the individuals involved as well as their level of commitment. Nobody gets a pass here, both parties must bring their best selves to the relationship. The one diagnosed must be motivated and treatment oriented. The significant other must have understanding, patience and a great capacity to forgive. Most importantly, they need to know what they’re dealing with. Episodes of mood instability can be overwhelming not just for the one diagnosed, but for the loved-ones as well. It’s important to have support and outlets. A mentally ill person need not beget a mentally ill relationship.

http://www.bphope.com/blog/why-my-spouse-doesnt-resent-me-for-being-bipolar/

http://www.bipolar-lives.com/bipolar-spouse.html

In response to: Infidelity and bipolar

Unknown userMember15 July 2017, 1:22 am AEST

Re: Infidelity and bipolar

@Kreagor

I have put a couple of links that talk about BP relationships. My husband has BPii, as far as I know has not cheated, does not self medicate, but has attempted. He had psychotic depression (BPii have more depression and less mania)

These to me are crucial points:

Finding the right meds might take some time.
Being committed to treatment is crucial (ie hubby staying on meds), it is a relationship boundary for me. (Boundaries are rules that protect your heart)
Educate yourself about BP
Get support for yourself
-Sane
-Carers Australia
-Wellways
-suicide support line

Darcy

In response to: Infidelity and bipolar

KreagorSenior Contributor15 July 2017, 7:56 am AEST

Re: Infidelity and bipolar

Thank you for reply - I will continue to read and learn.

In response to: Re: Infidelity and bipolar

Unknown userMember15 July 2017, 8:46 am AEST

Re: Infidelity and bipolar

Hello @Kreagor

that would have been soul destroying discovering his infidelity.

hard also for you to bring yourself to ask a question on any site. You might have even felt that on a mental illness site you would be understood. Rightly so because if you can't be yourself on here where else.

Plese know that each person who responds is either a carer of someone with a mental illness, a person with a mental illness or someone who fits into both categories like myself.

your situation happened to a friend of mine and sadly he did it again.

the act of infidelity has nothing to do with any diagnosis of mental illness.

I think that you are very courageous asking questions on these forums which are here to help every single human being regardless of their health status.

you have actually brought up an intelligent question and perhaps argument for some people.

society as a whole has little understanding of mental illness and automatically assumes that any shortcomings in behaviour signal mental health. Even more that someone who has a mental health problem must be responsible for any unacceptable behaviour.

Sorry to go off track. I just hope that the answers not only help you, but also others.

whatever the outcome of this situation please know and hold onto the fact that his being unfaithful is about him not you.

take care

In response to: Infidelity and bipolar

Unknown userMember16 July 2017, 8:27 am AEST

Re: Infidelity and bipolar

@Kreagor

http://www.bphope.com is a website that helps me.

This is one article on impulse control on that site.

http://www.bphope.com/blog/impulse-control-and-bipolar-disorder/

In response to: Infidelity and bipolar

KreagorSenior Contributor16 July 2017, 9:39 am AEST

Re: Infidelity and bipolar

Thanks Darcy, my husband is attending sessions (I go to some of the psych ones). He is committed to the process - even though it is confronting for him, to become mindful of his condition and take the medication (might have stop the lithium depending on how his kidneys go). He is showing genuine remorse (we are none of us perfect individuals) - to move forward I think with boundaries adhered to, we might get there.
Thanks for the useful links, I try to stay away from 'Dr Google'. Time will tell I suppose and he is so much more than bi polar.

In response to: Infidelity and bipolar

Unknown userMember03 Aug 2017, 8:00 am AEST

Re: Infidelity and bipolar

@Kreagor

How are you going? Recovering from Mr Darcy's acute episode and suicide attempt 18 months ago has been a long slow process for us. I have found it is a process that cannot be rushed - I am still delaying any major decision making. Patience is required.

There is certainly a lot of grief both for the patient as well as for the carer.

Yes, our loved ones are so much more than their BP and some days hanging on to this is the only thing that will get us through.

Having a sense of humour has helped greatly too....

In response to: Re: Infidelity and bipolar

KreagorSenior Contributor03 Aug 2017, 1:47 pm AEST

Re: Infidelity and bipolar

Thanks Darcy
Yes a sense of humour is necessary - things are getting on slowly. I'm finding it difficult at times when I hear/see a trigger that brings it fresh into my mind. But I dare say these will lessen over time - I'm going to stay positive. On a good note, his kidneys have settled down with H2O and lithium adjustment which bodes well.
My biggest decision I think I make at the moment is to what to have for dinner 🙂

In response to: Infidelity and bipolar

Unknown userMember03 Aug 2017, 3:53 pm AEST

Re: Infidelity and bipolar

Take care @Kreagor and be gentle on yourself. It does hurt, lots.

Great to hear things have settled with the meds.

The way to 'tag' anyone is to put a @ in front of their name ie @Former-Member, happy for you to tag me if you need a shoulder.

D

In response to: Infidelity and bipolar

Unknown userMember16 Sept 2017, 10:22 am AEST

Re: Infidelity and bipolar

Hi @Kreagor
Checking in to see how you are going.
Darcy

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