When everything starts crashing.

Do you ever feel like your standing infront of your self watching your world crash?

Do you feel like you are losing control but know you can't stop it and just have to let it happen?

That's how I'm feeling. I feel like I have no control and I can see everything in slow motion falling apart but I can't do anything about it.

I'm trying to keep busy and going but it's just making me manic and hardcore panic attacks and as soon as I stop I start to cry and think what's the point of life.

I reached out to friends but they don't care. They all have children and jobs now and I understand they are busy but be nice if they came over and just gave me a hug and we watch trash tv and eat cake.

My husband just keeps going ok ok ok ok ok ok ok I understand. But how can he really understand. I just don't feel supported by him. I keep telling him I'm breaking I need to slow down but he's like you will be fine.

I know I'm breaking and it's going to be a mess. And I hate I can't stop it.

I tried a new drug today. I'm scared of medication as I hate being dependent on it. I tried a quarter of what the doctor wanted me to take. I felt like I had 5 shots of Tequila and a relaxent all in one. My hands started to fly in the sky and my panic levels went crazy. So I was like no just think you have had a drink and that calmed me down but I can still feel it playing in my mind.

I feel like I can't live a functional life with out medication. I try so hard and I'm sussceding in so much of it but it's burning me out and I know this fall that's about to happen is going to set me far back. Life on pills just makes me feel dumb and slow and what type of life is that.

I'm just starting to think what type of life am I going to have?

I read an article on people with deppresion and it's like of nothing makes you happy including medication and therapy you should just live for others. That upset me so much. It's like you got no hope so help others you empty person.

This week to 5 of my friends have moved to Europe and 3 announced their pregnancy and I'm just like look at everyone moving forawd and I'm stuck and frozen. I'm trapped.