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Something’s not right

When everything starts crashing.

Unknown userMember

When everything starts crashing.

Do you ever feel like your standing infront of your self watching your world crash?

Do you feel like you are losing control but know you can't stop it and just have to let it happen?

That's how I'm feeling. I feel like I have no control and I can see everything in slow motion falling apart but I can't do anything about it.

I'm trying to keep busy and going but it's just making me manic and hardcore panic attacks and as soon as I stop I start to cry and think what's the point of life.

I reached out to friends but they don't care. They all have children and jobs now and I understand they are busy but be nice if they came over and just gave me a hug and we watch trash tv and eat cake.

My husband just keeps going ok ok ok ok ok ok ok I understand. But how can he really understand. I just don't feel supported by him. I keep telling him I'm breaking I need to slow down but he's like you will be fine.

I know I'm breaking and it's going to be a mess. And I hate I can't stop it.

I tried a new drug today. I'm scared of medication as I hate being dependent on it. I tried a quarter of what the doctor wanted me to take. I felt like I had 5 shots of Tequila and a relaxent all in one. My hands started to fly in the sky and my panic levels went crazy. So I was like no just think you have had a drink and that calmed me down but I can still feel it playing in my mind.

I feel like I can't live a functional life with out medication. I try so hard and I'm sussceding in so much of it but it's burning me out and I know this fall that's about to happen is going to set me far back. Life on pills just makes me feel dumb and slow and what type of life is that.

I'm just starting to think what type of life am I going to have?

I read an article on people with deppresion and it's like of nothing makes you happy including medication and therapy you should just live for others. That upset me so much. It's like you got no hope so help others you empty person.

This week to 5 of my friends have moved to Europe and 3 announced their pregnancy and I'm just like look at everyone moving forawd and I'm stuck and frozen. I'm trapped.

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In response to: When everything starts crashing.

Unknown userMember

Re: When everything starts crashing.

After a few days of sick I'm back at work. All I can think is what's the point? I feel like rubbish. The meds are mucking me around and I feel beyond flat. Everyone is mad at me calling in sick as I don't look sick like I had a cold. I can't explain to them yo I have bipolar and I'm on a new med that makes me drunk high,

I just feel like I'm never going to win at anything I try.

In response to: Re: When everything starts crashing.

Unknown userMember

Re: When everything starts crashing.

Geez @Former-Member it sounds like its coming at you from all directions right now! You’re feeling so flat anyway, and now having to monitor how you absorb and react to this brand new med. Now you’ve faced up at work during such a huge change in your treatment and you feel you can’t even be honest with those around you ☹

So how is the adjustment to your new meds going 2 days on? Have you been brave and started on the prescribed dosage? I hope so, but I understand it can be scary if you don’t like drugs. I find it interesting that you were able to calm yourself down by comparing it to something else you’ve had before. Even though alcohol and your med are both drugs, just different types!

Good on you for returning to work and trying to get back to the routine. I’m sure it feels anything BUT routine right now, but after the big med change, and seeing people around you also having big changes in their lives I think you are doing as best you can 😊 Little daily goals right now?

In response to: When everything starts crashing.

Unknown userMember

Re: When everything starts crashing.

@Former-Member I literally feel like I'm drowning and every tool to save me from drowning is out of reach or hard to hold on to.

Yea sucks I can't explain myself at work. The big bosses know but my friends and other staff have zero clue except I get anxiety attacks but that seems to be the cool mental illness and everyone has it.

I'm not adjusting at all. I feel so drunk and go from high energy to sleeping. It's giving me massive headaches and tummy pain. I feel like I can't see clear or focous. I'm not talking it tonight. My husbands like have a night off and just relax. I'll see my doctor tomorrow and see if this is normal. I'm taking the prescribed amount. But when I showed the pharmacist she's like why you going off this one and onto this? I'm like it's makes me a zombie and she's like this one dose to. I'll talk to my doctor about it because when I got sick early this year and went to hospital the doctor is like why are you on this it's a horrible drug. (The one im now using as a sleeping pill)

I expect it to feel weird trying a new medication but I want to be able to function on it. I don't think it should knock me out this bad.

I need to compare it to something I've felt before. If it feels like something I know it's not as scary.

Oh it was a horrible day at work. Staff giving me attitude. To mental break downs in the toilet. Gave into self harm and painkillers. But I'm slightly happy as everyone in my section left at close but I stayed back to fix certain things and make it better for the staff tomorrow.

No I got no goals at the moment. I feel so broken that I don't feel i can achieve anything. So I'm not setting myself up for any type of failure. I'm just living.

In response to: Re: When everything starts crashing.

NikNikSenior Contributor

Re: When everything starts crashing.

Hi @Former-Member
How did your appointment go today?

In response to: When everything starts crashing.

Unknown userMember

Re: When everything starts crashing.

@NikNik I just cried and asked how do people with bipolar live?

Like do I need to take time of from life till I'm fully medicated on something that agrees on me or is work not in the big picture for me. He then told me he had a friend in uni who got diganoused with bipolar in uni and is now very high up in the medical world and that she did have to have like a year off but is now very functional so that gave me hope.

We also talked why nothing aggress with me so far and he's like we just don't know. Everyone is different but there are options.

Then I cried again and said I'm sinking. I didn't go into self harming or anything because I'm like well there ain't no miricale pull to stop me doing it.

He now wants me to see a psychiatrist again. So I'm going to see a new person and hopefully they can help me understand why I am me and all my billions of thoughts and get a treatment that agrees with me as he told me to stop the new stuff.

In response to: Re: When everything starts crashing.

mufasaSenior Contributor

Re: When everything starts crashing.

Hi @Former-Member

Just wanted to jump in and say well done for perservering and seeking out help with a psychiatrist. It's exhausting and incredibly frustrating to have trialed so many different treatments and to feel like nothing is improving. So it's great to see that you are still trying your best despite so many setbacks.

I truly hope you are able to find a treatment that is unique to you! You're doing an incredible job given the circumstances!

In response to: When everything starts crashing.

Unknown userMember

Re: When everything starts crashing.

I don't feel like I'm doing a good job. I feel like I'm in a paddle boat and lost ones of my paddles and going around in the circles. The harder I paddle the more dizzy I get.

In response to: Re: When everything starts crashing.

NikNikSenior Contributor

Re: When everything starts crashing.

I agree with @mufasa - it's great that you're persevering. It's tough, but it will be worth it.
It sounds like you have the wheels in motion. I hope the next appointment with the new psychiatrist goes well. Keep us updated.

In response to: When everything starts crashing.

Unknown userMember

Re: When everything starts crashing.

I hope the next appointment goes well to. I not in the mood for going backwards.

In response to: When everything starts crashing.

Unknown userMember

Re: When everything starts crashing.

I wish the best with your next appointment @Former-Member
Hopefully the medication starts working - with not as many side effects - for you. It can be very difficult adjusting to medications at first. It can also be very frustrating that you have to wait 4-6 weeks just to see whether or not it is effective!

I know what it is like to feel unsupported. But - I hope you feel some type of support here on the forums.

I don't know if you have found it already - but there is also a thread on here called "EVERYTHING CATS". Thought you might be interested due to your username. 😊 Hope to see you around the forums
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.

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