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Something’s not right

When everything starts crashing.

When everything starts crashing.

Do you ever feel like your standing infront of your self watching your world crash?

Do you feel like you are losing control but know you can't stop it and just have to let it happen?

That's how I'm feeling. I feel like I have no control and I can see everything in slow motion falling apart but I can't do anything about it.

I'm trying to keep busy and going but it's just making me manic and hardcore panic attacks and as soon as I stop I start to cry and think what's the point of life.

I reached out to friends but they don't care. They all have children and jobs now and I understand they are busy but be nice if they came over and just gave me a hug and we watch trash tv and eat cake.

My husband just keeps going ok ok ok ok ok ok ok I understand. But how can he really understand. I just don't feel supported by him. I keep telling him I'm breaking I need to slow down but he's like you will be fine.

I know I'm breaking and it's going to be a mess. And I hate I can't stop it.

I tried a new drug today. I'm scared of medication as I hate being dependent on it. I tried a quarter of what the doctor wanted me to take. I felt like I had 5 shots of Tequila and a relaxent all in one. My hands started to fly in the sky and my panic levels went crazy. So I was like no just think you have had a drink and that calmed me down but I can still feel it playing in my mind.

I feel like I can't live a functional life with out medication. I try so hard and I'm sussceding in so much of it but it's burning me out and I know this fall that's about to happen is going to set me far back. Life on pills just makes me feel dumb and slow and what type of life is that.

I'm just starting to think what type of life am I going to have?

I read an article on people with deppresion and it's like of nothing makes you happy including medication and therapy you should just live for others. That upset me so much. It's like you got no hope so help others you empty person.

This week to 5 of my friends have moved to Europe and 3 announced their pregnancy and I'm just like look at everyone moving forawd and I'm stuck and frozen. I'm trapped.

112 replies

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In response to: When everything starts crashing.

Re: When everything starts crashing.

Hi @Former-Member & @utopia

I am so scared of airports. Flying omg it's the worst. Sometimes I can get on the plane and other times I can't. Something that's getting worse and I hate it.

I'm excited to see snow as I've never seen it before. I'm excited to eating lots of yummy food. Most of my holidays are visiting the family and its go go go go go then scream. But this holiday I'm like it's going to be relaxing and peaceful. Lots of nature walks and exploring. We are not even going to call or txt people. Just be us two. A second honey moon.

I'm just scared of stopping. I'm on my no sleeping go go go cycle the last few weeks. I'm working non stop and only getting a day off work a week and I'll be like this till the day before I leave. I'm thinking of taking two days more off before I leave so I can slow down in my house.

I'm scared of being some where new. I'm scared of traveling. My aniexty levels are just going through the roof.

In response to: When everything starts crashing.

Re: When everything starts crashing.

@Former-Member. Your gp should be able to give you something - some med - to help with the increased anxiety of getting on a plane. Maybe start taking it the day before you leave.
Having a few extra days off work to unwind before this holiday starts, sounds like a great idea.
The snow. Bush walks in the mountains. Sounds beautiful. I can smell the Myrtle and Eucalypt already.
Maybe you could do a visualization of your holiday destination. Create it in your mind as much as you can. Do you have or can you get pictures of your room your accommodation, the area you will be staying in? Picturing you and your partner there, may reduce that anxiety.

In response to: When everything starts crashing.

Re: When everything starts crashing.

@utopia the doctor has given me tablets before for flying and I take them a day before leaving and on the plane I take them and two double shot vodkas and I'm still breathing into a paper plane. Sometimes my anxiety is so bad it's just like I'm taking tictacs. Im going to see if I can get something stronger.

So excited to climb the mountains. I'm an over planer. To the point I know what places we are eating at and what I'm ordering. I got pics of all the places I'm going. I'm picturing myself there relaxing and happy.

In response to: When everything starts crashing.

Re: When everything starts crashing.

I'm glad you can picture the both of you there @Former-Member

In response to: When everything starts crashing.

Re: When everything starts crashing.

So my anxiety levels have hit a new high. I'm so scared about my holiday I start crying in fear. I know I'm going to be safe and I will be amazing but the anxiety starts and nothing can stop it. So my holiday has been canceled. This is the 3rd holiday canceled due to anxiety. I don't know how my husband dose it. My illness is literally affecting everything in his life. And he's being great about it. Amazing. And I'm just getting more and more depressed and hating myself. My life is crap why dose he's need to be crap?

In response to: When everything starts crashing.

Re: When everything starts crashing.

I literally feel like I can't breath. Massive panic attack. I'm having those horrible feelings of trapment. I feel overwhelmed. I feel like I'm going to freak out. At work today I felt so stressed out I started acting slow and kind of off my face. I just couldn't concentrate. I'm not sleeping at the moment. My sleeping pills just stopped working or I'm so stressed they don't work. I just can see my self about to snap and I don't want to. I'm scared.

In response to: Re: When everything starts crashing.

Re: When everything starts crashing.

Hi @Former-Member,

What sorts of things usually work for you when you're feeling like this?

Regards,
Bookworm

In response to: When everything starts crashing.

Re: When everything starts crashing.

Generally Tequila and having a few days off work and just relaxing. Slowing myself down. But sadly that's not an option. I have to keep pushing.

In response to: When everything starts crashing.

Re: When everything starts crashing.

Really getting over not sleeping. Really over this non stop panic attack!!! Freaking out!

In response to: When everything starts crashing.

Re: When everything starts crashing.

The overwealing feelings are getting a lot stronger. Had to live work sick. I find it so hard to live work sick for mental illness as I physically don't look ill. People just look at me like um ok.
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