Struggling to Survive

Hey @Former-Member that is a really horrible place to be in The amazing thing that you aren't giving yourself credit for thought is that you are reaching out, saying exactly how you are feeling and that tells me that there is a tiny little part of you that does see some hope.

I so very well get how quickly the darkness can take over @Former-Member and you feel like there is no way out and everything is hopeless - that seems to have been my life for so long now. I am 'ok' at the moment but I know one tiny little thing could change that and it sucks. So while I am doing ok I might just send you a little of my 'okayness' to help you out.

Social anxiety/depression can occur in all 'types' of people but being bullied, shy etc. certainly does not help @Former-Member I think you are feeling this even more atm because of how badly you were treated by the dr and it really is not right.

It's not that @Zoe7 ,I was bullied a day before my 40th when I left there 5 years ago that did a lot of damage and was my downfall.It was like the icing on the cake,it was cruel to take that milestone away from me like that.I avoid people for depression and to avoid feelings of anger,pure hatred,their gossiping ways,the fact that they are doing well and I'm a failure.Few weeks ago I seen people I knew in new cars,came home and went to bed.I felt that trigger instantly.I had a lot of bullying but no different to anyone else probably.

I had to leave today because of a sister which I avoid because of past history.I knew I had to get respite by travelling away Zoe7 because I feel like I am standing on the edge atm.Being on here and having a light joke with someone or talking is relief .🌹

Do you feel like you need hospital as respite or being on here is helping. I am very happy to listen and keep you company @Former-Member

@Former-Member I have to go for a while - really unwell - I will try to come back asap

Stay safe @Zoe7@.Hope I didn't trigger you.Im stressed about everything,going out spending money I can't afford today doesn't help, especially when I can't meet the job effort.I feel trapped,and can't see a way out.I refuse drugs.I think but when I think of hospital like today Is know I'm at that point .I know when I didn't know what to do with myself this morning.Hope you are OK.👼

No you didn't trigger me at all @Former-Member have been feeling unwell all day - lack of sleep last night hasn't helped! Feeling a little better atm - nausea and headache back again but chest pain has lessened.

Is there a reaon you refuse medication or just a personal choice?

When you 'don't know what to do with yourself' do you also feel really sad and then feel nothing? Just asking because that is sometimes how I feel!

I couldn't relax this morning @Zoe7,I have lived on flight or fight response all my life.I haven't spoken to neither sister for years,and avoid them at all costs.That put me on edge because I would rather go than be sitting here and I was feeling vulnerable even though all I wanted was to go to bed because I had a rough night as well.

I changed my life with medication,they made me believe in myself,false sense I would be ",OK".I blame them for letting me believe I ,could do it"when I now know I'm a failure.I realised my depression was my reality and told my mental health nurse this two years ago.He told me "I wasn't well".Yes I'm not well,but nothing in life tells me "I'm worth it"like reading that report the other day, there's nothing positive besides my cats ,without that , you've got nothing.Many reasons Zoe7 a large part of me thinks it's best to "let go", that's the problem.

What was in that report the other day was written from a narrow-minded and uncaring individual who has no right to be 'judging' anyone else - and certainly does not have any idea of the effects of mental illness. It is so unfair that they wrote that about you @Former-Member You did take a huge step though in sending in your complaint - that does take courage. Whether you get a response or not you should feel like you have stood up for yourself in this instance - and if you have done it once you can do it again!

I do know however that when you feel so low, and as if you have nothing, that all you want is for the darkness to swallow you up! Even when you find a little joy in something it is often short-lived and then you are back in the dark again. It really is no way to live. I have no answers here either @Former-Member - all I am doing is trying to get through each day - some days are harder than others, some minutes are harder than others. At the end of the day what we decide and the actions we take I believe should be our choice to make but knowing that there are people here who care about us - care about you - does make a difference.

@Former-Member ..... 💜💜💜