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on the edge

Unknown userMember13 June 2017, 4:15 pm AEST

on the edge

I feel destroyed. So down. So frail. So unwanted & lonely. I have been having temptations lately to hurt myself severely again. Commit suicide, I suppose.

My CYMHS team has given up on me. I have given up on myself and my family won't get me support and won't allow me to get support. They also said that if I did do anything again that they will disown me. I honestly - don't want to hurt them and I don't want to have to go through the same difficult aftermath as I did last time.

I am afraid. I am afraid that I won't be accepted help (like what has happened before) and I am afraid that I will just continue be dragging on the floor like I am right now and hit breaking point and will do something irreversible.

I feel so stuck and so confused on where to turn. I don't honestly know what to do. I dont see a future in all honesty. I am not living this life. Things shouldn't be like this.

What do I do in this sort of situation? I don't know.

106 replies

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In response to: on the edge

Unknown userMember13 June 2017, 9:32 pm AEST

Re: on the edge

Same. This year I was supposed to be graduating. I became very unwell, and then left and deserted everything in life and find myself nowadays struggling just to get out of bed to take a shower.. and it is too much effort just to eat. Or to feed the pets.

Sorry to hear you have gone through something similar @Zoe7

Recently all my supports fleed so I don't even have appointments to attend anymore. And nobody wanting or willing to provide me with support either.

Sydney is very pretty, I have only ever been there twice in my lifetime. Not that I can even remember the visits there recently. Sorry that that set you back x

In response to: Re: on the edge

Zoe7Senior Contributor13 June 2017, 9:35 pm AEST

Re: on the edge

What were you studying @Former-Member

In response to: on the edge

Unknown userMember14 June 2017, 7:53 am AEST

Re: on the edge

Sorry for the sudden disappearance @Zoe7 ❣

Hope you have a good day x

In response to: Re: on the edge

Zoe7Senior Contributor14 June 2017, 9:38 am AEST

Re: on the edge

That is quite ok @Former-Member sometimes we need to 'walk away' and be with ourselves - especially when we are not feeling the best or becoming overwhelmed. I am pleased you have checked in this morning though. I have my appointments today and I still have no voice so they could be interesting. I hope you can find a little light in your day today. I will check in with you later on to see how you are travelling.

Zoe

In response to: on the edge

Unknown userMember14 June 2017, 4:03 pm AEST

Re: on the edge

I think last night was one of those days - and still not feeling quite steady or safe in myself today 😔💛 Hope you are well @Zoe7 .

Hope your appointments have gone well today and that you soon again find your voice!

Sending my love x

In response to: on the edge

Unknown userMember15 June 2017, 10:03 am AEST

Re: on the edge

Hope you are having a better day today @Zoe7 ❣ Thinking of you X

In response to: Re: on the edge

Zoe7Senior Contributor15 June 2017, 10:06 am AEST

Re: on the edge

It has started off better having some nightmare free sleep @Former-Member I am still unwell and very tired but feel in a 'better space' to be able to deal with that for now.

How was your night? How are you doing this morning?

In response to: on the edge

Unknown userMember15 June 2017, 10:10 am AEST

Re: on the edge

It is good to hear that you had more of a restful sleep lately night. Nightmares really do suck. However, uhg, it sucks to hear that you still feel unwell and tired. @Zoe7 Only hope for you to get better soon & for more nights free of nightmares.

My night was quite difficult. I got to sleep at 2am but then found myself consistently waking up.. from 2:30.. then 3am.. then 4am and then I decided to just stay awake. So not much sleep at all! Due to that I guess my mood has plummeted and I am feeling more restless and irritable this morning. Ahh.

In response to: Re: on the edge

Zoe7Senior Contributor15 June 2017, 10:16 am AEST

Re: on the edge

I have been there so much over the last 6 months - sleep really is a rarity! Lack of sleep certainly does affect our moods and our daily 'struggles' to even just get through the day @Former-Member

My throat is very swollen, red and dry - I have some drops to try to settle the pain a little but may need to have it explored more closely as it has been nearly 2 weeks it has been sore and I have very little voice. I am back to the GP Friday and she'll have another look then and see if it is improving. If it isn't I'll have to have a little camera put down my throat to my stomach to see if the 'problem' is even further down. I really hope the drops work

On days when you have had little or no sleep it is just about getting through the best you can @Former-Member - do whatever you need to do today

In response to: on the edge

Unknown userMember15 June 2017, 10:22 am AEST

Re: on the edge

Sleep really does impact our mood. It can also worsen my psychosis, so it does make it very difficult to cope and to make it through. I haven't yet had breakfast this morning so I think I might distract myself with boiling some eggs on the stove! I love my eggs and can eat them alone.

Oh, that is dreadful 😞 Soar throats is such a pain. Definitely when you are struggling to even talk. I hope your appointment goes well with the GP and that this soon goes away. A camera down your throat, ohh 😞 I hope they find out the cause

Definitely ❣❣ Hope you get well soon

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