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on the edge

Unknown userMember13 June 2017, 4:15 pm AEST

on the edge

I feel destroyed. So down. So frail. So unwanted & lonely. I have been having temptations lately to hurt myself severely again. Commit suicide, I suppose.

My CYMHS team has given up on me. I have given up on myself and my family won't get me support and won't allow me to get support. They also said that if I did do anything again that they will disown me. I honestly - don't want to hurt them and I don't want to have to go through the same difficult aftermath as I did last time.

I am afraid. I am afraid that I won't be accepted help (like what has happened before) and I am afraid that I will just continue be dragging on the floor like I am right now and hit breaking point and will do something irreversible.

I feel so stuck and so confused on where to turn. I don't honestly know what to do. I dont see a future in all honesty. I am not living this life. Things shouldn't be like this.

What do I do in this sort of situation? I don't know.

106 replies

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In response to: on the edge

Unknown userMember13 June 2017, 9:03 pm AEST

Re: on the edge

@Zoe7

I am going to log off xx I don't know why but I have moments where I feel like I can't breathe on here 😣😝 I just suddenly feel claustrophobic and as though the walls are closing in on me. Too much communication can cause me too much anxiety, even online, how stupid.

On the urge of a panic attack... again 😔😢

Have a nice night Zoe -- I hope it is better than it was last night. Warm wishes for you x

In response to: on the edge

Zoe7Senior Contributor13 June 2017, 9:04 pm AEST

Re: on the edge

My GP is lovely - I think everyone who knows me wants her as their GP too @Former-Member It is a story most others already know but I can give you the quick version - last September I went to the doctor because I was feeling so sick - my usual GP was off sick herself so I saw anyone available - the GP I saw was the one I see now. She called an ambulance and sent me straight to hospital as I couldn'tstan and my heartrate was up around the 180 bmp mark. It transpired that I had Influenza A and B. I was very sick for weeks and at the same time my depression, anxiety and PTSD became increasingly worse. Not long after I started seeing this GP she left the clininc I had been at for over 25 years and moved to another one. It just so happened that the one she moved to was close to my home - so I moved also. She has been seeing me for up 4 times a week since. Even when she was on holidays (and over the christmas/new year period) she would text me everyday to see how I was going. She also doesn't work Tuesdays so for a long time she would call or text on those days also. At the moment I am seeing her 3 times a week - and I am seeing my psychiatrist once a week. The deal is - I can be monitored by both of them with these visits and I will not have to go to hospital as they both understand that that would be more detrimental to my health because of my fears and anxiety around hospitals. That is the short version lol.

In response to: Re: on the edge

Zoe7Senior Contributor13 June 2017, 9:06 pm AEST

Re: on the edge

Jump back on if you need support or want to talk @Former-Member - do whatever you need to do to stay safe and be able to breathe I will be thinking of you...

Zoe

In response to: on the edge

Unknown userMember13 June 2017, 9:07 pm AEST

Re: on the edge

She sounds like absolute bliss and such a supportive person for you. So glad you have someone you can turn to and talk to. I am very jealous indeed xx @Zoe7

In response to: on the edge

Unknown userMember13 June 2017, 9:08 pm AEST

Re: on the edge

Thank you... I am struggling right now

Have a nice night @Zoe7

In response to: Re: on the edge

Zoe7Senior Contributor13 June 2017, 9:13 pm AEST

Re: on the edge

I get it @Former-Member - just remember you don't have to struggle on your own - finding the strength in yourself to ask for support is harder than walking that journey alone - so we are here for you if/when you need.

Sending you my love and hugs to help you through...

Zoe

In response to: on the edge

Unknown userMember13 June 2017, 9:13 pm AEST

Re: on the edge

Drowning in my own flipping mind @Zoe7

In response to: Re: on the edge

Zoe7Senior Contributor13 June 2017, 9:19 pm AEST

Re: on the edge

Tonight you just need to keep your head above water and breathe @Former-Member Our thoughts can be so consuming that we can't see past them - that much I really do understand. Every time you feel you are going under think of all the wonderful things that a new day can bring - the known and the unexpected - just like our connection here today. Sometimes there is no reason why - things just happen - good and bad - and trying to make too much sense out of it all can sendus spiralling down into a world of hurt. i knwo it is easier said that done to 'switch off' your thoughts so is there anything you can do to distract yourself from your mind - even for short periods of time?

In response to: on the edge

Unknown userMember13 June 2017, 9:22 pm AEST

Re: on the edge

I haven't had any "good" inbedded in my day for what seems like a lifetime. My day is basically - wake up, stay in bed, eat, sleep.. nothing else and I cant ever get myself to do anything else either. I have nothing to look forwards to tomorrow @Zoe7

In response to: Re: on the edge

Zoe7Senior Contributor13 June 2017, 9:27 pm AEST

Re: on the edge

OMG I completely understand - my days have been similar - get up, feed the fur babies and not do much else except GP, chemist, psych. I have not been well enough or physically able to do much at all. I was able to take Toby to the beach for walks but I can't even do that atm. I went on a short holiday to Sydney a couple of weeks ago and was really overwhelmed and exhausted that it actually set me back a long way.

The one thing you do have to look forward to tomorrow @Former-Member is that you have found us here - and we will be here for you - that much is a given

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