Not doing so well

My pleasure @Faith-and-Hope .... You are very much loved here and IRL. I know patterns of behaviour stem from past hurt/pain. I have seen that come through with my Dad too.

I am very much hoping your circumstances change so that you can move forward with your life. Plus you find more peace and quality of life for you.

To be honest if WH wants to attend family counsellor I think that is a good thing. Has WH had any individual therapy? I know family members can present with symptoms- its an individual problem but its a family system issue. I think its the right time for S2 to get is anxiety treated and managed. Because anxiety is something that does not get better with age but in fact gets worse.

I think the family therapy will open up ways, to better communication with each other and how you relate to one and other. Its going to be hard if WH is not open to the process and him not having insight into his behaviour. The therapy may help him get more insight and hopefully the family unit can come together as a whole. My concern is that you find the right person for your family.

I have always believed there is noone better equiped to help their child then their mum and Dad. I don't think anyone would care more then you and WH for your children. I am hoping you can sit down and discuss your concerns with WH- are you able to communicate with him about his behaviour and how it impacts you. I know you will find a way forward and think the advice of family therapy is a good one.

@oceangirl. hello ☺ thought of you when I saw this picture. Are you OK today? And you @Faith-and-Hope ?? 💜💞🌷🌿

Hi @oceangirl .... 🐬💕

I can't actually communicate with WH because of Anosognosia -

"Enter Anosognosia

Anosognosia is a fancy term for a feature of anorexia and related eating disorders (as well as of some types of stroke and brain trauma) that describes a change to how our brains process information. In brain conditions with anosognosia, the person’s perception of their own illness is affected. In fact, anosognosia often declares the illness to be gone or to have never been present. In anosognosia the brain does not perceive the extent of the illness, sometimes not even its presence."

WH has no understanding that he is ill, and prior to the diagnosis of ocpd, he had no idea that he was being controlling, or that this is wrong. In fact he was being excessively controlling, and I may be wrong, but my belief is that this has caused the anxiety and depression in S2 .... without going into details, WH was being emotionally abusive without any understanding that he was .... he was just trying to be the best parent he knew how according to the way his parents parented, without any comprehension that his family are ocpd, and that this is disordered.

While S2 is being treated for anxiety and depression, it is WH who is the true source of the problem and this hasn't been discovered yet. Trying to talk to him about it is like talking to a brick wall - he is not able to comprehend that he is ill, and it would devastate him to understand that he has caused his son harm .... which is why it is dangerous for us to try to broach this with him .... a specialist needs to get through to him, and it might take medication for that to happen.

Privacy laws prevent me from telling the specialist what is going on behind the scenes, and WH is presenting as a loving parent who has been a bit too controlling in meetings with the pdoc. If only he knew !! We have had rages and delusional thinking going on, and constant marshalling in a totally ott way .... then he would switch and seem to have no recollection of that behaviour.

I imagine it is similar to dementia.

Before the eating disorder he had some traits of this, but his regimen appears to have triggered it into this out-of-control state, that is only staying under control if everyone complies with what he wants. On e this is understood by the family therapist that is when the family therapy can help us. Until it is understood, we can't speak up or discuss anything in family therapy because it all comes back to something that WH doesn't believe exists, and it's too traumatic to cope with.

The family counsellor doesn't know our predicament, and we have no way of letting him know. We are caught in a vicious cycle until something exposes the rest of the illness. I am hoping that by not speaking up they may try to speak with us individually. That's when I can indicate that there is a problem we can't discuss in family therapy or even in couples therapy.

There will have to be a breakthrough somewhere. He is reeling over S2 being unwell, and trying to be as supportive as he can.

As far as I can work out, he was diagnosed with the ocpd, by S2's pdoc, but not offered any therapy. E has had no other individual therapy because he doesn't believe there is anything wrong with him that requires therapy. He thinks spitting out litres and litres of food a day is his own personal vice, like smoking, and nobody else's business. That's how he has justified it to himself and to his mother, who supports him in the behaviour.

Hi @Former-Member .... 🌷💕

@Former-Member .... that image is amazing !! What an incredible colour ..... ❣️

😁 .... I reckon I could ..... ❣️

I truly do feel for you @Faith-and-Hope. I am hoping you can make your way forward. I am so sorry about S2 and I know you must be worried about him. I don't know what to advise you to do. I really think reading the book facing codepenency (mite help)- a lot of what you are talking about, it fits quite well. I think you do need holistic approach. I am concerned about you and the impact it is having on you. You are wonderful and caring person, I wish I could wrap my arms around and tell you everything is going to be okay. Keep swimming because we are all swimming with you.

Even the ocpd diagnosis is more than we had a few weeks ago @oceangirl ..... and life has its strange ways sometimes ..... the pdoc for S2 might be the one who brings us resolution. He recommended family counselling, but in dealing more with S2 he might work out the patterns that tell him there is co-dependency here, and an eating disorder devoid of insight .....

I just have to ride each wave as it comes up, and have the courage to do so. The whole picture might piece together from dozens of little comments and impressions, at least enough for them to realise that WH needs one to one therapy. If even a small part of the eating disorder becomes exposed and investigated, that will uncover the rest ....

Here is where faith and hope have their place .... and taking the baby steps .... and breathing .....

💜

You are sound really strong and have much clarity by the way you express yourself in such an succinct matter. Everything is very clearly expressed and that demonstrates great understanding and insight and much love towards your children and WH. @Faith-and-Hope.

I am heading off to Hawaii tomorrow. I can't remember if I told you about my scans and ultrasound, I did have two of my three tests today. The scan showed abnormalities as did the blood test. I am heading into hospital on my way back from Hawaii- I will be admitted into Sydney.

I will not be online much until later next week perhaps Wed or Thurs evening. I'll be thinking of you- look after yourself and try to take it easy. I will be for the next three weeks. All the best hon

Hi @oceangirl.

I just wanted to drop in. I'm sorry your scans show some abnormalities. I'm glad you can go on your holiday then work it out in hospital.

I hope you have a wonderful time in Hawaii. It will be really beautiful and peaceful. Wishing you all the very best for your holiday and I'll look out for you.

Sending loads of good luck hugs. 💜🤗💐