when is it time for hospital

Hi @Bubbles3, Thank you for letting us know that you are in hospital. I hope you are being well looked after there and that it is a helpful stay for you. I'm glad you are able to maintain contact with us here in Forum Land while you are in hospital. In NSW public hospitals (at least the ones I've been in) you aren't allowed to have phones etc. in the psych. ward. It is something that makes me cranky!

Take care @Bubbles3 and keep us updated about how you are going.

The truth @Sans911 ,I avoid people including family due to being a failure and ending up in the gutter.I can't look at anyone in my family because there is a history of endless put downs or lack of respect. I was never good enough,always been treated in a way that was meant to intimidate, humiliate or make me feel inadequate.This treatment had a long lasting impact.Im trying to hang onto life @Sans911,I've had to block these people out to survive,to keep safe.Yes, mental health is so misunderstood,been told to "suck it up"I can't talk to anyone except on here.People are far too much judgemental or can't trust to be private for me.
I worry @Sans911,about your need for acceptance,as it's something you don't have control over.They either love you for what you are or they don't.👤

Hello @Former-Member, @outlander, @Bubbles3, @Sans911, @Phoenix_Rising

Hello everyone im still here sort of.

ive had paranoia on again today so I thought it was better for me to stay away.
It seems to have calmed down for now. Ive really gotta get that sorted.
Yesterdays events still remain as well. I havent spoken to my mother yet and im not going to be the one that breaks first this time. If she wants to act childish because yet again I had to be the adult and sort every bloody thing out and ignore me then thats her problem.
I also got into the state of what have I done! Why did I do that mode! In regards to the SH and ive been so anooyed at myself for doing that and im so embarssed about it.

Ive done so much today including using the helplines strategies they gave me to help with the paranoia.
I done 20 minutes of my physio exercises, 2 hours of exercise workouts in incriments that include squats, push ups, boxing skills, planking, step ups just to name a few. Felt good to do some exercise since ive been tip toeing around from my accident.

I forced myself outstide instead of hiding in the corner again and went to work for the few hours it takes me.

I dont some drawing and listening to music. I copied a few pictures as its gives me that task to do.
I done a few colouring pages in between washing loads and house chores which included 6 loads of washing , dried and folded as well. Cleaned the ktichen, bathroom and bedrooms as well.
Mum, her bf and kids went out. I wasnt in the mood or mental state to go out and deal with the world but at least the day was productive.

I have decided that I need help. I need to get my psyciatrist and my gp dilema sorted because I need that extra support because I can feel another hospital admission coming. All my signs are showing that I should be in hospital including the out of control SH, SI, self hatred, not wanting to live, struggling to function properly, dissocaiation a lot more than usual and the paranoia. These are the worsening signs that ended me in hospital the last few times. I dont want to end up there again, I need to find the courage and strength the pull my shite together and do what has to be done.

@Former-Member@Shaz51@Sans911@Zoe7@MDT@frog@soul@Faith-and-Hope @Maggie@Former-Member@Owlunarand everyone

@Former-Member@Bubbles3@Sans911im sorry you guys are struggling so much too. I wish people would understand. but thats why i love being here

Oh, @outlander, just reading this now and my heart breaks for you. I wish your mother would come to her senses and see the pressure she puts you under. It isn't fair. She really treats you like a servant and that makes me angry! I am sorry to read about your SH last night but, can understand the intensity of the emotions behind it.

I tend to agree with you. You have to get the GP and psychiatrist issue sorted for your own recovery. I'd hate to see you spiral out of control to the point you have no other option but the hospital.

Keeping busy is great! I find this really helps me distract from paranoia when it strikes. Remember though to keep busy doing things you enjoy too like listening to music and your art.

Sending gentle hugs

I've been alright today and yesterday @outlander, besides a level of distress,only because I got out of the house and walked and did a bit of gardening.My mother is away which I think helps because I have less cleaning (She rang today which stressed me,went on about her health!Lol)Worried about what the week will bring.Im worried I'm going to lose Centrelink because I can't get 10 jobs,got two.Think I will have to go to the doctor and get a medical certificate which I hate but I have no choice.My problems now is that I know I'm not well with severe depression and anxiety,but 1.No longer trust or believe in anyone 2.Will not take antidepressants because I blame them for changes I made to my life which ruined my life,not helped and the fact that a pill isn't going to help.Its my environment and situation.

I have the symptoms you describe,low self worth,self hatred,SC thoughts,functioning, Hopelessness that I struggle with etc.Keeping busy does help like you today and me this weekend.I moved from a farm with a acre or more garden and a lot of mowing to in town.I basically took my life through taking away what kept me busy and alive.

Glad you had a OK day.