when is it time for hospital

Ohhhh my sister @outlander , giving you a big hug

nice one getting in touch with a phone service @outlander

Ok so sorry for the late repsonding its been one heck of a day

@soul

I constanlty struggling with identity. I think one of my main reasons is that being ive always had the mothering role, always been the one people rely on to be held up, to always be in pain (both mentally and physically) and its been like that for the past 20 yrs and when I realised and it was pointed out to me that its not a normal way to live my 'normal' went to abnormal and I couldnt understand it. I think its another reason change is so hard for me as well even though I want to change and make things better for the future.
I get im a daughter, a carer and all those things but they dont really tell me who I am. There are a lot of daughters etc out there but what makes me 'me' if that makes sense. Right now im stuck in who I was, whats happening to me and who ill become in the future.

And no moving out isnt an option though im really thinking about it. I just know its not possible so im trying to make do with what I have and the situation im in as much as it sucks.

Yes I have no idea where to go from here. I thought going to counselling would be a guiding path but tbh it isnt. Yes im talking about feelings, learning to cope work with trauma and all those things but its not guidng me in what I should be doing with my life.

@Former-Member your a guiding figure even if oyu dont realise it so speak away. Im sorry about your psot but please dont be discouraged im always open to what people have to say.
Yes there are quite a few costs involved in my psychology sessions so might not be a good idea to increase those. I know I have to get checked I just dont want them to send me to hospital. I still ahd paranoia today though not as bad as yesterday. No more seeing figures and I was able to go outside.
Your not a failure, not to me. NO WAY!
Also when I put my post up about my helpline call you were right. Ill get to that but you were right

yes a rough one that led to a rough day unfortunatley but step by step I got through and ill see another day.
I can always try that, im glad it does work for you though. We need a sense of self and I dont have it right now. I gotta go find it, I just dont know where to find it yet.

@MDT

thank you for your hugs they are alwasy nice @Shaz51

@outlander,thanks from your failure of a friend.lol!And I will cry.💨

The helpline I used which was KHL was most helpful. For once they didnt sound like a robot and tel me to just keep working on my coping strategies. They actually helped me work through some things and mainly the paranoia. And they agreed I need to find what works for me and to aslo speak to my gp and psychologist about it too

My new coping strategies for paranoia and proabably a lot of others things to are:

1. do the things that bring comfort such as holding a teddy ruggin up in a blanket and for me its listening to music, art and nature

2. do something logical and methodical such as a crossword, or other sort of puzzle. Another thing that can come into this category is doing the Drawing that Zoe had sugegsted and guided me through yesterday wih the figures and then making it bright. As it give me a task to focus on. Another strategy is picking an image and copying it as it give me soemthing to focus on and thats drawing the chosen image.

3. avoiding stressors during that time. The therapist said I need to reduce my stress load and we discovered what was bringing on the paranoia. The first thing was the car' incident and then also the argument I was having with mum and her bf about being lazy and needing to get my priorities straight etc.

4. movement and exercise when in the extrememly anxious state where I cant sit still and find myself pacing. Focus on a specific exercise such as squats, push ups, running on the spot, or more specifically for me my physio exercises.

5. use my coping strategies but repeat them. So my colouring in, 5 senses, counting steps, the above strategies of drawing, crosswords, and doing exercise.

6. when im in a state of being able to sit, try and just rest and sleep because as you said Li1 sometimes we just need to reset and things can ease.

7. PRN medications, I have them so use them

8. call a helpline and talk it out- I didnt meantion the forums for obvious reasons but I can use being here too.

9. make sure I use the STOP and Zoe Method remind myself of the good things too and remind msyelf im safe

so thank you guys for all your help. it really is so much appreciated and im so grateful!

@Former-Member@MDT@soul@Shaz51@Faith-and-Hope@Zoe7@Sans911

and you too @NikNik