when is it time for hospital

We all think you're a cutie @outlander!

Hope you're feeling more refreshed and ready for a new day @outlander. Find some beauty in it - even if it's just a little bit.

Hi @outlander

I glanced though some of your thread - yes - you do blame yourself for things you have no control over and this is not your fault - someone has brainwashed you into thinking that way - it's not right at all that you have to put up with the constant pressure in your home

I am not sure who wrote it - I think it was @Faith-and-Hope - about dealing with this in a pleasant and polite manner - I get that - my mind turned more to passive-aggression - and I have to look that up and see what it really means - I am sure it's not what Faith means - so I will have to work on it at my end when I catch up with myself

I received an advertising book in my mail - yeah - they invent stuff and they have to invent reasons to sell it - convince us that we can't get along without all this - and the book looked full of cluttered space - so I get it - atm your brain has been filled to being full of clutter by your Mum and that is not fair, it is so sad - and it is so wrong

So when I get the time I will check this out - Passive Aggression - but I think it's doing what other people want but keeping your own brain out of the mud-puddles of other people's derision toward you

Sorry if I am not making sense though - I am tired today - everything is catching up with me and some posts have been challenging regarding social issues and my soap box is out and I think I am standing on it

I care about you a lot - but I feel helpless when it comes to helping you get out of that shambles where not even your mind is allowed freedom

Lotsa hugs

Dec

@-karma-love the teddy bear! Super cute and thank you to all the mods who were on lat night and today monitoring everything

@Sans911

im not really sure what you mean by transparent... is that a good thing?
Love and hugs to you too Big Sis

lol @Former-Member im not trying to be cute

@soul
I managed to get some sleep so im feeling abit better today. I did some drawing yesterday. I gotta go to work soon only for about 2 hours though. I got the easy horses to do today. Did abit of study this morning will do abit more soon and then I have the psychologist later on this afternoon.

@Owlunar
'im always under pressure. Thats probably half of my problem but I tried to change that and it just keeps pileing back up on top again.
Yes that was F&H who wrote about that idea. I think its a good one, just have to keep putting it into practice and stop letting everything so small get to me.
Thats ok, take your time, rest up. You had a busy few days im not surprised your tired.
I know you care, half the time I dont know what to say to me either. I dont really understand how someone can be in such a mess!

Hi @outlander

I am rattling off on all sorts of subjects randomly - I guess I am really tired and my back aches and I am writing the thoughts I mostly just think about

But yes - you are in a bad place and only you can get out of it and things are not working for you to do that right now

After all - your mother and that guy she has in her life are both working and they can rent a house so you can care for your Pop which I think is your long term goal - and I also think that idea keeps you going - and it's a good idea

When other people stuff up their own lives it can't be your fault

So I will rattle on because I know from my own experience that rattling on means far more than saying nothing

Sending more hugs

Dec

@Owlunar yes you are right having the thought that one day my mother and the girls WILL move out is pretty much keeping me going besides here. something that i can kind of grasp in my mind that change will come. it has too, if it doesnt come soon i might look into other options including getting myself a caravan or something. right now im 'surving' rather than 'living'

i want to live, i dont want to have to drown in all this mess every single day AND night. something has to give

i hope you can fit in a nap today and rest up. i know your back hurts so please rest up

oh hows your big toe going?