when is it time for hospital

i cant do it @Sans911

how i can not just say something

why do i have to have a panic attack everytime i even think about talkng to my mother

why is is so damn hard

breathing is probably a good idea..

@JoseJones

im panicing

panic panic

panic

omg

i cant

@outlander I think that you have some good advice here from everyone, sending you some big hugs my sister

i thought this would be a great opportunity and my friend needs to know. it was a really quick split decision and has to get things organised now otherwise i think maybe i couldve organised it.

i dont think i can talk to my mother. i have a panic attack every single time i even think about talking to her and it quickly spirals as i guess you guys have just seen.

but i dont want to dissapoint my friend either

stuck in a rock and a hard place and a place i want to be

im such a dissapointment

how can a mother distress their own child that much

how can i let it get to me that much

i really am a mistake

@Shaz51@Sans911@Ant7@Queenie@CheerBear@Former-Member@Former-Member

this is/was my chance to do something and i cant do it 😞

@outlanderNO, NO, NO YOU ARE NOT A MISTAKE. You are on this Earth for a reason, and as shitty as life is right now, you will have a better life in time. I'm sorry you feel so bad, your mother has treated you horrendously. You have been neglected much of your short life already, treated not much more than a slave for your mother and bf benefits. I'm sorry, I just get so f£$^^%%king angry at how unfair things are for you. No one can tell you what is the right thing in this situation, but I guess at some point in your life you have to decide what your life is worth. That might mean an all out bust up with your mother, and perhaps you may need to distance yourself from her until you've both worked out what is the best way forward for your relationship.Unless you can make a decision today, and be mentally ok with the consequences, go ahead. But if you feel it may impact you negatively, you might have to back up. You know you will still be loved by everyone here on the forums, no matter what. I am more than sorry this is so difficult for you

oh @Sans911 ive been trying to make a better life and i just cant 😞

i dont know what else im suppose to do. why cant i just come live with you. i wouldnt even have to ask, you would just know.

i dont know what my lie is worth anymore. nothing apparently. i have not much of a purpose except to be a slave. seems to suit me well, its all i deserve anyway.

i dont think its going to happen. the house sitting thing. i cant bring myself to ask or say anything for that matter. i jsut dont think its going to work. i still have to look after pop as well. and im already working long hours. i dont know how im suppose to fit in looking after her pets as well when with these extra four horses to look after its going to add another 2 hours to my day of work

i just might have to tell her that ill do the horses but i wont be able to do house sitting.

ive know about this since the morning and though i could jsut ask her without having panic attacks or the extra support from here but ive had 3 panic attacks today 😞