when is it time for hospital

@Owlunar

its not just big dogs, its all dogs puppies and all. I can be near them not even those cute little innocent puppies. The dog that run up to me and slobbered everywhere I knew pretty well and he was a puppy and a small dog and it still set me off.

Thanks for listening and hearing me

yeah I totally get the feeling of being overwhelmed and no really wanting to explain further. I get it. And yes life is very hard isnt it but with the friends we have here it just makes it that bit more bearable.
I have been at home for some of the day. I went and sat at the beach for abit and went and fed my horse as well but most of the days I spent watching some movies

@MDT

@Anony18

aww thanks.

Yes ive written it all down so its a positive but ive done the three things I said I wouldnt do (will expain in an overall thing) ive tried to action things but apparently life just throws curveballs at me and I have to continuously deal with crap and its always negative.

Im glad both your job and your friend are going well. You deserve to be happy. And no its not bad to fear the response. Sometimes we dont want to 'ruin' or make thigns awkward with different answers when everything is going well and smoothly.

Ahh yes the full house, I totally get that as im in the same situation and while they arent newborns they are kids and they scream!

I know when your in this sort of mood its no use trying to persuade you of anything different to what you truly think plus I know your stubborn so it wouldnt matter what I say so... im just going to hang here and support you and rant away as much as you like.

Go to the podiatrist, they are much better for fee. I have one and they are helping me out and they say im one of the strange cases but are still trying to help as much as possible and before this accident they were helping me. Ive just got to let this heal up abit more but im seeing them next week for a checkup. They can personalise an stretches and exercise routine for your spurs and pain.
Ask for orthotics that can be placed into your normal shoes rather than buying the full orthotic shoes.

Hmm I think you might be onto somethere there with the triggers. I dont enjoy them anymore but rather just adds to the stress so maybe thats the reason......

@Former-Member

@Maggie

I got my break today. Back at full work tomorrow.
Life keeps throwing shite at me and im over really I am. They say things happen for a reason I cant see a reason for all of this!

One thing good today sort of was I went to the beach and because everything involves dogs I stayed in my car but was close enough to watch the waves. I watched coming in and thinking how many times ive said 'letting the waves crash over me' and just letting the emotions flow. I imagined myself sitting there and literally letting them wash over me. I watched how the waves- all waves of everykind do eventually flatted and fade away. I so wished that things happened that way but it doesnt, not for me.

So today despite trying to put my plan into action. Ive done 3 things that I said I wouldnt do.
And thats 1 2 and 3 .
ive made the decision to give D back to the owners. Ive had her for 4 months already and I thought I had 4 months left I actually only have 2. my head and guts are telling me that its the right things to do but my heart disagrees.
I have to try and remember that I cant fix every horse as much as I want to.
Im waiting till my aggistment has run out and then will be giving her back. So about 2 weeks to go.
Today after her treatment she has pulled up even worse which is telling me the more I provoke it the more painful its going to be for her. I cant put her through that and I cant afford to either. Each treatment costs $100 and with that I know its going to be a waste. Shes showing every sign of having a tendon injury and if they had of told me the story behind the injury I wouldnt have taken her on in the first place. She jumped a fence and got caught in rusted barb wire and kept pulling. From what ive been told it was a very bad injury. I wish someone had of told me the truth rather then saying she is fine, shes never been sore it was only a minor injury its made me quite upset really. I said I wouldnt let this get to me but it has and I can tell you theres going to be toruble between me and my so called friends and I have a feeling I am about to loose my job after I tell the boss I wont have a horse aggisted on her property. The last time I said that she told me to get off.
And the horse is my bosses best friends horse.

So my heart is shattered. Literally in a thousand pieces. 😞 😞 😞

@Maggie@Former-Member@Anony18@MDT@Owlunar@soul@Sans911@Former-Member

Oh @outlander I can hear the pain in your words and wish I could make it go away. The beach sounded nice, apart from the dog intrusion. You have a good heart @outlander, now I know that's completely useless info, I just wanted to say it. So you've had a break today, good. Can you go easy tomorrow or is it full speed ahead?

I was a mother to my younger brother from age 10, so I get some of your situation, it's hard. Your young life being eaten up. I hoped times had changed, but I guess not. Anyway, hearing you little lady and sending a warm hug.

@Maggie my heart hurts. i dont really know what else to do. i knew this was going to affect me to think otherwise was stupid on my behalf

i sat and watche the waves for 3 hrs. i didnt know id sat there that long until my phone started ringing. i dont know what i was watching but id obviously gone off in my own mind somewhere.

no tomorrow is back in full force but ill see how i go, i still have a bad ankle so thats prob going to take up extra time as ill be slower and need to rest it where i can.

ive been a mother since as long as i can remember, i dont remember ever really being a kid. i have no childhood and then get told by people to go get a life and make friends. how do i do that when i have the mindset of a 40yr old. people just dont get it so i stay by myself.

to think times had changed was a stupid thought on my behalf again and no one can blame anyone but me

@outlander I know your heart hurts, I can feel it. And yes, a 40 yr old mind, I know that. I never had a childhood either and it makes me angry to see it happening to you. I know the situation with the horse is a hard one, coming on top of losing your own. I don't think you should be on your ankle tomorrow, won't it undo your hospital stay?

Blame @outlander is not yours, you are doing over and above your best. For what it's worth, I'm thinking of you.