when is it time for hospital

@outlander, it's the fact that you are trying .I know lifeline does nothing except in a crisis, when you need that contact.Im worried,had crippling depression but the anxiety is controlling me.Was putting in for a job,but worried it will put me in places I avoid due to my anxiety,like that wedding, can't deal with it.Antidepressants won't help either,it's the way I feel about myself.

At the moment,your ankle has been agitated by a injury on the preexisting injury.

Yes, animals are very expensive ,just give yourself a bit of time.Ive been like that with animals because of my stress and depression.It takes simple enjoyment away.Talk tomorrow 🙋

Hi @outlander

This sounds really positive - I am glad you have been able to talk to your mother and that she is taking over her role as mother to your sisters and that you will be able to live a more normal life

It's a break-through that you have written that you can't control other people and they will do whatever they do regarding the horse and your second job etc - you seem to be taking things into your own hands a bit - talking to your mother has well

I wish you the best - I don't know what crisis happened that caused you to spin down - but I am really glad you had a few days in hospital and that it seems you are a lot better - you do sound a lot better

Thinking of you

Dec

@outlander I hear a lot of positive messages you are portraying from coming out of the hospital. Glad to hear you are alright and am proud of you my friend. I may not be on the forums all that much due to the busy schedule but I am definitely thinking of you xx

@Former-Member

yes im trying, doesnt make it any easier though. I really hope that one day through your determination, anxiety wont control you either. What job were you applying for? Is there another job or maybe you could volunteer somewhere thats comfortable for you?

Yes this stupid ankle. Never lets up does it and just when I thought it was going ok, it changes.
'I just dont know if doing horses is what I want to do anymore. I just dont want to be there. I always seem to connect with other peoples horses and not my own. Probably because they arent a chore if they arent mine.

@MDT

thats ok, you dont have to go off the grid your more than welcome to chat anytime. Somone always around that can help you even when im not here. The forums are a great big place full of amazing people. And yes I agree it can be a blessing and a curse and I ge exactly what you mean about life thowing us around. I hope your going ok..

@Owlunar

I have spoken to my mother but its not going to happen overnight. I can guarentee itll go back to the way it was. Im already feeling a lot less positive than I was yesterday. It never lasts long. Its probably the environment that I live in.

I figured the horse is the least of my problems really. It might not be the worst thing in the world if I give her back, less chores to do and if I loose my job well its not the end of the world and really she will be the one that looks silly because 'she fired me over give a horse back' sounds stupid doesnt it so really. It doesnt bother me anymore.

My crisis the other day was my horse spooked in the wind when a branch snapped and fell so it wasnt her fault but she knocked me straight onto my bad ankle and then my friends dog came and started jumping and sloberring all over me and set me straight into a panic and couldnt control crying, rambling or anything.

@Anony18

im not really that positive anymore, sounds positive in the plans but im not really feeling it now.
ive been missing you I hardly see you around anymore but I know you have your job and that makes it hard to come on here. How are you going? Hows your new job? Hows your guy friend going? Have you made anything 'official' yet?

Aw @outlander

No wonder you freaked - having your horse spooked like that and then slobbering dog run at you

I would really lose the plot if a dog ran at me if I was down - last week I was taking my bins out - first bin out and there was a strange and very large dog running aroun - I made like a tree - stood straight and didn't look straight at the dog as he ran about the front of my unit snuffling and breathing hard - aw I know how freaky that has to have been

I am scared of large dogs off the leach - not on for me

About your mother - I guess seeing as the whole situation is toxic it has to be endured for now while you count your days until the rest of the family moves out

It's not at all good but I hear you Outlander

Dec

@ outlander

I'm not bad. Just overwhelmed af. I would explain more but I'm not in the mood atm. Life is hard.

I hope you are getting better though 🙂

Did you say that you were home?

@outlander - been thinking of you so I have quickly logged in at work. I have really missed you too.

The good start yesterday is saying all the positive things. At least you have that written down. The actioning bit is the tough part. Take it slow and one step at time. If you are feeling a bit low try to take a step back, reassess and try again. Small components at one time. I am here to celebrate the good and even the falls that you have.

The new job is going well. Really busy and lots of internal changes happening. Things with the guy "friend" is going well. Nothing made official. I don't know if really we are official though it seems like it. I am afraid to ask for fear of a negative answer. Bad right? But over the weekend his mate referred to me as his wife...in a joking manner. He didn't seem to really care or mind. He is meeting a few friends this weekend for dinner too and coming to my dance. As for me I am going well. Though I have moments of anxiousness as well. Particularly with things at home. I know I avoid being home at times because there are so many people given sisters both are there with my nephew & niece (both new borns). It is overwhelming as to just hold my nephew & niece or "assist" - I get told as if I don't know what I am doing. So I choose not to be involved as yet. Prefer a one on one. Particularly when mum isn't around as it is rather smothering.

I don't want to volunteer @outlander, embarrassed being a loser,and what I see it would just be another scenario putting up with the idiots who need to feel important by putting others down.Not in the best mood,just got back from shopping and the doctors, pretty disgusted. Thought I better get x-ray results but knew it was nothing I didn't know.Waited 35 minutes, for my doctor who I came out knowing that he knows no better than me,said about the spur on the heel and the flat feet.I said I have pain with the spur on the top not the bottom,he then said I didn't have rhumatoid,then I said how he said the blood test results showed I had it and I have times where I am a cripple.The swelling of the feet and redness is my Raynaud's he reckoned,which is a cold weather thing.He tried to tell me my two months of being crippled in November December was my Raynaud's.I had to tell him it wasn't,Raynaud's affects you in cold conditions.Gave me exercises for my spurs and referral to podiatrist,which I see as absolutely useless as I know they will only try to get me to spend few hundred dollars which I haven't got on crap orthotics,which with my flat wide feet will make me look like Bozo the clown.I will make appointment but not buying into anything.I know it's something I have to live with as I have had it for a long time.Tried to tell me left leg weakness will be helped by spur exercises.Dont believe it will.Only thing that will help is weight loss in my opinion and way I feel I don't have motivation.Just takes away your confidence,I was going to discuss my mental health but have no faith in anyone which I have had a long time.Dr Google made more sense than the doctor I seen today.

The reason you connect with other horses may be that yours is a trigger for your stress?,they are pressure which you can't take and the responsibility does get to you.At times,I have been very cranky with mine because I am p***** off with myself,or my state of mind I feel guilty because I feel I can't look after them.

@outlander I sure wish you could get a break, being back on your ankle must be painful. It's no use telling you to take it easy is it, life seems to be putting obstacles in your way.

I bought a face mask today and thought of you, hope you manage something for you in your day.

Thanks for your forgiveness. Thinking of you, sending a hug.