when is it time for hospital

been thinking of you lots @outlander , sending you lots of hugs

@outlander I am so so sorry I mentioned the dogs rock thread, oh dear I didn't know, please forgive me for that.

Im glad you are out of hospital and the changes you are facing are huge. Good for you. Your future looks as though it will improve, it couldn't have continued the way it was. Take care of yourself. Thinking of you.

Hey @outlander, haven't been on here since our post on Friday,no one else wanted to listen to my dribble!Lol😥Anyway, there have been times when I feel the need to be hospitalized in the hope it would give me some perspective,or that "crunch time"when you know you either can sink,or swim.You have decided to swim.As I said the other day,when we are like this,you have to look after you.As for your horse decision,if you have doubts about her being for you don't put it off,you know by now I think.The friends,as I said come and go in your life,if they are genuine,they will be there.Relationships continually change like anything else.Everythng else,you know.As I said you are a inspiration girl!💓

@Faith-and-Hope
yes positive changes now just have to keep reinforcing them. This is the second hospital admission and the hyp only lasts about a week and then it all goes back to normal again. I thought it woke mum up the first time I went in considering I had plans not to be here but that didnt particularly work either. I was called an attention seeker.
I need mum to take more care of the kids, I want to be a sister not a mum. The last time I checked they didnt come out of me lol.

My ankle wont ever heal properly, its an old injury im just lucky that it wasnt damaged any further than what it already is.

Thank you for your support I know your not usually on here. Sorry to drag you here but rather than posting everywhere, I find its better to put it on one thread.

@q
I can only hope this stays better this time. 2 hospital admissions in 3 months wasnt quite the plan I had but I guess thats the way it had to be. I would much rather stay out of there now but I dont know how im going to handle tramua work. Ill be starting that on tuesday.
And yes they finally clicked into my head that something isnt right and things really have to change this time and not let it slide backwards like last time
thank you for your support it means a lot to me

@Sans911
yes it was really friggin scary speaking to my mother, but it had to be done. My mental state needs to take priority now. Not let things slide and get worse again. My goals now are to keep movin foraward. Im very worry worried about the trauma work though, but again its something that needs to be done. I, not dealing with the sexual abuse as yet but I can start to work on this trauma, then I might be able to help myself with the SA.
Thank you for all those compliments, really not expected. Im really glad your here too

@Former-Member

yes unfortuantly I was in hospital with yet another breakdown. I wish you could be here too but your with me in spirit and thats enough. I hope you start to get better from the lurgy. Its gross.
I am ready. I need to take this step to deal with one of my traumas at least one. They are both significant traumas but im ready to tackle this one.
I love animals too though I seem to have drifted very far away from them of recent but thats ok I have other things. Thank you for being here. I know this isnt one of your usual thread

@Shaz51
thank you very much for your support

@Maggie

your forgiven, your only trying to help and that really is fine. I agree it couldnt have kept going the way it was. This time it needs to change and stay changed. I just hate that I have to be the one who has to change and then change everyone else. Isnt that what mothers are suppose to do rather than putting it on their daughter/sons

thank you for being here

@Former-Member

well im here to listen. You know there are others who would have supported you too.....
but moving on im back and can drible away as much as you like.
I need to swim, if I had of sunk li1 that just worries me. I havent really ever been one to just give up. I know what I have to do with the horse, its already sorted she has 2 weeks and if shes not right then I have to give her back.
Ive never thought of myself as an inspiration but im glad you see it that way. It would be great to make a difference to others lives just as people have done here for me.
Thank you for your endless support

Thanks @outlander,I know ,these changes can diminish,or be unattainable .I had four years counseling to get my independent from my mother,and life,backfired miserably.She went out for the day with my estranged sister and niece yesterday,first time all year she's gone out with my sister,came home and I had to help her out of her car,I have the everyday pressure which I am struggling to deal with.I swam years ago,ending up sinking anyway.You are like the hope I had for me once,only I have high hopes you will do much better, because you are strong enough to confront it,where I tolerated it until it traumatized me completely.I gave up and whilst you know to go to hospital I have the stupid idea to put myself in bubble wrap to keep me safe from more trauma,but I know that the bubble wrap will deteriorate and that itself causes anxiety because if it's not now it's when?On my walk yesterday,I stopped every four steps several times distressed, and awful thoughts.That bad I thought I'd have to call lifeline to get me walking.I suffer from the "numbness of depression and anxiety badly ,it gets life threatening.

Your ankle is unfortunately something you have to live with.When I your age,as I said I was very obese,the flat feet and spurs were painful.I would get out of my car and be flat making it to the household.It was like walking on stones in barefeet.I would get out of bed and crawl on my knees until the feet lost their stiffness.It means resting when you have to.I did a 10 km walk yesterday,then had to stack a tonne of box wood going up steps...I was in agony with the feet and left leg,so it took me this morning to rest as the feet needed it.

The horse you are giving her a fair trial .I understand it's hard because of my love of animals.And you are a inspiration💗

Wow @outlander - whilst I was very concerned about you going back to hospital and being out again so soon it seems like it has done you the world of good. I can't recall you sounding so confident. It's wonderful to hear you outline all these plans and strategies. Make sure you keep referring to them.

Hoping for better days ahead for you.

my therapist seems to know what shes talking about although she has never even heard of DBT or BPD. But anyway I guess I have to trust someone. I havent been able to trust anyone for yrs and this year everything decided to wipe me out completely. Actually it seemed as soon as I cracked the lid and admitted I needed help everything crumpled. Literally and its taken me with it.
I was taking my mental health seriously in the first admission but it seemed no one else was and the silent responsiilities and unspoken words come back very quickly. It lasted a week. So im hoping, im really really hoping I can stay strong enough the pull myself together and keep my shite together to do this. And she wants me to talk about the trauma she knows about which is the dog attack- she doesnt know about the SA yet and im really hesitant to tell her. But she really wants me to go right back to that dreadful day and speak about it.

I know you werent boasting, I got what you were saying. I dont like going to hospital but as you said even those one or two days can do the world of good. I had to be discharged today, its only a short stay and while sat and sunday dont count it was either be discharged this arvo or it was tomorrow morning and I coudlnt really see the point of staying another night.

@Sans911

@Former-Member

im worried that as soon as im able to work again which will be in another day or so its all going to go back to the way it was. Im only one person and cant seem to defeat the world.
Im really not as brave and courageous and strong as I seem to be. I dont seem myself as that but rather someone who has been taken out by mental health, lack of support and pain and is rebuilding life.

Maybe you going to hospital will help you too, though I really understand how hard that it coming from first hand experience. If you ever get that bad, please ring lifeline they are equipped and trained to deal with these sort of ideas, thoughts, emotions and life issues. Your numbness is exaclty what I get the same way and thats the dangerous stage I speak of where I start to not care what happens to me and those idealation thoughts no longer scare me. That is my alarm bells and while I know im sounding positive right now I know ill crash but im going to put some pillows down this time so when I fall it wont be so bad.

Yes this stupid damn ankle of mine is one giant pain in the backside and I really dont want to stay on medications for this all the time. I started reducing the amount I was taking and after 2 days of walking around on it it went straight back to the way it was. So im now on full dose plus more due to my loveley fall.

I ma giving the horse a fair trial but I dont know if I want to keep going with her. Im spending way more than I should and if id saved up all the $ id spent it would reach nearly 500 and thats only in the last 2 and a bit months. I just dont know really. I do love her but I dont really find being around animals as enjoyable as I use to. Probabaly because its always chores chores chores and when my sisters ride their horses I dont ride them im always watching them ride or leading the youngest around. Or treating sick ones or injured. Is it really to much to ask for a 'sound' horse that being no physicall or internal issues as well as them not being a complete nutjob cause rigt now those are the only ones I get. So its really disheartening to not be able to enjoy them as I use to.

@soul

its only a short stay ward so friday and today counted as 2 days sat and sun dont count. so it was i either leave this arvo or tomorrow morning. there wasnt really that much difference between the 2. so i thought i was ok enought o come home. if i had of got the chance to stay at the other hospital with a non-violent semi normal mental health ward i couldve stayed a week or so but no beds and this time spent here seemed to have helped. im gratefull that i was even able to go here as its where i was last time and its not the worst palce to be really.

yes thats what i have to keep reminding myself to do. stick with the plans. read them everyday if i ahve to but i really need to try and keep on top of this one this time