when is it time for hospital

@Owlunar

just going to move our convo over to here....

70 tables now , im so embarrassed 😞

I know- one word is all it took and that is embarrassing and quite sad 😞

I try to do whats best and it always comes back to bite me. I thought it was only going to be 4 days like she had first said but its bloody 7. I wish she was going during the time when the kids are at school, It wouldnt be so hard then but it isnt its through the school holidays. As if it wasnt hard enough already. Ive asked my aunty if she will be able to help me she can but it will be limited, so ill have to use that time to do my second job. So thats like 2 hours a day. So really it wont be a rest ill still be working. As im writing this is already making me stressed and its bringing tears to my eyes because of it. Im going to have to see if I can recruit some other help too, ive just been promoted again with my new boss, shes asked me to take on another role.
Im wondering what would have happened if I had I had got a job they works 9-5 mon-fri- not caring as im at home but out in another workforce. I wouldnt be taking the week off work. And also I was looking into a possible traineeship couldnt just leave that either. Im not doing trainseeships for a long while yet I can hardly day to day living as it is and they arent as flexible as I oculd make it.

I did buy something for myself- I got my hair done the other week and today I restocked my art supplies. Which are driving me nuts because I need to arrange them so I can find them and its setting my anxiety off because I cant work out a way to make that happen nor do I have room for what I wouldve liked to do. I even brought 5 pencil cases but I cant work it out, its sitting there because I want them left in there orinigal packaging but I dont and I dont know its so confusing.

Yeah yay one night in a hotel. Forgive me that im really not that excited and I would rather her not waste her money tbh. Its not worth it. Im not worth it.

😞 😞 😞 😞

im having alot of trouble sitting on the fence between me and the hpv. if it doesnt go away then its going to get worse and then itll progress and get worse and eventually lead to cervical cancer. thats what killed my nan. i cant live with it, i need something done now and its scaring the shite out of me becasue i still have 9 months until they will perform another test to see if its getting better or worse. and thats not sitting with me.
do you know when i first found out i wouldnt touch anything because i though someone would get it or catch it off me, i wouldnt share anything, not that i wouldnt i physically couldnt. i wiped everything with dettol wipes and kept to myself. i didnt even want to wash my clothes with anyone elses. i was terrified the nurses in the hospital were judging me becasue they would have thought i just had unprotected sex and it wasnt that that caused it.
its all the memeories that are being brought up of my nan and what she went through and then it makes me even more worried and scared and then it remeinds me just how much i miss her and i miss her so much i would rather me there with her than here in life.
it hurts me every single day and im not coping well

Hi @outlander. I remember when I was pregnant reading about all manner of possible birth defects and disabilities my baby could have. It freaked me out. The truth is most babies are born perfectly fine and mine were too. Worrying about it wasn't going to make things any better.

I read this about HPV - "Most of the time, you’ll never even know you’ve had HPV, because most strains (except those that cause warts) are symptomless. And in 90 percent of cases, the immune system clears the virus naturally within two years, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)"

Tell your head that it is overthinking.

Have a read of this

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/how-to-stop-worrying.htm

thanks @soul

i know @Former-Member it doesnt seem to make the fact any easier to live with though but i have to

I can't give you any advice without being a hypercrite @outlander because I'm having a day with my ghosts myself.Yes it doesn't make it easy,it is hard to live with and it weighs us down when our minds opens that door.You are lucky but,you have a job to occupy yourself,that is your advantage because you are getting on with it.And you are worth it outlander,the fact that someone is giving you work shows that.That is what I miss and prided myself on as a worker.

Hi @outlander

I don't know what to say about your mother and her holiday - can she not go during the school term? - and ha! I have to laugh because I know you get nagged about getting a job but how on earth can you - things are so unpredictable - with your health and your family situation

And I get it that a night in an hotel is not worth it - a total waste of money - that is just soothing her conscience - not helping the situation at all - sheesh - she is pathetic - that man is worth more to her than her own children - and I mean all her children - that is so pathetic - wow - I wish she realised how pathetic it is to have a man be more important than her under-age children - that's really bad

I understand how you feel that people might catch the HPV off you - and I will assure you that they cannot - and having nurses think that you must have just had unprotected sex - okay - unless they say something the chances are good they are pretty used to all sorts of stuff - that's their job - but yes - you feel scared about all of this

Actually - I do understand more than you might think - over 20 years ago now I was walking on the beach on a winter day - barefoot - and I trod on a nee dle in the sand - and I had a blood test and also told that it would be very unlikely to have caught anything off a something that was out in the cold for however long - but still - I felt really icky and didn't even take communion because I was afraid someone could catch it but of course - I know a lot more about HIV now and a lot of time has passed but I do remember how bad I felt

I really do understand - but I also think you need help to get over this OCD-like thing you have - it's one more thing on top of a lot of one-more-thing-stuff

I can't tell you things will be okay because they are so far up-in-the-air - but I am thinking of you and wish I could be more helpful

Dec