when is it time for hospital

@Owlunari went on there to see if i could do anything to help cure the hpv or at least give it more chance to get rid of it. I came across many things and once i was stuck in the circle of looking through it all that was it. I was stuck. i knew better than to do that but i couldnt help myself last night. i couldnt jsut sit there and do nothing

Is that like mind over matter...?
Ill try it i dont know how ill go though thats hars to think even reading it now but its better than nothing right

And since its thursday and because i can
Im sending you some of my grandaughter hugs. They seem to work on some people but only my special ones and these are pretty special ❤❤❤

I know @outlander I know

I was watching a doco about a rail disaster is Scotland last night and started looking up disasters - I know better but I still fly in planes

Because it's Thursday and because you are sending me special grand-daughter hugs - I am sending back Thursday hugs

I am sure your grand-daughter hugs will work - and you are special

Dec

thanks @Owlunar

how are you holding up?

Yes sometimes I wonder why I get up when life punches me outlander.Decided to travel to get out to a city nearby this morning,made a eye test appointment.That stressed yesterday didn't know how to handle it.I told my mother she could either come or not.When I say this I am hoping she will see and know I need to go on my own,she doesn't,only thinks of herself.I was stressed before I got out the door waiting for her because she is very slow.I drove out to a garden centre 10 minutes from the main shopping area,stopped for fuel on the way back with her sitting in the car,get back to a shop and she then realised she left her walking stick.I then have to ring the garden centre,go back out there.I don't get thanks or nothing,just abused for asking her why it took so long to remember the walking stick.Later in the day when I go for my eye appointment,after waiting on her to walk to where she wants to go I remind her to try and have her wits about her while I'm gone as I know she is "not there",and she wanted to sit where she left a walking stick that got pinched last year.I got abused and she stated"if only I had a tape recorder!".I lost it and stated she doesn't have to come out with me and I just want time to myself".I love being able to walk the streets,and even in the eye appointment am stressed worrying if she's watching her handbag because I caught someone suspicious around her trolley before because they know she turns her back and is not there.She made out I was nuts years ago which is why I did have a breakdown due to the trauma of it.I am worried I'm going to stroke because I am so stressed.When I'm with her it's not a life,I have to constantly think of her,park where she can open the passenger door wide.I don't know outlander is hard to try to get a positive mind when you have to put up with shit and tell yourself it's not you.

@Former-Member that sounds very stressful!

are you maybe able to get some help in 2 days or 3 a week to help you to be able to do things yourself without worrying about what your mothers doing while your not there and also knowing shes in capable hands and wont have to worry about that too?

thatll leave time for you to go to appointments yourself or just go shopping on your own or whatever you like to do

She still drives outlander,not to the city we went today,but she can drive herself around town and thirty minutes away to my sister who she rarely goes to,hardly sees and who has the freedom to do what she wants.She is my other sister who I can't handle because I realized years ago she was like Mum.Would use the crap out of you,and I cant handle one,let alone two self centred people.I want the same respect that I give her when she goes somewhere.I don't get it,only abuse.I don't know how much longer she will be driving the way I see her failing.She never helped herself outlander ,4 years of counseling was because of this suffocation and I lost everything including any independence I did have.When she goes on how I'm abusing her I could just d**.I know it's not me,but it doesn't take away the projected guilt she has delighted in putting on my shoulders.I have to go back and pick up glasses in two weeks...Haven't told her and if I do I'm making it clear I'm going on my own.If I don't d** from SC,I will be d**** from the impact of living with stress and the burden of being old Cinderella.